Gonna start by saying I am super nervous even posting this. It is one thing to even admit things to myself in my head let alone reach out on the internet. Hopefully it is okay to post this here.

I guess I am trying to figure out if I might be trans (Or partly trans, though I guess that would still count.)

Little basic info is early 30s male, big guy.

I am pretty sure attraction and gender are seperate but related. My preferred, gonna call it, entertainment material has transfem models. I have the thought along the lines of I wish I had a body like hers fairly often. And when I see women in public, in some dresses and skirts, I have started admitting to myself that I am kind of jealous that they can wear that and I can’t.

I have also wondered/fantasized about having breasts.

I will admit that I do crossdress bottom half only, but only privately.

I don’t think I would have major issue just living outwardly as just a dude, except maybe future regret for not trying to be who I possibly want to be.

I created this alt just so I could more comfortably engage in this community, but I am still kind of freaking myself out and really worried I am just spamming where I shouldn’t be.

Sorry for being so scrambled with my thoughts. So trying to come back to a point for making this post, am I possibly in the closet trans? Any thoughts maybe I should contemplate to try to get an answer for myself?

Thanks

(Even up to this point I am still thinking about not posting this. I am kind of scared of someone figuring out who I am making this post. It just seems easier to just go on keeping this all my just my head.)

Morning after post edit:

Thanks everyone for your comments. They are helping me wake up a bit. My stupid brain wouldn’t let me sleep last night. Probably got a little over an hour of sleep. I swear I was trying really hard to sleep, I just couldn’t stop running hypothetical situations in my head. Surprisingly not anything negative though.

Edit 2: I may not be replying to all, but I assure you that I am reading.

  • jennifilm@beehaw.orgM
    12·
    1 year ago

    Hey, you’re welcome here - so don’t worry about that.

    No one can tell you who they are, but we can absolutely share and try help you along in that process. Lots of what you’ve described is pretty common for lots of trans folks, for sure. I spent a long time going back and forth and questioning myself a lot, and a big barrier for me was being really worried about what it would be like to be trans, and how hard it would be - and while it’s been challenging at times, my life is so much richer and more full for it.

    All i can recommend is continuing to have an open mind - if you’re comfortable with asking this of yourself, and comfortable seeking out and learning more, that will help guide you on the way - and even if it turns out you’re not trans, at least you’ll have learnt a lot along the way!