I have schizophrenia, a condition that fights itself being treated. I do pretty well on the meds. I’m pretty happy on the meds. But I still want to just abandon them and go all the way into being an addict until death. Part of me just doesn’t want to do well. No matter how solid the solid becomes, I feel this deep need for these massive good and bad swings. I don’t just need the highs of the psychotic mania, I need the lows too. A part of me wants to eat my hand again.
I’ve gone about a week without my anti-psychotic. I’m kinda split on whether or not I should take it tonight. I know this may seem like too much, but please convince me to take my meds
You must log in or # to comment.
well, you do pretty well on the meds, and you’re pretty happy on the meds, so you should take them. maybe after you take them you can smoke a cigarette to give yourself litte a addiction until death or something, as a treat, but lay off the booze. you’re not happy on the booze.
but you’re pretty happy on the meds, so you should take your meds.
Yeah, I’ve been really trying to kick the booze for a while. I go to an AA meeting at least once a week because I’m so tired of being like this. I used to love smoking cigs after I took my meds but I actually quit smoking to do nic pouches, and I think losing my post med cig was probably damaging.
Alcohol truly makes me miserable though. Mark my words, if I don’t stop drinking soon I will be dead by my own hand before 25.
everyone i’ve ever known who took anti-psychotics was a chain smoker, it seems like there’s something to that. i’m not a mental health professional and this is not professional psychiatric or medical advice, but all things considered maybe it’s better to stick with smoking a bit longer if it helps you take your meds and not drink.
Anti-psychotics all have an interesting effect where they dampen all dopamine and seratonin receptors except for your nicotine receptors. Your nicotine receptors are the last thing that make you feel fully as joyous as you were before meds. Nicotine also curbs every side effect of APs, increased appetite and dissociation being the main ones. Once I started anti-psychotics, I straight up told the people closest to me that I was now never going to be able to quit nicotine. I could accept switching forms, I didn’t feel like I needed the cig, but I at least needed the nicotine.
We take meds bc it makes us feel better and keeps us safe. if I don’t take meds I will die bc my brain is wired to make me miserable regardless of how good I have it.
Yeah I think you’re right. I should be on top of the world right now. Every downer ever mixed together with some beer and pot on top, I should feel amazing. But even when doing things I normally enjoy, it was like I was being drug through glass shards. I am miserable without my meds, and even notice how miserable I am without them regularly. Even long before I started seeing a psych.
I’ve always really needed medication, and always really wanted to self medicate myself. I really need to break that. Sorry for the rant, I know this might be dump-y but I have to write this out for myself to understand myself I guess.
Repeated episodes, which are substantially more likely without the meds make the lows significantly lower, as well as lowering the highs.
My doc has me on an astronomical dose of 3 different atypicals and I chainsmoke to cope.
I need to start smoking cigs again. The pouches are great, but I feel certain areas of my life actively degrading because I don’t have the regimen that cigarettes provided.
Yeah, I guess I just keep forgetting how low my episodes are. Literal months long of nothing but dissociation. They’re so long that they always make me forget why I even live. What atypicals are you on if you don’t mind me asking? Feel free to ignore this question
Paliperodone (just switched from intramuscular to pills)
Olanzapine (devil drug, would rather be psychotic than the fat zombie this turns me into)
Aripipazole (tolerated fairly well all in all)
Pailperidone is one I’m actually interested in. How does it treat you? Was the injection actually good? I’d love the ability to not skip my meds for a month if it works that well.
Olanzapine was so weird for me. So much heavier with all of the worst side normal effects of anti-psychs. That’s the drug that made me stop taking my prescribed meds.
Abilify gave me akathesia that I’m still living with and correcting.
How does the combo work for you? I have personal trauma with much of your cocktail, but I’m curious if it actually treats you right.
[I tolerate the intramuscular APs much better because I don’t randomly go into withdrawal after a night on the town. They are significantly more expensive in AmeriKKKa, so I switched to the pills because $5600 per vial was
. I don’t take the olanzapine at all. I am on four times the standard 5mg dose because of a shitty pdoc, and I had to fight for months to get it reduced from 40mg after stabilizing from my last episode. I really only keep it around as a trip killer.The not!Parkinsons from atypicals sounds absolutely horrifying and the thought of it occasionally keeps me up at night, I am so sorry that you have to deal with that.
Well just know if you ever hit that side effect of not!Parkinsons, you know. Back on abilify, it was so bad that I fully relapsed on opiates because they were the only thing that would help me sit still. I wanted to kill myself just so I could get some sleep, it was that bad. If you get it, there is no doubt in your mind
if you take your meds i’ll give you a virtual high five!
I don’t want to fall asleep in public places or get distracted while driving
