If you swallow appleseed(s)
Smoke some cigarettes. The smoke will suffocate the bacteria
—Mac
“You’ve got to love him – he’s your brother, after all.”
Yeah, he’s my brother who would get angry and destroy all my things when we were young, my brother who sexually abused my youngest sibling, my brother who launched into a homophobic rant against my mom during a time when she had cancer, a brother who cheated on and verbally and physically abused his first wife, a brother who probably drove my nephew to suicide.
No, fuck him. I don’t love him, and I never will.
Yeah I’d say that’s got to be triggering to hear. How do you respond to “advice” like that normally? Assuming it’s from someone who actually knows your brother.
I never have any response that’s likely to be edifying or helpful, so I typically respond with, “Well, I don’t,” and try to disengage. That’s usually enough.
If you take a level of rogue you can disengage as a bonus action
Sounds like a good strategy. Less is more.
Some conversations are just not worth having, and I need to pick my battles
“Walk it off”
— coach
No, my torn ligaments need to rest and heal, asshole, not to endure further trauma. Get me some ice!
Puttin’ it on ice, bitches
Take a salt tablet.
Anything regarding loyalty to an employer or insurance company
Hard work always pays off.
smart work always pays off
;) ftfy
Being born wealthy always pays off.
I knew there was something I forgot to do
Not always. Sometimes you just end up as a waste of oxygen in jail.
“Undercover Cops have to tell you if they’re a cop,” or other variations I remember hearing all throughout high school.
Somehow though, organized crime hasn’t figured out this one simple trick to ferreting out undercover cops in their midst, just ask them.
Also: “Don’t trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn’t die.”
that second one seems way outta left field to me, what kinda contexts is that used in?
Vaginas
A one word answer that covers so many questions.
Like, “I don’t get it.”
Hahaha burn
Not if you wrap it before you tap it
you can’t go wrong if you shield your dong
It was from an episode of South Park:
Its the Criminal Bro Code
“Calm down.”
One thing that’s sure to make things worse is to tell an angry person to “calm down”…
- 4/7/8 breathing is better advice :)
- also Physiological sigh
It’s that like “in, hold, out”?
You gotter, ~~crocodile!
ottermuskrat
And the silly stepsister of this saying: Calm your tits!
Very useful when you want the opposite reaction.
SIR?!
YOLO
It’s like a mantra for bad decision making. But it should really be used the opposite way. Like… I better put my seat belt on because YOLO.
Your comment reminded me of this https://youtu.be/z5Otla5157c
If I pick up something that is too heavy my uterus will fall out.
Related query: Is there such thing as vaginal prolapse?
Also: are you Dwight Schrute lol?
Yes, there is such a thing as a vaginal prolapse but… That thing is really hooked in there! And no I am not Dwight.
Im scared to look 😫Wow, 1/3 of women will experience. Ladies, why do your genitals hate you so much?
It’s text.
This happened too a stray kitten I found years ago. She had gotten pregnant and this happened. We had to put her down.
Burn your garbage. Burning garbage makes smoke that goes up into the sky and becomes stars.
I wanna say its wrong but I don’t know enough about star formation to dispute it?!
Really, EVERYTHING originated from star dust, so you’re just returning it to the source!
Well not everything. I don’t think stars produce neutrons
Smoking cigarettes will suffocate the toxins in the apple skins sitting in your stomach.
*bacteria
“do what you love”
It’s so simple. Why didn’t I think of that before!
/S
Do what you love for a job and you’ll turn what you want to do into what you have to do.
do what you love and you will never
work a daylove anything in your lifeThe moment you depend on it to not live on the streets, then you don’t love it anymore.
if you ask a police officer for a piece of candy then legally they have to give you one
Fax
“Snitches get stitches.”
How do you expect conflict resolution to work?
With stitches…
Don’t try to bullshit me, I’m a bullshit artist.
If I ever told my dad, “are you shitting me?”, he’d reply with, “I’d never shit you, you’re my favorite turd.”
Lol love that one. My uncle was the one that used the Bullshit line on me
I think a lot of people here misread ‘favorite’ as ‘least favorite’
My company switched up retirement plans and they held a seminar to explain them. The person running the seminar said that we should be putting 15% of our salaries into retirement.
Nice idea, but if I put 15% of my salary into retirement, then I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills. I’m not living extravagantly or anything (buying something for $20 for my enjoyment seems like a splurge to me). Still, whenever I seem to be getting on a better financial footing, life throws me a curve ball. Need new hearing aids ($3,600). New a new dryer ($750). Might need a new car soon.
So either I need to be paid a lot more, I will be working until I’m 90, or I put away the money and go deep into debt but can retire. (Just kidding. I’m nearing 50. I likely won’t have enough to retire. Maybe when I’m 80.)
Better start working our way to a cushy desk job so we have somewhere comfortable to die.