Gonna start by saying I am super nervous even posting this. It is one thing to even admit things to myself in my head let alone reach out on the internet. Hopefully it is okay to post this here.

I guess I am trying to figure out if I might be trans (Or partly trans, though I guess that would still count.)

Little basic info is early 30s male, big guy.

I am pretty sure attraction and gender are seperate but related. My preferred, gonna call it, entertainment material has transfem models. I have the thought along the lines of I wish I had a body like hers fairly often. And when I see women in public, in some dresses and skirts, I have started admitting to myself that I am kind of jealous that they can wear that and I can’t.

I have also wondered/fantasized about having breasts.

I will admit that I do crossdress bottom half only, but only privately.

I don’t think I would have major issue just living outwardly as just a dude, except maybe future regret for not trying to be who I possibly want to be.

I created this alt just so I could more comfortably engage in this community, but I am still kind of freaking myself out and really worried I am just spamming where I shouldn’t be.

Sorry for being so scrambled with my thoughts. So trying to come back to a point for making this post, am I possibly in the closet trans? Any thoughts maybe I should contemplate to try to get an answer for myself?

Thanks

(Even up to this point I am still thinking about not posting this. I am kind of scared of someone figuring out who I am making this post. It just seems easier to just go on keeping this all my just my head.)

Morning after post edit:

Thanks everyone for your comments. They are helping me wake up a bit. My stupid brain wouldn’t let me sleep last night. Probably got a little over an hour of sleep. I swear I was trying really hard to sleep, I just couldn’t stop running hypothetical situations in my head. Surprisingly not anything negative though.

Edit 2: I may not be replying to all, but I assure you that I am reading.

  • Chloyster [she/her]@beehaw.org
    8·
    1 year ago

    Just wanted to chime in and say you’re absolutely welcome here. This kind of questioning is normal for gender queer people. Like others have said, who you are and who you want to be can only be decided by you.

    I had very similar thoughts to yours when I was first coming out to myself. What ended up being very important for me was finding safe ways to explore my gender and what felt the most right. I would do things like shave my legs, or dress up, try some makeup etc. The other really important thing I did was see a gender therapist. It was immensely helpful for me to sort through the scramble my brain was in and really self reflect and see who I was.

    I’m sorry you feel scared posting this, I can relate to that 🫂 Beehaw is a safe space though. I hope you can sort through your thoughts and continue to explore your gender. While often hard, the journey I’ve been on has been beautiful and the best thing ive done in my life. You are always welcome here