Many of us on platforms like this are introverts, or autistic, or have social anxiety, or for whatever reason, have trouble meeting new people or engaging with strangers. If someone wanted to engage you in conversation, what topic would you be happiest to talk about?
My most recent meaningful conversations at the bus stop in the past year were:
- Maslow’s hierarchy of needs with a middle aged gentlemen who struck up a conversation having seen my work badge
- a guy who’d had his phone stolen reflecting on the ways it had allowed him to be more mindful of his own thoughts and disengage from toxic people
- a homeless woman who lived at the bus stop for a while with her husband discussing her personal safety as a homeless woman (her husband needed to go do something that wouldn’t take long, and he had waited for me to come out and wait for the bus to go do it, and came back before the bus arrived).
And I made friends with the homeless guys outside my last apartment by stopping to pet their dog (and later stealing wound care supplies from work for it).
I find other people interesting for the most part, and have a large enough breadth of knowledge to at least ask interesting questions about most things. Tradespeople in particular know some fascinating things
I once asked a man in a work vest who was marking the road what the colors were for and he said the different colors were different utility lines (water, power, etc). My follow-up question was how he knew where they were and it turned out the pole with the paint sprayer also had a special metal detector that could pick up on each line’s unique type of tag.
And the guy who fixed my dryer had an utterly wild list of things that he’s pulled out of vents and explained that the little vent covers on the outside of the building were specifically designed to safely prevent endangered birds from nesting in them since they like the warmth but can get injured or damage the vent in doing so.
I generally find that tradespeople like being asked questions about what they do. I don’t think a lot of people ask. And if they don’t I apologize and keep it moving.
I dragged my introverted ass to 10 houses on my street in an attempt to find a shred of US political solidarity in a red state. I got 7 no answer, left 1 Ring Camera message, 1 polite declination, and 1 prison guard who “doesn’t really watch the news”. I felt awkward as hell but I remain excited about talking to enough people to find 1 or 2 who are like “You think this is all insanity too?!” This isn’t the “topic” OP solicited but as an introvert it feels valuable to share here that I felt good after forcing myself to break that ice.
I am easily spun up talking about myself. Getting me talking isn’t too hard, but I start to feel introvert exhaustion once I think maybe I’m talking too much or I find reason to doubt the person wants to talk any further.
Movies/shows have been good topics for me. Enough people have seen Spaceballs, Interstellar, The Pitt, Marvel that people’s inner nerd pops out like a Jack in the Box when their fandom comes up. A coworker and I once had nothing in common, but I brought up Mystery Science Theater 3000 offhand and she cut me off to shout “I LOVE EMMESSTEE THREE KAY!!”
In the not too distant future…
In this post: dozens of people not understanding the assignment and discussing ways they get out of talking to others.
People, this is why you’re depressed and anxious all the time. This isn’t identity and character, this is avoidant behavior. Challenge yourself, be that person in your imagination who does the approaching and striking up conversation, what do you have to lose?
edit: stop replying if you’re happy being asocial, I don’t care.
What little inner peace I have once the constant negative thoughts are confirmed by talking to other people.
i am not depressed or anxious.
I still don’t like talking to people, because they are boring and really selfish. I like talking to people who aren’t selfish and rude, who are doing interesting things, but those people are very rare. maybe 1/10 people I meet is worth my time, and maybe 1/50 actually is enjoyable and fun to be around such that I enjoy their company. I actively date, and socialize several times a month.
the more i socially isolate, the better my mental health and mood generally are. I absolutely loved the pandemic those were 2 of the best years of my life. I haven’t hung out or met anyone new in two weeks now and I am in a way better mood than I was around the holidays when I had to do a bunch of social stuff.
I’d like to talk about the awesome employment opportunity they have for me that pays decently, has good benefits, and is doing something beneficial for the world, hopefully nonprofit.
If that’s not an option, I guess cats.
Soulslikes.
Actually did talk to a stranger about this somewhat recently! He had a Bloodborne tattoo on his arm, which prompted me to initiate a conversation. Highly recommend.
I’m curious what the tattoo was of, exactly. One of the runes, perhaps? 🤔
Yep! It was the hunter rune! It was really cool.
Damn. I’m a crazy FromSoftware fan and have beaten every game. I just found that rune you were talking about and don’t remember it. Y’all have good memories. That also reminds me that I need to get my PS4 back out and finish the Bloodbourne DLC I keep forgetting to finish all these years.
What a masterpiece!
Edit: I thought about getting a tattoo of the soul flayer from Demon’s Souls. You know those octopus-faced mages from the prison level with all the iron maidens? I took some screenshots when I beat the new version on PS5 in recent years to figure out a cool tattoo.
Bloodborne was definitely my favourite of the Souls games.
Oh, I do remember those guys! That would be an awesome tattoo, you should go for it! Where were you thinking of putting it? A decent tattoo artist should be able to work with you to figure out a cool design with it.
I thought on my arm. I would do it on my side but I’m 45 and don’t nobody wanna see all that. I think that would look bad in a few years. Maybe on a shoulder blade?
Forearm would probably look good, or shoulder! My tattoo is on my shoulder but I plan to get more. I guess it just depends if you want/have more. Or if you want to be able to hide it. Shoulder is easy to hide. I regret that mine is so well hidden.
One game that scratched most of the itch was Lords if the Fallen (new version). Beat it 3 times. Also, Lies if P was pretty good. Lots of cool monsters and very sinister. Beat that three times too.
There is only one game that can compete with Souls series in how fun it is, but it’s not really souls like exactly. Returnal is absolutely one of the best games ever made and is wildly underrated. You should try it before the sequal is released ( I think soon). You really need to have the fortitude of a souls gamer to get through it. It’s sooooo good.
I’ve had Returnal on PS5 since it came out. It’s more of a roguelike than a soulslike. Only thing I don’t like about it is that the story is actually interesting BUT, you literally have to get lucky with RNG to actually progress it/find it all. I am missing the last traversal tool and the game is absolutely being an asshole wirh not generating the fucking room I get it in 😬
I don’t even recall that any longer. My only gripe was that it’s really hard to play while being married. It requires undivided attention and my wife asking me a question and making me die towards the end was a serious buzz kill. Happened a few times. That game requires really long runs at once, but damned if it wasn’t so much fun! It was intense!
food! food is such a great communicator of who you are and what you’ve experienced
The British have this down to a science;
- Start with pleasantries “you good?” Essential, always say “I’m good” if asked this or similar regardless of your mood, use tone to convey the actuality if you wanna be unguarded
- Talk about the weather
- End with the pleasantries, something that implies you will see em again, even if you know you won’t
Talk about the weather
A wild meteorologist appears.
Travel. Where are you going next, what’s your favourite country, all that. Met someone yesterday who’s going to Vegas, and has booked a helicopter trip to the Grand Canyon and tickets to a Barry Manilow show. She hasn’t been there since the 80s and is pretty excited. She and her husband usually holiday in Turkey.
Olive oil.
I just read Extra Virginity and it turns out there is a whole world of food oil counterfeiting and I really need help stopping it, because suddenly this is the topic I am 3rd most passionate about.
Hi I’m deeply interested in this and would like to subscribe to your newsletter. How the hell do you counterfeit olive oli?!?
You put a cheaper oil in a refinery, then flavor it with artificial flavors, then use the Mafia to launder it into another country.
the same way you counterfeit anything. you make a fake shitty version of it and pass it off as the real thing and people buy it and you make a lot of money.
Food counterfeiting is huge. I’m convinced the only way to get Modena balsamic is to go to Modena.
What topics are you most passionate about?
And - counterfeiting? For olive oil? I’m gobsmacked.
I want to know about music that gives you the chills, and why you think it has that effect on you.
A side note: A psychopath recently did an AMA. I asked her if she still got chills listening to songs since they don’t have the same emotional capacity. She claimed that nobody gets chills listening to songs. Guess that answered the question. Psychopaths don’t enjoy music like we do. That kinda sucks for them.
I’ll try to find the post.
Towards the bottom of the permalink - you have to collapse past the first two long lists of questions I asked.
Psychopaths don’t enjoy music like we do.
This does NOT mean that people who don’t “get chills” from music are all psychopaths. I’d just like that to be clear.
Yes, of course.
If open to sharing, which music gives eezeebee this effect?
It can be hard to describe, thus my interest in what causes it. For myself I’ve somewhat narrowed it down to generally somber and emotionally-charged moments.
The vocal/scream breakdown in the middle, though I think it’s important how the whole song sets the stage for it:
The whole thing, but especially the higher notes sung:
The guitar lead starting at 1:15 & 2:05 and how it synergizes with the bass line, especially on the third and fourth measure of its melody:
Explosions in the Sky - Greet Death
It can happen in songs with different moods though it’s more rare, and I kind of think those moments still share some qualities in common with the examples above.
I can’t think of anything offhand. I really like Chappell Roan – her songs just make me viscerally happy. Eleine sounds great, and I’ve loved Sia ever since I heard Titanium. But chills? No one I listen to provokes that particular reaction.
Recently went to a company wide meeting, so I had to speak to loads of strangers. Usually I tell them about Linux and they leave me alone.
I use Linux and if anyone tries to talk to me about it I find a way to leave.
I also poop and I have no interest in talking to other people about their poops.
Getting them to leave me alone is a positive outcome.
Our goodbyes
Conspiracy theories. Talking about conspiracy theories with a stranger is the best fun ever. Because then we can walk away after a good satisfying conversation but then neither of us nutcases have to deal with each other anymore.
But, then you need to have looked into insane conspiracy theories, somewhat. Do you mean making fun of flat earthers, or the people who actually believe birds aren’t real, or listening intently to “UFOologists”?
I mean I AM a conspiracy theorist, about the logical stuff. It makes for great conversation whenever you find someone who has also gone down those rabbit holes.
But flat earthers and “birds aren’t real” is insane territory and hopefully nobody really believes that stuff, those are just jokes.
Constructed languages. It’s a profoundly lonely hobby. I would love to randomly meet another conlanger IRL
What’s your fav conlang? I dabbled in Esperanto on duolingo a while back.
Maybe I should have kept dabbling; about all I remember anymore is ‘hundo’.
I messed with Esperanto and Lojban in high school, but when someone says they’re a conlanger they usually mean they make their own languages. This is my most developed conlang, and I’m working on another one used in the same setting.
Video games
