Another week, another thread. Go out there and have a good one everyone! 
I dyed my hair dark, metallic purple tonight. I payed for it in significant soreness, but the results say that it was worth it. The dye worked very well with my natural hair color so I’m super happy.
purple hair gang we out here 😎
Just want to say: huge thanks to the mods and admins for adding my pronouns
Leslie Feinberg used ze so it’s about time!
cis people are kinda bullshit to be honest. like, i have nothing against them but you mean you popped out and felt everything was just fine, you got the soft skin and the girl shape and the hormones and the bottom parts all the way you wanted them without any effort? bullshit, i have to work for that. cis people are cheating
Some goober told them the gender the were, and they went ‘AYUP THAT SCANS’??? Sus…
i mean i tried that for a good 20 years. almost worked, sort of. not really
I can’t find the emoji that’s the down with cis pixel art bus but pretend I posted it here
AFAB and AMAB is too often used as an adjective, when it should be used as a verb phrase (assigned x at birth). In other words, it belongs after the noun, not before.
AMAB woman - “assigned male at birth woman”
woman AMAB - “woman [that was] assigned male at birth”By re-iterating that these acronyms are verb phrases and thus actions, we can re-emphasize the social construction of AMAB/AFAB and combat the tendency to use these acronyms as a way to simply misgender trans people.
I love to see theory in the trans mega
thanks i theorized this myself i think
problem is that “woman AMAB” can be read as “adjective noun” instead of “noun verb”
I suppose, but its use as an attributive isn’t that common at least from personal experience.
I’m so happy I got bottom surgery. For the multitude of reasons mentioned prior and the following.
Talking about genitals, slightly NSFW
My new bits feel amazing. Still mostly numb, but the parts that aren’t are awesome. So much better than having a penis. Things finally feel right.
Life is great :>
clueless but well meaning questions
Is the numbness supposed to be temporary or will it start having feeling soon? Is there any real way to know or is it a wait and see deal?
Explanations
It is very much temporary. Numbness can last up to a year. I started to get some feeling back already, but most of it is numb still. Probably a good 95% still is. The clitoris was never numb btw, which is the important part imo. Also, if my puppy wife is anything to go by, it all resolves within 6 months. But yeah, it is definitely a wait and see ordeal.
I think it was like two months for me (it’s been a while), so if you’re lucky you may not need to wait so long! Congrats on the surgery.
Thank you :3
I’m 6 weeks post-op this week so I still have time. I AM nervous about it all because I had a tummy tuck the better part of a decade ago and never regained feeling from it. Even if this never regained feeling I’d still be okay, but it would definitely be less than ideal.
Can I ask how much you paid for the surgery? I’ve been wanting it for a while and I’ve just heard it’s so overwhelmingly expensive I haven’t had the energy to confirm that.
At least in any state on the west coast it would be covered by insurance pretty much entirely I am pretty sure. In fact I have a trans friend who paid 50 dollar copay for her FFS and another 50 dollar copay for her top surgery (BA)
50 dollar copay for her FFS
God damn :sicko-wistful: I would have thought ffs would be like, thousands or tens of thousands. Just completely out of reach. Cool that insurance covers it.
California requires coverage I believe for all gender affirming stuff. Laser hair removal for face (you can argue for body too…), ffs, BA, bottom surgery… depends on your insurance plan but I would hit the deductible for this so it would be like 2k?
Not a dime. My insurance paid for it in its entirety. Mind you I met a $3k deductible prior to it. However, it was roughly $36k if my hospital paperwork is to be believed.
In my experience it was hitting the deductible and a copay for the hospital stay. My deductible was in the lower end so it wasn’t that bad. It varies based on insurance and state though
Telling my wife she is cute:
She says “no”:
We have no self-hatred and we ask no self-hatred of you. When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the compliments.
a few days ago at the mosque two were talking about me like
“why is there a girl over there?”
“I think her dad brought her with him”
“She’s way too old for that”
I got my hair cut today and I’m really proud
Last time I got a haircut was about three months ago, and it was kinda fem-leaning androgynous (mostly because it’s long). It was so important to me to have that shield of androgyny. In case people looked weirdly at me or something I would always have the excuse of just being a “naturally” feminine guy and not trying to be perceived as a woman or anything scary like that.
Today I got something way more explicitly feminine, because I don’t feel like I need that excuse any more, and I can just live as myself.
Also the haircut is very cute.
I’ve been told this can be a trans thing but my “derealization/depersonalization” (if that’s what this feeling is) has been ramping up the last couple of days. Almost everything I do I just have no faith actually happened. I’ll get up, lock my door, sit back down and wonder “did I really lock the door?” or I’ll have a conversation and be like “did that really happen?”. Like this has always been a bit of background noise (if that makes sense) but I feel like it’s getting worse/more noticeable.
I’ve been told this can be a trans thing
Hoping that’s it for me… that would explain a lot.
dp/dr can def be a trans thing (at least for me, it was a lot easier to just not have life be real than deal with dysphoria) and it can def be worse if something has happened recently to kick up that dysphoria.
Its a really horrible feeling
I’m kinda starting to accept the idea that I might not be a guy (crazy I know, a they/them who’s been posting in the trans mega for like two months + reads every comment might not be cis). I still swing back and forth but I think a lot of its cope. I don’t fully know exactly what I want but I’m really leaning towards being femme in some capacity. Not sure if that’ll be a fem enby or a transwoman.
I really wish I could try more clothes. I’m actually crying because I can’t. I don’t know how I’d feel but it’d be nice to try.
What do I even do hexbear. I’m lost. Any advice/articles/videos would be appreciated. (not even just about not being able to do anything, just in general about self realization too)
I feel like I can’t “do” anything about it. Can’t get clothes, can’t try makeup, etc. I suppose I could change my pronouns here but I’d just feel like a fake.
gotta have some dysphoria posting, ya know?
I’m so incredibly tall
Like I’m quite tall for a guy but there’s basically no women who are this tall. I’ll be instantly clocked forever I just want to be petite and cute.Sorry this is so disjointed that’s how my brain is working right now. A few loosely connected thoughts.
You’re not alone in having height dysphoria
Not sure how you feel about hrt, but that is something that can (maybe, not guaranteed) reduce your height by a few inches. If you haven’t already I highly recommend reading through The Gender Dysphoria Bible, it helped me out a lot back when I was questioning stuff and figuring myself out.Feel free to ignore if you’re not comfortable answering, but why can’t you do anything? Is there something specific that’s preventing you from trying on clothes and makeup?
Three inches still puts me as taller then basically all women
I guess it would still be better then nothing though. I didn’t know hrt could do that. That’s such a good resource! Maybe I need to reread it if I missed height being effected by hrt though 
I still live at home. And my parents aren’t super supportive of trans people. Plus I have a younger sibling/siblings. I don’t know. I just don’t think they’d really like it and that would be really upsetting. I really wish this could just wait until I leave
The height thing is mostly because of how your posture may change after fat redistribution. But also, if you’re under 25, HRT can affect how your hipbones fuse, which I think also affects it?
Yeah, there’s a surprising amount of changes that can come with hrt! Hormones have a really big impact on biological sex, much more than chromosomes.
It really sucks that you’re not in a supportive environment :( Maybe you can get away with growing your hair out and doing some voice training while you’re still living at home. And you can probably find skinny jeans and pink t-shirts or hoodies in the men’s section, could be a way to get some more fem clothes without looking too sus.
Also maybe look into finasteride. It’s something cis men take all the time, so your doctor should be able to give you a prescription. It’s not hrt, but it will remove any risk of balding, and can potentially reverse balding if it’s already happened. There’s also a very low chance of it having some feminizing effects, apparently.
I’m really leaning towards being femme in some capacity. Not sure if that’ll be a fem enby or a transwoman.
Seems like a reason to aim towards that direction and see where it takes you. Given how many people have difficulty calling themselves a woman when they have a very masculine body, I personally just use the transfem NB label, but I’m don’t really feel locked in on any particular label. OTOH, I think my uncertainty is a large contributor to why I have a hard time coming out because I don’t want to seem like I’m just doing it because its trendy or something.
I really wish I could try more clothes. I’m actually crying because I can’t. I don’t know how I’d feel but it’d be nice to try.
If home isn’t a safe-place, could you try our clothes at stores? It can be scary though. Also, sometimes can cause dysphoria because the clothes don’t look they way you would like with your current body, but that’s still useful information. OTOH, sometimes things you don’t expect to care much for can be surprisingly nice.
just in general about self realization too
https://freethoughtblogs.com/nataliereed/2012/04/17/the-null-hypothecis/
If you haven’t read the above article or similar ones, it might be helpful (not necessarily endorsing the entire article, but the main idea can be helpful). There’s should be no need to prove that you are trans (or any specific sublabel) to anyone, including yourself. If you approached the question from the default of being trans and tried to prove you are actually cis to the standard of evidence, how well would that go?
I suppose I could change my pronouns here but I’d just feel like a fake.
I hope no one here would want you to feel that way. For me, it was putting “they/them” as my twitch pronouns that I considered for a long time, but since I thought I was “technically cis” it would somehow be insulting to trans people. Every time I’ve seen that topic come up since, people have been overwhelmingly supportive of the idea that people should just use the pronouns they sincerely want. Of course our biggest judges tend to be ourselves, but if you’re thinking you want she/her, she/they, etc then go for it! If for some reason you change your mind, you can just change it back.
spoiler
Like I’m quite tall for a guy but there’s basically no women who are this tall. I’ll be instantly clocked forever
Pretty sure I’ve heard of other really tall trans women saying it surprisingly hasn’t really been a problem for them. I remember one person talking about how they’ve embraced their height and even do things like wear high heels and such.
But yeah, height is annoying. Its funny how guys like to exaggerate their height. Meanwhile, I’ve been told I’m taller than I say I am by a few guys… most of the time it seems they take offense at it because we’re basically the same height.
But it does make it add an additional challenge to finding clothes that fit well. And I’m barely above average for men, so still within the range of lots of cis women. But unfortunately, even fairly normal cis women are often excluded by fashion standards. Some companies just don’t want to make clothes to fit larger people because they think it would reflect badly on their brand image, for example.
Yea that’s definitely how I feel.
clothes shopping
and be some lumbering pervert. Be a fucking massive dude trying on girl clothes that won’t fit right anyway.Yea, that’s kinda the two ways it could go. I don’t really know what the first would tell me but it’d be something.
The null hypothesis is very helpful to me. “How well would that go?” Not very. If I was born a woman I don’t think I’d be switching.
I know they wouldn’t want me to feel that way, but I still would
I had the biggest load of cope ever to set my tag to they/them when I signed up. It just… doesn’t feel right to set them as she/her or she/them when I’m living as a cis guy.
why are women’s clothes the way that they arespoiler
I don’t really know what the first would tell me but it’d be something.
Personally, I tried out cosplaying as a female character in public with family and friends (only a couple of whom I’m out to) and I enjoyed it, but I won’t look at pictures because I look like “a guy in a dress” so to speak and I disliked that. The reaction of strangers generally seemed to assume I dressed the way I did to be funny and had someone ask me what I was using for boobs when I was just walking by them, but no one said anything bad. Had a couple aunts ask to take pictures of me because their niece was a fan of that character and neither of them acted weird about it, so that was cool. Overall, I think it just confirmed that I’d like to work towards having a body that I could dress like that without it being seen as some sort of joke or have people question what I’m using for boobs. Perhaps just moving out of Texas would help with that though.
It just… doesn’t feel right to set them as she/her or she/them when I’m living as a cis guy.
Relatable. The immediate motivation to finally start HRT for me was I don’t want to be an uncle (sister announced she was pregnant) and I don’t want to look like an uncle when the child is learning to talk. Like, I already basically planned on eventually trying HRT, but that was a reason to not delay getting started (my plan was to wait at least a few more years to save up more money).
Hopefully you can feel comfortable making the pronoun change here soon though.
why are women’s clothes the way that they are
I gonna blame men often owning clothing brands for women.
Seeing a new psychiatrist and getting gender euphoria from her using my chosen pronouns. Planning to order my first dress this week :) Everything is great
Listening to transfemmes describe their 2nd puberty makes me think of my first (and so far only but that will change someday
). Like… maybe I should have taken more opportunities to cry. I find it so difficult to cry.I told my roommate that I am trans, for context, we are currently looking for a new place together.
And I am not sure she reacted well, when I told her that I am already on HRT, she told me to be very careful, with transition, and also to not always believe what psychiatrists tell me(she thought, that I thought that I am trans because someone else told me so). Also that she has some good documentaries about trans people if I am interested (I am not interested, for the record. I can’t imagine that kinda stuff being any good)
Also she didn’t want me telling possible future roommates that I am trans “as it isn’t visible yet anyway”, and that she doen’t tell everyone that she is bi as well. But it is going to visible soon? I also don’t want to hide. And I very much don’t want to risk getting a transphobic roommate. (which is why I told her, to decide if it’s a good idea to move together with her)
So are these red flags, or am I imagining things, and that is just the usual cis attitude to things?
🚩🚩🚩
I mean, even usual cis attitudes towards trans people can be
when cis people don’t put in the work to unlearn cisnormative assumptions and support trans people. But yeah… I don’t think you’re imagining things here. I’m sorry, this sounds like a really tough situation.Well, at least I told her before we moved to a new place together.
Good call. I wish you the best of luck in finding a supportive housing situation
Sounds very suspect.
I would ask her what documentaries she means, not because I think they’re gonna be helpful for you, but they might give you some insight into what her opinions on trans people are and where she’s gotten them.
I asked and she sent me one, which was a Documentary about detransitioniers(Detrans?). People who regret it basically, from the german state TV. I feel sending that to a trans roommate is really
The detrans person, who is the sole example in the doc, is also a well known german terf.
That’s extremely weird imo. It sounds like she wants you to change your mind about being trans, especially in context with her initial response
Yeah, very sus call from her. Good thing that I don’t have to rely on her.
This is so fucking weird from a roommate. Why does she care. Are you two dating or something? I assume no
she just thought that that was good information to share with me.
Strange
Holy fucking hells I would have laid into her so hard. That is some grade A nonsense and she would deserve to be put in her place. Perhaps I have a poor sense of self preservation (which is noted through many of my actions in my life), but I definitely wouldn’t’ve held back. If you have a more level head, perhaps you can turn her away from standard UK brain.
Either way, it seems like you’re going to have a rough time with them going forward. You might need to push a little if you hope to not have a bad time. Cause that last paragraph makes me angry.
She simply does not get why it was wrong to even propose that I should stay in the closet. Now she is like “well, if you really want to, sure we can tell people”. No apology, no understanding of what the problem even is.
Yes those are red flags. It’s always possible that direct personal empathy will be enough to make this a non-issue over time but it’s far from ideal for a housemates situation and could go the exact opposite direction as well (mask off transphobia).
Also sorry that really sucks. You think you know a person…
I really don’t have much experience in these things, what are comments that I should look out for when intervieweing for places? Or should I just trust my gut, like here, and bail if people fail the vibes check?
It sounds like your gut is already doing well! If it’s somewhat safe where you are I’d just straight-up ask about their opinion on trans people but really it’s about what you’re comfortable with and what suits your personality. If asking less direct questions is more your style there’s nothing wrong with that.
and that she doen’t tell everyone that she is bi as well.
Wow what a loser, sheesh
I don’t know if any of you can relate but sometimes I wish I was a girl 👉👈
if after death i get the choice of some afterlife or reincarnation as a magical transing fairy that grants wishes i would do that shit for eternity in a heartbeat
wish granted
But fairy godmother, nothing changed!
still working on that part.
just dedicate yourself to Ishtar our one and only trans goddess and hopefully may her blessing fall upon you
Sometimes I feel like I’m faking. But then I remember all it took for my egg to crack was seeing trans women lol. I was so sheltered I had never seen any and thought my gender was immutable. Now that I’ve accepted myself I just wake up feeling she/they, and masking as he/him for transphobic family members feels like such a chore :/
all it took for my egg to crack was seeing trans women lol. I was so sheltered I had never seen any and thought my gender was immutable.
Thank absolute FUCK I’m not the only one
And then the next time I got slightly buzzed I got super weepy about how pretty trans girls are
mood
