Yesterday I was at a restaurant with my friends. This Asian guy came in and sat near us. I noticed him speaking Korean on the phone. I consume a lot of Korean content, so this got me really excited. On a whim, I decided to go up to him and chat. I introduced myself, and he invited me to sit with him if I wanted to, even though he was a bit awkward, lol. He ordered some stuff for me. I found out he’s here in Switzerland for work, and we had a good talk. I ended up hanging out with him around the city. We exchanged contact info and are seeing each other again today after he gets off work. It was my first time doing something like this, and I honestly didn’t know meeting people could be so spontaneous and organic.
I’m guessing you’re young? This is exactly how people have met new people for literally millennia. It’s only the decade or so that it became problematic. I’m glad you were able to figure it out and take the leap. May you find many new rewarding relationships, short and long term. So long as you respect anyone saying no to your overture, you’ll probably find many people are happy to have someone else take the first step.
Yes. Have done so several times, and have had people come up and talk to me out of the blue as well. Sometimes it has gone well. I’ve had a few good conversations with random people on long distance transport (planes, trains, and such) when I struck up conversations with whoever ended up in the seat next to me, and a few times (more rarely) in grocery stores when I’m having trouble finding something (or vice versa). e.g. got asked about uses for unusual ingredients I was having trouble finding and traded some recipe tips.
Usually when other people come up to me they just want me to give them money, or join their religion though.
Last summer I told someone I wanted to talk to them ‘face-to-face’ and he asked me if that was an app :(
When I used to travel a lot more for work I’d strike up conversations with people at the bar, usually went well. Especially older folk are more than willing to share their stories.
I struggle to strike up a conversation with people I already know
I live in a rural area and I regularly talk to people on my walk. For me they are strangers but apparently I talk to a lot the them regularly. I don’t remember faces/names easily so often they address me like a friend and I am clueless.
Yes. And I hate that it’s so hard to do now. My generation will always have a phone and earbuds in, and then complain that it’s hard to meet people.
I’ve gotten in an elevator with people my age and received awkward looks and silence when I make even a small comment.
If I’m on an elevator thats moving more than 2+ floors usually thats enough time for the weather conversation or quick small talk.
Totally agree, but don’t let that stop you, keep at it! Maybe those just weren’t your people.
every time this happens to me it is a gay man who is hoping to become intimate
That was considered normal behavior for most of human history.
This is what they stole from us.
They stole it from us. Sneaky little lizardses
imho people gave it away.
Yeah I was gonna say the same.
I grew up when you had to actually memorize or write down a phone number, and actually just know how to drive around your own town/city, without a real life, real time minimap (the 90s).
Yeah, for basically all Millenials and older, this is… completely normal, to occasionally, randomly strike up a conversation with someone.
Learning how to do that, when its unwelcome and you should probably back off, when its going well and it brightens both your days… that’s called ‘social skills’.
Think about it.
There are people reading this thread and having their minds blown.
Also, remember that the 0.01% send their kids to schools with absolute bans on phones. They know the value of being able to create a connection with another person.
You can just go, fairly easily, find a compilation video of children, Gen Alpha… well basically just destroying everything around them if you take away their phone or tablet.
When this all breaks, when internet access becomes exceedingly expensive or otherwise gated, or maybe we just can’t afford phones anymore after China stops letting anything with rare earth metals be exported to us…
Those kids are going to go feral.
Can’t read, can’t write, can’t think, need constant stimulation.
Sometimes. I dont push for it, but am always open to conversations that arise organically
Yes, this is how life was before internet. We made friends and talked to people who didn’t look up at you bug eyed from 24/7 tik Tok content if you talked to them.
Young folks are really going to have a tough go of human social interaction. No wonder depression is at an all time high.
Before the Internet people used newspapers and books to avoid interacting with strangers.
It was nowhere near as bad as it is now.
And, at least that could invite conversation about the news or book. You’ve never seen the book someone’s reading and been excited because you like it too?
Now you have no clue if bobby is watching oann news on his phone (he probably is) or a brianrot tiktok
I think it was only “better” in the past, because it was far less likely for someone to have things like properly isolating headphones and portable devices that could replay sound. I say better in air quotes, because people who feel an incessant need to fill any silence with mindless small talk were still annoying as hell back then for those of us who just wanted to be left in peace to do whatever we were trying to do before someone decided that they urgently needed to remark “Oh, it’s really raining,” upon seeing rain out the window of the bus, or what have you.
I’ve never had an issue with actually talking to people, mind you, it’s just that I find many people in the US have an insanely extroverted approach to conversation and will try to force it no matter the context. If I’m at a concert, or a book club or something, sure, we’re there to hang out, have a good time and meet people. If you’re trying to make conversation at a bus stop just to make conversation, it’s unnecessary. I planned for this downtime, I brought a book with me that I wanted to read. That you didn’t plan anything to occupy your time and your mind with doesn’t make it my responsibility to entertain you for however long I happen to be next to you.
Mind you, I’m not opposed to any and all conversation, but to keep with the mass transit theme, I’ll give you a recent example of what I’m talking about.
Guy: “Hey, you’re reading a book.” Me: “Yes, I am.” G: “That book isn’t in English.” M: “I’m aware, thanks.” G: “But then how do you know what it says?”
On and on for twenty minutes. This sort of vapid conversation that exists only to fill dead air is annoying as hell, and makes me more inclined to just not engage with people. Mind you, I don’t hate any and all conversations. I’ve had other interactions that start from a similar, “Wow, that book you’re reading isn’t in English,” observation, but then transition into something worth sustaining, like if they ask if there are any pointers for studying language, or how they really enjoy books from one country and want to study that language, or something else beyond merely speaking every time they perceive something, to let us know they do, in fact, have functioning sensory organs.
The whole “Just speak with anyone around you and be super outgoing,” approach to social interactions with strangers that’s been normalized in the US would be considered pretty weird elsewhere. Sure, people be too lost in social media or games or whatever is a bad thing if people aren’t learning how to socialize at all, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people just preferring not to be available for interaction at any time and with anyone, and choosing not to engage with people when they don’t want to and have the means to block them out.
In short, a lot of folks just need to stfu and realize that not everyone wants to constantly talk, and they should learn to discern the time and place for it, rather than imposing their preferences on everyone around them.
Yeah, phones are far too expensive to swat people away with. Plus, a rolled up newspaper or a book has much more heft.
You knew not to mess with the person reading Atlas Shrugged, that sucker hurt.
Skill issue, just gotta get a bigger phone. One of those rugged bomb proof ones.
Need to bring back Nokia brick phones for hitting motherfuckers with.
Shocking what can happen when humanity put down the phone and meet people in real life. Wish this normal behavior will be more commonplace like it used to be.
No, never. I’m too introverted for that.
LPT.
Old people love to chat. Ask them anything. “Is there a good bakery around here?”
It’s like any other exercise, the more you do, the more you’ll be able to do tomorrow.
I’ve always worked in retail and sales, and have even owned retail shops, so I long ago got comfortable with chatting with strangers.
I once went to a big dinner party with a couple of friends, where none of us knew anyone else at the party.
We sat together, but I barely said a word to my friends. I spent most of my time speaking with people I didn’t already know. As we were walking home, one of my friends asked “How do you do that? Just talk to people like that?”
I hadn’t really thought of it before, but all I do is Be Honest. If I know about a subject, I will say it, and even debate it if I have to. But more importantly, if I DON’T know about a subject, I don’t pretend to know stuff, and try to fake it. That only makes you look like a doofus. There is no shame in admitting you don’t know much about something, but you are curious, and then ask questions, and then follow up questions, so they see that you are really trying to understand, and you are counting on them to teach you. People really appreciate that attitude, especially when it’s genuine.
Even more importantly, I try to avoid subjects I already know about, and can expound upon at length, and try to learn about something new. Someone has an interesting job that I’ve never experienced? Let’s learn about that.
It’s especially effective if I’ve done both - asked questions about things I don’t know about, while also speaking definitively about things I do know about. Then people realize that you are smart, but also a genuinely curious person, who isn’t just trying to look important by being a phony.
Don’t be like my dummy uncle, who always has to prove to everybody that he knows more about their job than they do, no matter how educated and experienced they are, and always invents some story where he saved the day, or told off someone in authority. {sigh}
Yeah exactly! Everything you said. It’s definitely curiosity that’s key. Just being curious about the people around you. Every single person you pass will see the world through a different window, than you ever can, and the only way to see through their window is to ask them, their view is formed by how they, specifically grew up, and the places they’ve seen, and knowledge they’ve absorbed.
Personally, I pretend I don’t know as much about something, because other people’s interpretation can give you a better perspective on something, you already know. Probably pretend is too strong a word, I more ask questions from their perspective before saying my perspective. Because if you just make bold statements, people are mostly too polite to correct you. And I find, sometimes people help me add to my knowledge, or help me see I’ve picked something up wrong, if I phrase things in questions rather than statements.
Now that I’m older, all that conversation serves me well, because I always have an anecdote about nearly anything, even if it’s not mine. I don’t take credit, I always say, I once met a guy who…
Not long ago, someone was amazed that I actually had something to contribute to some obscure subject, and somebody else said, “Oh, yeah, that’s Barney. He’s got a story for everything.”
Most normal experience of life before 2005-2010ish.
The real old school version would have you both become pen pals and mail each other letters a few times a year for decades until one is you died or moves.
