Funny cat image as a reward for opening the post
joined an “adult band program” at a music school.
after being vaguely musically inclined since early childhood, 24 years of playing bass, 20 years guitar, six years seriously on keyboards, I’ve only ever really played by myself along to music that I like.
after a few months rehearsing with the group weekly and taking weekly keyboard lessons, I played four songs on keyboard on stage at a bar with the group. Feels like a monumental leap forward for me. I’m still basically just covering other peoples’ music, but now with others and having a blast doing it. This next round I’m also doing a few songs on bass on top of doing some songs on keys.
And now one of the folks from that group invited me to join his band outside of the music school.
Lines up so well with losing my job and having a lot more free time. Keeps me feeling good about myself, gives me stuff to look forward to. And helps me not just wallow in grief and avoidance after our beloved dog of 12 years died late last year (been almost six months and I still cry almost every night thinking about him).
Can’t recommend this “adult band program” sorta thing enough if you got some ability with a guitar, bass, synth, drums, or vocals! I’m doing it through a local School Of Rock franchise but there’s other places that do the same sorta thing
So I’ve had two things that kinda go hand in hand that have really made a big improvement in my quality of life:
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I started working out. During the pandemic lockdowns I picked up a basic fitness routine called Hybrid Calisthenics (they no longer list the basic 5 day routine I was doing but still brilliant explainers on that site for starting a new routine!), and went from struggling to lift 50lbs to being able to perform my first pullups ever. I changed jobs and lost my time for workouts but then I went and took my old bike for a tuneup to start riding it again with the goal of biking my kids to/from school and immediately realized how out of shape I was, so that became my new goal (and I rapidly fell in love with cycling) then I saw an ad for a 4th of July 5k and went “oh that’s like a quarter of how far I ride my bike I should totally do that!” And now I run 5ks too! The old me could never do that and would never have dreamed of doing any of these things but now I have races to look forwards to!
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I’ve started a long term process of reducing my screen time. I’ve noticed how no matter what I’m doing with screens it just isn’t making me happy and everything off screen gets neglected. So I’ve started focusing more on trying to pick up more hobbies to do with my hands. I’ve started building a model railroad, I’ve been reading a ton of books (I think about a couple dozen books or more in just the last 12 months) and not spending as much time soaking in news and doomer takes on the internet has greatly helped me be a much happier and more realistic person. This one’s an ongoing struggle though. The screens are right there and offer so much momentary entertainment (such is why I’m typing this right now) and doing stuff like drawing is really hard as my hands struggle to draw what I have in my head since I haven’t really drawn in a long time. My ultimate goal is a healthy balance of screen and non-screen time during my free time
Oh and a bonus item that I didn’t even think of initially: going back to college. A few years ago I decided to go back to college at the worst possible time. I had a baby on the way and was working full time, but I made it work. Even when my wife had to quit her job and I was the sole income while going to school full time, I threw all of my irons into the fire, pumped the bellows as hard as they’d go and worked myself to the brink of burnout and got a degree, immediately landed a job paying twice what I was making before with way better benefits and coworkers, a super chill work environment and through an insane series of events I now only work about 30 hours a week fully remotely and make enough money that not only can my wife be a stay at home mom but I could afford to go on my first international trip last month and have 2 more (much smaller in scope!) trips planned for this year still. I seriously never thought I’d be able to realistically afford intercontinental travel before, and now it might well be a thing we do every year or two!
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Sorting my socks based on color. White socks are short socks. Black socks are long socks.
Now when I grab socks, I just have to do a quick glance to find the right length socks.
Also, any sock with random prints designs are always long socks, so I don’t have to worry about that
At some point my struggle with the bible culminated in me making my own conclusion away from anyone else: I am done with this god.
The following years I reclaimed my life.
I was raised Hindu and it was a physiological terror. Karma can fuck a little kid up. I was scared that any little thing i did wrong would lead to disastrous consequences for me or someone close to me. I eventually left the religion after learning more about human rights violations around the world. My whole construct of karma fell apart. Nothing made sense except the fact that man made religion to control people. That became very evident when I revisited my old faith in a college class
As an agnostic, the bible is a great guide. It’s not a rule book. So much in there has been so misinterpreted by religion that it completely guts the actual words themselves.
Problem is that even in their original context/translations/… it’s still pretty messed up and unnecessarily evil. Or just flat out pointless.
Once you look at it for what it is besides it’s supposed “divine nature” you’re left with an amalgamation of borrowed stories, propaganda and a whole bunch of “I will now declare a thing of great importance, it’s exactly the opposite of what you thought it was…jazzhands “ kind of malarkey.
Love thy neighbour, don’t kill, don’t steal. <= you don’t need that much mystical convoluted text to convey that message. Mister Rogers will do that just fine.
I spent decades taking it seriously. The occasional bit with ‘‘yeah don’t be an asshole’’ isn’t worth anything next to the pro slavery, pro genocide, hateful parts. Even Jesus called Samaritans dogs compared to so called pure blooded Jews, none of this is morally OK when you hold it accountable to itself as a text.
Taking my car instead of a Uber as I should have that night. It sure changed my life!
I just realized OP did not specify whether he wants to hear about small decisions that changed our life in a good way, or a BAD way.
6 years ago: messaging a person on reddit. Tomorrow is our wedding
Congratulations!
Thank you!
I love that! I met someone on Tinder while my ex-fiance and I were breaking up just as someone to fuck while I got over our breakup. Ended up marrying them 8 months later, and been together for over 9 years now.
Haha sameee i was just bored and low key horny and they looked hot. I saved them from homelessness in 2022 due to their dad kicking them out. Helped them integrate and get used to in a new country and now they have a very well paying job :3 I love them so much!!
Congratulations!
I started drinking and the rest is history.
Applied to a college I never heard of across the country because they let me apply for free. Went to that college.
Went sober.
For me it was a small change. I was having a drink here and there, maximum 3 beers a night. I just found that it made me feel like shit the next morning even after having one, and I no longer enjoyed the feeling of even a mild buzz. There was also a huge relief at not having to figure out which situation to drink in or not. Do I have a drink at this birthday party? After a hard day? While barbecuing? If I am just sober the answer is always no, so it eliminates one choice.
I started doing a tiny little injection of estrogen once a week and it totally changed my life. My productivity is through the roof, my confidence has skyrocketed, I’m grinding like there’s no tomorrow and I’ve never felt better. All the techbros should try it if they want to level up their game. Just 5mg/week, it’s basically nothing bro. Try it bro you’ll never regret taking estrogen once a week. Took me from 0.5x to 10x overnight.
Is this a joke?
The effects match my results, and yeah it’s just that dysphoria manifests as pretty bad depression for a lot of people.
Well yeah I didn’t think estrogen was used except for dysphoria or other HRT, but applebusch is sayign all techbros should take it
Ah yes, that part is the joke
Maybe he grew breasts and became a sex worker & got really wealthy with it
Of course not. What would be the punchline?
I made the conscious decision to mask my autism less in private and stand up for my needs more openly.
6 months later my wife left me, telling me she can’t take it anymore.After she had moved out and I realized this was final, a great wave of relief washed over me.
Now I have to pay the rent alone, pay her $1k/month in alimony on top, and somehow still have more money left over than during the marriage, lol.
And I got to keep the cats!She thought she could “fix” you and then it didn’t work?
I’d say we had opposing neurodivergencies and our masks met in the middle.
Why do you have to pay her?
She called in sick for weeks at her new job after the separation, got fired, and now has no income.
The state doesn’t pay her any unemployment support because we’re still married.
(Divorce is only possible after 1 year of separation.)
As her husband, I’m legally forced to give her 3/7 of the difference between our net incomes.
And since she doesn’t have any income, that’s 3/7 of my total net income.That’s fascinating. Hope she’s doing okay and grows from the experience, and I’m glad you can live without masking now
Out of interest (because I’m neurodivergent) what kind of things bothered her when you unmasked? Or was the seperation just not related to unmasking?
It was related, but that wasn’t the main reason.
Divorce is only possible after 1 year of separation.
Oof. If I may ask, in what kind of backwards country do you live in?
Germany.
That rule prevents a lot of abuse of marriage laws (like “marrying” before a large windfall income to save taxes, then immediately “divorcing” again).
It gives couples time to fix their marriage if possible, before all of the legal ramifications take effect.
Or to separate their goods, get legal council, plan moving out, etc. if it isn’t fixable.
And the mandatory alimony payments allow the partner who cared for the household to leave their (possibly abusive) spouse without becoming destitute.
I wonder what makes you think it’s backwards?I stand corrected and must admit that is has its uses
Just wait until the divorce finally finalizes. New wave of relief and freedom incoming. Been there. Good luck, hang in there, and congrats!
You did the right thing.
I’ve blocked any YouTube video recommendations (after a video is done, the sidebar, etc), and switched to RSS (RSS Guard is my go-to, after testing about 6 RSS readers). I used Enhancer for YouTube™ to block the bullshit.
Now, I only have 319 videos left to view, in order, from all the channels that I follow. It is now me that has a tight grip on what I watch, and not YT. No more doomscrolling on YT Shorts! No more watching the newest thing (old videos are still solid, but won’t be likely recommended)! Use Youtube-shorts block to turn any short into a normal video, in case someone sends you a shorts link.
I can now have a sense of being done watching videos, instead of YT feeding me unending garbage.
RSS feed locations for YT are hidden:
https://www.youtube.com/feeds/videos.xml?channel_idThe channel id you can find on a channel, under
...morenear the top, thenShare Channel->Get Channel ID.Awesome. I might consider this myself
Oh, I got a good one. I started leaving earlier and driving slower. It’s way safer and I get great mileage. It’s also more relaxing to not be so worried about making good time.
I don’t drive yet so I don’t really get why mileage is important. Is it because you’re getting money back for fuel or is it just so you feel justified in paying to keep a car? Or is it more healthy for a car to get more driving in?
Fuel mileage is a very tangible cost. There’s a general balance between high fuel cost/short average commute and vice versa. Filling a tank might be equal to a couple dining out. The monthly total might resemble the grocery bill. They need to be filled every 1-2 weeks typically. You sit there and watch the total continue ticking up. Driving feels free until you watch the pump, so it’s almost like a penalty in feeling, as if you’re being charged extra. It doesn’t make sense, but that’s a feeling, because your choices while driving don’t necessarily get connected to your upcoming gas bill. And I’ll say while newer cars are considerably more efficient and reduce the number of fillups, they’re more in-your-face with on board MPG displays. Mash the gas and the number dives,. But, keep it high, and you pat yourself on the back, knowing you did your best.
So, it became important because at this point, in most of the world, cars are all easily meeting acceptable safety ratings, power (acceleration), easily reach highway speed, carry 4.5 passengers, and have Bluetooth. So what’s left? Superiority through mileage.
There’s some irony in that the most efficient versions tend to be more expensive. The jump from regular hybrid to plug in hybrid often takes a decade to recoup in gas costs, at least with new cars.
The there’s the irony that it’s not a big deal. I chose the smallest engine of a used ~2010 vehicle. That saved me maybe $2k USD on its own. I get 25mpg. The other engine would get 18, maybe. I’ve spent under $1000 in fuel over the last year of ownership across 7500 miles. A 28% drop in mileage, a 28% increase in consumption, would cost me an extra $350/year. $30/month.
I swear, it’s all a farce, likely pushed by some lobby groups to make citizens feel responsible for the climate and for being poor. Just like how we feel guilty not recycling bottles as exxon burns gas for fun and dumps it in the ocean.
I’m assuming your on the younger side if you don’t drive and as a local youngin myself (early 20s) I don’t understand myself outside of being a vigorous rule follower
-But a lot of cars get better mileage when in the 60-70 mph range (I think that’s roughly 100kph if memory serves, which it usually doesn’t) -It’s also just safer, traveling slower means less distance to stop, meaning you have a bigger window of reaction time before you put that crumple zone to the test -(I feel like a lot of EV owners forget this cus there’s no gas and clearly that’s the only thing in a car) but your car is a bunch of moving parts most importantly the wheels, so your brakes and tires will thank you -As another lemming mentioned seeing that one BMW pass you, then you get to catch up on them at a red light, 1 they used more gas, as motion is energy, and more motion needs more fuel. On top of that since they were driving like they’re doing it “for family” in a summer block buster starring Dwight “the stone” John. Meanwhile you get to glide nicely towards the red light giving your brake disks a light hug
But keep in mind a difference in traffic speed is dangerous both ways. Yes the guy doing 120 in a 70 is a menace but so is the guy doing a 40 as they’re basically and obstacle. I usually do 70 (freeway speed limit for a stretch where I live) or 60 (speed limit for a majority of the freeway past a town) but sometimes everyone’s doing 90+ so I have to raise my speed. It’s why a lot of driving instructors will say that speed limits important but so is flow of traffic (tho flow of traffic outweighing the speed limit when determining your own speed has been very rare for me)
TLDR, less money for gas and maintenance, and more importantly (wish I had more examples of the top of my head) safety
Internal combustion engine cars don’t consume gas at a constant rate. You can think of it like as you press the gas pedal you’re making the fireman on a steam engine shovel more coal into the fire. The harder you press on the pedal the faster the fireman is grabbing shovelfuls of coal and tossing it into the fire, and the harder that engine has to work. The more the car can just coast with just a tiny bit of fuel tossed in to maintain speed, the less fuel goes into the fire.
A relaxed driving style where you slowly accelerate, brake gently, and don’t speed/change lanes a lot means a lot less time pressing hard on the gas pedal and a lot less time burning lots of fuel. Also gentler braking will mean less wear on your brakes and tires so they may last a bit longer (tires and brakes are wear items that need to be replaced regularly, but the frequency is impacted by your driving style)
Such a relaxed driving style is also much safer because it gives you and other drivers more time to react and it’s more predictable to all road users
There’s also the safety aspect. A lot of the habits that help you go farther on a tank of gas also make accidents less likely or less serious
You’ve already paid for the gas that’s in your tank, best you can do is get the most miles out of it. Long term habits that increase overall average MPG also reduce wear and make parts last longer. Biggest thing is not speeding up when you see a red light ahead.
Ever since I started thinking this way, I started finally seeing all the other cars scurrying past me to get to the same red light that we all stopped at. It compounds the calming effect to see validation through others demonstrating the futility of what I no longer choose to do.
edit: To be clear, I’m not saying I totally drag ass and block traffic. I’m just talking about smoothing out my acceleration curves a bit and the occasional person who zips around everyone else, only to hit a stoplight with the rest of us. I’m not that old yet.
Oh I’m definitely in the slow category, according to the cars behind me.
Don’t get me wrong, I do the speed limit, and heck still sometimes the appropriate “5 over” if there’s cars behind me.
But that’s not enough for most people, they race around me anyway.
But more than just not speeding up when I see the red light, I watch the light from farther away. It’s very flat here, and if you pay attention you can see the light turning from 10 or 20 seconds away, and adjust appropriately. You can even time the light to know it’ll turn red before you get there.
I’m not counting seconds or anything, it’s more of a vibe check. “That light has been green a looong time, it’s definitely turning red before I get there.”
So depending on who’s behind me and ahead of me and how far away I am, I’ll either start coasting down to maybe 5 or 10 under as I approach, that way I can use my brakes even less.
I get pretty good at it with the lights on my way to work. But some lights are un-timable. Their timing is almost purposely designed to waste gas.
And one stretch of lights changes depending on time of day to create a unidirectional flow of traffic. You’ll hit every green going south at 3pm, but every red going north. Stuff like that.
Using brakes is wasted gas, lost efficiency. I get a whole 5 or 6 more mpg driving my wife’s car, than when she drives it. Maybe more. Every time I drive it I watch the average tick up. For her it hovers around 25/26. I’ve seen over 31 in the same car.
Again I’m not the guy who painfully slowly accelerates, angering everyone. I know how to stand on the pedal when I need to. I just pay attention, and accelerate and brake maybe a little more smoothly.
If you accelate hard, drive fast, etc, you get lower gas mileage.
So if you drive 1000 miles per month, and you’re getting 25 miles per gallon, then at $4/gallon you’re paying $160 for gas a month. If you ease up and can average like 32mpg, you’ll only spend $125. Better results may be possible.
Ahhhh I accelerate very quickly because it’s fun, and I brake very slowly because I like not wearing my brake pads down. So I really only accelerate hard if there’s a ton of space in front of me and good side-visibility so I don’t have to risk sudden breaking (obv not only for my brakes, but so I don’t hurt anything!)
But I am soooo accelerating fast at every safe opportunity because it just feels awesome lawl. Then again, in a good month, I’m going 100-200 miles or less (partner and I both gremlins) so the fuel expenditure is maybe 10 bucks a month. Not even that high.
Great scenario for an EV! You’re not losing the efficiency by accelerating hard, can accelerate harder, and you make some of it back by using regen when you slow down
Oh yah. My last car was a hybrid (loved it!) but that was before EVs were very attainable. I got my current car a long while ago when someone smashed my last one to death. I loved seeing the regenerative braking work!
My car now is all gas, but she’s got low mileage and the ultimate “trim” or whatever and I love her and all of her million speakers and subwoofer very much.
I’d love an EV for my next car if I can find one that isn’t a privacy nightmare (my car is from the tail end of when you could get cars that DIDN’T phone home what you talk about in them) but hopefully I’ll have my current car forever and won’t have to worry about that.
I read once a question on whether it’s better to rapidly accelerate to your vehicle’s most efficient speed / gear, or just creep up to it.
In my old wagon, once I hit 60kph (~40mph) it goes into 4th and drops to ~1250rpm. I tend to use moderate acceleration up to that speed then just chill.
I also recall the term ‘pulse and glide’ from hypermiling which might have some relation, but without the gliding bit.
About 15 years ago I decided not to be in a hurry when I’m driving, and also to not get frustrated with any other drivers. I just figured I’m gonna be spending too much time of my life in a car I might as well not be getting upset about it. For aggressive drivers I make up a story about how they have explosive diarrhea or something else urgent to attend to. It has made a profound and permanent improvement to my life. Would recommend to a friend.
You can add crying kids in the car to your excuses, because that’s the only time I am speeding nowadays.
I’m an Uber driver currently and this approach is vital for sanity/happiness/tips. I drive borderline grandma-style now and have gotten more than one compliment for the smooth trip, etc.
I did this too. Amazing how you still end up arriving at almost the same time as when you drove like a maniac hey?
I think it’s made me more flexible with time in general. But yeah stoplights and traffic matter more than how you drive. It’s futile to think you can go any faster, just enjoy the ride.
I started some kind of anime themed browser game one day with the intent of wanting to see what kind of people would play such weeb trash.
Turns out the kind of people to play that were loyal friends to stay in touch with for over a decade and my future wife, too!
