today was supposed to be my first day of therapy and the therapist didn’t show up. I’m pissed off. I wasted 2 hours for nothing.
I’ve sent her a polite message, asking if she’s sick and hoping she is well, but in reality I wanted to yell at her. However, if I yell at her, chances are she won’t treat me.
Before you suggest to find another therapist, finding a shrink where I live is very difficult and the other ones I contacted have either ignored me or are overbooked. I need therapy and it bothers me to be so dependent on one person.
For those of you who have experienced something similar, how doesn’t it bother you?
In this situation you need to remember life happens. She is a human with a complex life too. Your immediate response to get this angry is slightly alarming and something you should bring up to her because you need to work on it.
Also don’t think of this as wasted therapy, you did do therapy just not in the way you think. You were put into a situation that heightened your emotions and you now need to control those emotions and face them. That’s therapy.
Your immediate response to get this angry is slightly alarming
He should probably see a therapist
Shit, therapy happened even when therapist wasn’t present. That will be 100$.
Jokes aside, a great way to think about things, really.
If she gives you a reason and an apology, she’s a therapist worth seeing.
If she gives you an excuse or tries to pretend it didn’t happen, you can do much better.
Never settle for someone who is just tolerating you, especially for therapy.
If she says anything at all about why she had to miss the appointment she’s offering more about her personal life than she needs to. As a patient, and especially the first time seeing someone, there is absolutely no reason to expect to know why they couldn’t make your appointment. They are not your contractor, and in reality they are not your friend. They provide a professional service and if they miss your appointment, immediately jumping to the conclusion they did it with any kind of intention against you is pretty hasty reasoning.
Whatever the situation is, the therapist is a person too. They have their own life, their own issues, things that they are allowed to keep private. Don’t expect them to open about anything because a good therapist won’t.
It’s not developing a thick skin, it’s developing compassion.
Never attribute to malice what can be reasonably explained by incompetence or stupidity. Similarly that which can be explained by happenstance.
Don’t be a doormat obviously but assume they had a reason and be as gracious as possible in excusing their faults.
If anything what you need is to be more emotionally available not less. Empathy serves you far better than rage.
If she’s a good therapist she’ll be feeling awful she couldn’t make it. I’d wait to hear her out before making any judgement on either her no-show or her as a therapist/person. It’s highly unlikely to be a personal slight, whatever it is, and if it’s not personal then there’s no need to develop a thick skin.
Frustration is usually the difference between what we expected or wanted and what we got. Patience is learning to let go of what we expected and accept what is.
If you can stop seeing this as something wasted and start seeing it as just a different circumstance, it may help you get past your emotions and start focusing on what to do next.
It does bother me, but its also something I cannot control. I try to remind myself in situations like that, that I am only responsible for my own experience.
I cant control other people, but I can decide how I want to intemperate what has happened. I could choose to be mad, or hurt, or inconvenienced. Or, I can choose to pause, focus on my breathing, be mindful of myself and where I am putting my emotional energy.
Being angry, and hurt is easy start but actually requires lots of energy to maintain. I dont really want to spend all my time and energy on things that are now in the past and I cannot change, so I try to change what IS in my control, and if I can I try to support the people I depend on so they can be there when I need them.
it all sounds very woowoo and when your mad probably impossible, but like everything it requires practice. Start by stepping back, closing your eyes, breathing in and out slowly, then after like 15-30 seconds when you can engage your rational brain talk yourself through it. What could I have done differently, if it was not in my control then why am I choosing to intemperate it as malice or inconvenience? Can I or should I do anything different next time?
Do something like this any time your feeling this way and it will become a tool that you can start to depend on, and something you do control!
I would only add to do this also when you are not feeling this way. In my experience it’s very hard to make this happen if I only try to roll it out when I’m already feeling mad. Doing some daily meditation for 10-15 minutes is the only way I’ve had any success being able to engage that when I really need it. Also it’s nice to be able to step back and recognize good emotions / reactions.
There are many options between merely being polite and yelling. Maybe therapy can help you explore those.
I wanted to yell at her
Was that the first thing that you thought of?
Plenty of mental health issues present with anger as an initial response to perceived negative situations. Maybe that’s why op is seeking help.
That is exactly why I’m asking. Years ago I had problems with anger. Luckily going to university helped with that. Don’t know how but it helped me.
