Gonna start by saying I am super nervous even posting this. It is one thing to even admit things to myself in my head let alone reach out on the internet. Hopefully it is okay to post this here.

I guess I am trying to figure out if I might be trans (Or partly trans, though I guess that would still count.)

Little basic info is early 30s male, big guy.

I am pretty sure attraction and gender are seperate but related. My preferred, gonna call it, entertainment material has transfem models. I have the thought along the lines of I wish I had a body like hers fairly often. And when I see women in public, in some dresses and skirts, I have started admitting to myself that I am kind of jealous that they can wear that and I can’t.

I have also wondered/fantasized about having breasts.

I will admit that I do crossdress bottom half only, but only privately.

I don’t think I would have major issue just living outwardly as just a dude, except maybe future regret for not trying to be who I possibly want to be.

I created this alt just so I could more comfortably engage in this community, but I am still kind of freaking myself out and really worried I am just spamming where I shouldn’t be.

Sorry for being so scrambled with my thoughts. So trying to come back to a point for making this post, am I possibly in the closet trans? Any thoughts maybe I should contemplate to try to get an answer for myself?

Thanks

(Even up to this point I am still thinking about not posting this. I am kind of scared of someone figuring out who I am making this post. It just seems easier to just go on keeping this all my just my head.)

Morning after post edit:

Thanks everyone for your comments. They are helping me wake up a bit. My stupid brain wouldn’t let me sleep last night. Probably got a little over an hour of sleep. I swear I was trying really hard to sleep, I just couldn’t stop running hypothetical situations in my head. Surprisingly not anything negative though.

Edit 2: I may not be replying to all, but I assure you that I am reading.

  • OOFshoot@beehaw.org
    14·
    1 year ago

    While I get the feeling that, at this point, the suggestion “talk to a therapist that specializes in gender identity” would be met with a bunch of trepidation, that’s probably going to be the most conclusive action you could take.

    In the mean time, I would suggest reading some memoirs written by trans people to see how much you identify with their pre-transition experiences. She’s Not There by Jennifer Finney Boylan is a classic one, but there are many you could read.

    Everything you’ve said so far are hints that you might be trans, but as an internet stranger I’m not qualified to “diagnose” you. You could be something only halfway to trans (whatever that means) and an actual licensed therapist is going to be best equipped to help you figure it out.

    In either case, have fun figuring out who you really want to be! Nothing is better than being allowed to be comfortable as yourself!