Don’t get me wrong, I think gender reveal parties are ridiculous as well, but what would your guys opinion be on how gender assignment should be handled at birth?
I have a (cis) daughter and would be fully supportive if she came out as non-binary or trans, but as a parent I still want her to be able to socialise with other kids and that means that there just are some societal standards we have to conform to in order for her to be accepted by her peers. It’s not like I can raise her as this gender neutral entity until she is old enough to grasp the “gender is a social construct” thing, especially not if I would take things away from her she enjoys or might enjoy.
Reshaping how society thinks is a slow burn matter, and getting mad at people for conforming to current standards or for being happy that they are having a child won’t help them see your point of view.
i’m not advocating for people to not know what gender a kid was assigned at birth or anything (in the short term, it would be nice to live in that world someday), just be chill about it. don’t make it a big deal, don’t go have a party to celebrate it, and when you tell people don’t frame it as you being incredibly excited to have a baby of the gender they’ve been assigned. don’t say “my partner and i are having a baby!” and then later go “oh my god i’m so happy it’s a boy!” or anything like that
i mean, i might still get a little grumpy if you feel the need to tell me about how you got the ultrasound and saw your kids genitals but i recognize that that’s not actually that big a deal if you’re chill about the other stuff and i probably won’t think less of you
i know some people that raised their kids degendered (re: not referring to them as she/her or w.e., only by name, until the kid ‘picks a side’). its been a bit now and the kids are pretty well adjusted and seem to have a better understanding of how gender works and the ridiculousness of how we assign certain things to certain genders. honestly not sure if thats specifically how id raise a kid, but its interesting i guess
I wish we lived in the kind of society many North Americans had - you know, before the settlers wiped them out. kids weren’t gendered and their names were neutral and temporary until they announced their adult names and genders at a coming out ceremony. literally broke down sobbing in public when I read about it in an anthropology book because of how much kinder and humane such a system is. obviously that’s not something you can implement on your own but you can deemphasize a kid’s assigned sex at birth and give leave them space to tell you who they are when they know it for themselves.
You can still see that in some indigenous communities today. The one near me does that. It varies with others. Some are much more rigid with gender roles while others aren’t.
My personal opinion? Keep it relatively gender neutral but raise your kids as their assigned gender until further notice and maybe talk to them about how GNC and trans identities are OK and stuff.
Don’t get me wrong, I think gender reveal parties are ridiculous as well, but what would your guys opinion be on how gender assignment should be handled at birth?
I have a (cis) daughter and would be fully supportive if she came out as non-binary or trans, but as a parent I still want her to be able to socialise with other kids and that means that there just are some societal standards we have to conform to in order for her to be accepted by her peers. It’s not like I can raise her as this gender neutral entity until she is old enough to grasp the “gender is a social construct” thing, especially not if I would take things away from her she enjoys or might enjoy.
Reshaping how society thinks is a slow burn matter, and getting mad at people for conforming to current standards or for being happy that they are having a child won’t help them see your point of view.
i’m not advocating for people to not know what gender a kid was assigned at birth or anything (in the short term, it would be nice to live in that world someday), just be chill about it. don’t make it a big deal, don’t go have a party to celebrate it, and when you tell people don’t frame it as you being incredibly excited to have a baby of the gender they’ve been assigned. don’t say “my partner and i are having a baby!” and then later go “oh my god i’m so happy it’s a boy!” or anything like that
i mean, i might still get a little grumpy if you feel the need to tell me about how you got the ultrasound and saw your kids genitals but i recognize that that’s not actually that big a deal if you’re chill about the other stuff and i probably won’t think less of you
i know some people that raised their kids degendered (re: not referring to them as she/her or w.e., only by name, until the kid ‘picks a side’). its been a bit now and the kids are pretty well adjusted and seem to have a better understanding of how gender works and the ridiculousness of how we assign certain things to certain genders. honestly not sure if thats specifically how id raise a kid, but its interesting i guess
I wish we lived in the kind of society many North Americans had - you know, before the settlers wiped them out. kids weren’t gendered and their names were neutral and temporary until they announced their adult names and genders at a coming out ceremony. literally broke down sobbing in public when I read about it in an anthropology book because of how much kinder and humane such a system is. obviously that’s not something you can implement on your own but you can deemphasize a kid’s assigned sex at birth and give leave them space to tell you who they are when they know it for themselves.
You can still see that in some indigenous communities today. The one near me does that. It varies with others. Some are much more rigid with gender roles while others aren’t.
My personal opinion? Keep it relatively gender neutral but raise your kids as their assigned gender until further notice and maybe talk to them about how GNC and trans identities are OK and stuff.