Millennials are about to be crushed by all the junk their parents accumulated.
Every time Dale Sperling’s mother pops by for her weekly visit, she brings with her a possession she wants to pass on. To Sperling, the drop-offs make it feel as if her mom is “dumping her house into my house.” The most recent offload attempt was a collection of silver platters, which Sperling declined.
“Who has time to use silver? You have to actually polish it,” she told me. “I’m like, ‘Mom, I would really love to take it, but what am I going to do with it?’ So she’s dejected. She puts it back in her car.”
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Sperling’s conundrum is familiar to many people with parents facing down their golden years: After they’ve acquired things for decades, eventually, those things have to go. As the saying goes, you can’t take it with you. Many millennials, Gen Xers, and Gen Zers are now facing the question of what to do with their parents’ and grandparents’ possessions as their loved ones downsize or die. Some boomers are even still managing the process with their parents. The process can be arduous, overwhelming, and painful. It’s tough to look your mom in the eye and tell her that you don’t want her prized wedding china or that giant brown hutch she keeps it in. For that matter, nobody else wants it, either.
Much has been made of the impending “great wealth transfer” as baby boomers and the Silent Generation pass on a combined $84.4 trillion in wealth to younger generations. Getting less attention is the “great stuff transfer,” where everybody has to decipher what to do with the older generations’ things.
Much of the consumerism that taught them to accumulate junk turned into a burden for us all. Everything they bought is “vintage” and many pretend it holds onto some type of value. That or they didn’t want to clean up their garage for 30 years. The boomers’ posthumous contribution to landfills is truly staggering.
I’ve spent the last two decades training my parents to understand that I generally don’t want their hand-me-downs, and probably don’t want a lot of their belongings when they depart this world. Maybe a few items that have sentimental value, but the rest will likely be sold, assuming we can find people to buy it. And they do have a lot of stuff. Some of it valuable art and trinkets they’ve collected over the years. Very little of it resonates with me, though. They’re in their 80s now, so we’ve had discussions about plans between them and my older brother and myself. There are trusts. We have access to their accounts. I count myself lucky that they’re so practical.
And yet I am watching a re-resurgence of collecting crap began anew. Take vinyl for example: heavy, bulky, environmentally awful and on par with if not worse sounding than alternatives. But people want something tangible. Which I am also beginning to see with old collectables. Also art: there is a movement to get physical art since digital is not tangible and possibly not even made by a human.
China, silver, and plastic ware: I have seen an uptick in those as well which is bizarre. Is it just a matter of time till the cycle comes around again?
Anecdotal but so far the only “great wealth transfer” I’ve seen has been to elder care organizations, not descendants.
For the low price of 6 grand a month, surprisingly well calculated to drain off their IRA’s, force them to sell their property, and close out their other retirement accounts just in time for them to meet overall life expectancy.
6 grand a month? That would be incredibly well priced. A room in a nursing home around here starts at 10k/month. If you want your own room or other amenities, it goes much higher.
That’s exactly what’s happening. Parents live longer, and by the time they die, all their wealth is skimmed off by aged care providers, health care providers and various scammers.
Nothing new. My both deceased grandmother’s left behind houses, pole barns full of things. In the 80s, and the family resorted to renting a dumpster to get rid of much of it. It’s kind of sad, but everyone already had lots of junk of their own. I’m guilty of this as well, I’m starting to fill up a storage unit of my own. I however think twice now when I make a purchase.
My grandmother recently died. Her son and his awful wife couldn’t wait to swoop in and take all her stuff. I actually didn’t mind though. They took all the tvs and old fur coats. Me and my brother got the pictures they left on the walls and the silly fridge magnets she liked. I think we ended up with the better stack of stuff at the end of the day.
Yeah, but there’s likely a house included in that. For some of you that’s the only house you’re going to get.
A small price to pay for having to take a load of Precious Moments to the tip.
I myself have a baby’s cot in the attic, courtesy of a mental mother-in-law. Nicotine stained blankets, the lot. I have no idea why. We don’t want kids. We have never expressed any interest in having one. It’s just taking up room. Shipped to us at great expense by somebody who I can only assume thinks she’s getting grandchildren out of this. She is not. Not from us anyway. So in the attic it will sit until she dies and then the missus can finally throw it away, safe from a random surprise inspection to make sure we still have it.
If it was left to me it would already be gone, probably into a bonfire.
What really pisses me off is that she had a NES in the room she kept this junk in. Didn’t fucking send us that.
A lot of these folks that rave about “owning their home” and about how “bad the younger generation is with money” have re-mortgaged their home to fund their insane lifestyles and owe enough that it’s just gonna be a headache for whoever “inherits” the poorly maintained asbestos farm.
About to be? My dad and mom are TV level hoarders. It’s going to take dumpsters to clean their houses. And very little to none of it is worth anything.
When we bought our current house, the previous owners had the basement walls covered with framed pictures of various things (I don’t remember what all they were - likely family and friends, that sort of thing). When we stopped by for the inspection or something, I noticed the trash was out, and one can that was open on the top was filled with those pictures.
That moment really reinforced the point that all the crappy knick-knacks we have laying around will likely also end up in the trash someday. We’ve definitely reduced our purchases of stuff like that and try to stick to stuff we’ll actually use.
Estate sale my boy. You will actually come out ahead… it’s whoever buys responsibility to throw the garbage away.
I am thinking of doing an estate sale on myself. :-/
Going through this with my MIL. My wife is hurt that she got cut out of the decision-making, but it has been somewhat of a blessing in disguise in that her older siblings are the ones having to handle disposal of the decades’ worth of knickknacks lining every wall in her house.
My father was an incorrigible hoarder, but my mother had been culling his shit for years ever since he got too sick to stop her. Now that he’s buried she’s culling the last of it all, which is still a lot. She is not a hoarder but we kids have no use for her stuff even tho it’s quality. Estate sale is what it’s gonna be.
Happy I have sane parents who consistently downsize and donate without bothering me. We had one conversation where they asked me what I’m interested in. Of course I told them to enjoy their things as they wish.
There was a painting of a beautiful waterfall landscape, painted in 1890, (verified) my grandmother and grandfather bought early in their marriage. I always admired it and it made me think of nostalgic, fond memories of growing up. My dad hated it because that was the formal room he had to sit in for time out. Yoink. It sits in my living room and inspires me every day. A happy trade based on adult conversation.
Context is everything.
Same here. My mom is into the “KonMari” method and it’s a godsend.
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My dad just passed and I got a box of ninja swords and a telescope. He didn’t even have any pictures. I wish I had stuff to remember him by but he was destitute the end of his life.
If that were me, I’d use the telescope to remember him. We’re all made of the stuff of stars. Everything inside of you is due to supernovas. Every time you look at the stars, you’re looking at what made us all, including your dad.
Yeah it is. We used to use it when I was a kid. I gotta clean it though. Thick cigarette dust coats everything he left me.
Im sorry for your loss. But I am also incredibly curious about the box of ninja swords. Were these mall ninja swords or legit swords from Japan?
Mall ninja swords mostly. Some bokkens and knives too.
There are fencing leagues that use real swords you could try to find.
This is the truth. Both sets of parents have dumped stuff on us often enough that we’ve had to put our collective foot down and refuse most items. Gone are the days were there might be just a few real nice items people wanted to keep, now it’s collections of Precious Moments figurines or similar that nobody wants.
It’s really hard to get rid of stuff that is still good and useful. You can barely literally give it away. I hate waste, so just dumping whatever it is in the trash is an absolute last resort. Places you would think that would take stuff are also overwhelmed and won’t take a ton of different things. Salvation Army, Goodwill…all of them have gotten picky and will refuse things even if new on occasion.
It’s really given me a deep revulsion for “stuff”. If something comes into our house it has to have a real purpose, or if it’s replacing something, the old thing must go ASAP.
Salvation Army and Goodwill don’t refuse things— I’m not sure where you’re getting that. They take their free donations, mark them up so much you could almost buy things mew elsewhere for the same price. They’re not a resale shop like Buffalo Exchange
The trick is to pack up a big box full of stuff and give it to them all at once so they don’t have time to look through it and refuse it.
They absolutely will refuse things they know they’ll have a hard time selling, and trust me they have unique insight into what people want and don’t love the idea of warehousing unsalable merchandise. Many Goodwill location’s FAQs acknowledge that they refuse to take certain things. Salvo has a whole page dedicated to why they refuse certain things.
Adults having to have adult conversations. Oh no
Millennials are just worn out from Boomers parentifying us as children, then arguing with us for decades, and now still fighting us over decisions that seem obvious and necessary.
They’re exhausting.
I know it’s hard, I’m not trivializing it, but no one (edit adult) should be treated like a child. It only happens to those who let it happen. (The alternative is distancing)
Edit I mean adults shouldn’t be treated like children.
One can feel how one feels, however, the boomer generation’s brains are locked in a time loop. They can’t be changed. It’s like visiting someone with alzheimers. It’s quite sad and frustrating.
Oddly, the silent generation peeps are more adaptable.
Huh? You decide how you are treated. Even by your parents. I’ve had good conversations with my now aged and forgetful parents where I clarify how I want to be spoken to.
Edit not all boomers have Alzheimer’s
As good for me as going no contact would be, I love my parents and do alot to keep them in my life.
A terrible weakness. If only I could be strong like you.
I never said go no contact, edit or that I was some model of strength. I’m just an adult.
Just consistently assert the standards you as an adult want to live in.
Sorry, that’s not how it works with people stuck in a loop. It’s a very American problem, if you aren’t American. Not sure if it was the leaded gas, or what, but some people are just broken. The person you want to change needs to want to, and be able to change for your idealism to work. Otherwise you’re just building a delusion around a fixed point to fit your viewpoint while that person remains unchanged.
It’s terribly sad, really.
That’s just ageism, with a nationalist(?) crust.
There’s lots of dumb boomers. There’s lots of Alzheimeric boomers. There’s lots of smart, respectful boomers.
Suggesting an entire generation can’t respect others is junk.
Imagine you subbed out “boomer” for a race. It’d be insane to say.
Tons of boomers have completely accepted 2024, their children, and their choices. You apparently just haven’t met them.
Some of us do it to help our surviving parent who can’t handle all the stuff the other parent collected.
Hard disagree. Children should be treated as children, not parentified.
I mean adults. I was unclear. Editing.
I’m not stuck with anything, I put all my boomer parents shit in the trash
First world problems
Most boomers aren’t leaving shit to us but debt and worse economy ever. What fuck is this article. Answer is sell the shit.
Don’t let the scammers trick you unto paying your parents debt. Debt cannot transfer to you.
To who? Aquaman?
Answer is sell the shit.
Sell it to who? Nobody else wants the shit either, that’s the problem
Ahahahaha thank you.
