Background+rant: I’m in my early to mid-20s and still living at home with my dad. I’m not a NEET and am employed at a normal office job. I enjoy the comfort of my home. I like being with family (and I believe they feel blessed to have their kid at home longer). I like not having to pay rent. However, I also keep feeling some nagging pressure to “grow up and leave the nest”.
Everything in my mind tells me that moving out is irrational. I would lose 1/3rd of my income to rent, go through a bunch of logistical hoops to find a new place, lose the last few moments I have with my family, just so I can prove to nobody that I’m independent, maybe discover new things, and also probably get in on some of that loneliness action that the rest of my generation is going through.
Yet, the pressure is still there. No one looks down on me for it, but I feel a bit embarrassed to tell people I’m living at home, like I’m admitting failure or incompetency. My friends will occasionally ask when I’m planning on moving out and the question just lingers longer than it should in my head. I compare myself to my parents and grandparents and can’t help but feel like a child compared to the people they were when they were at my age.
Obviously quite conflicted on this, so I’m interested in seeing what others have to say.
This pressure is solely a North American thing. They don’t push kids out in Europe. They have a very connected family dynamic. The only time adult kids go out on their own is if they need the space for bigger fam or need to move far for work. Otherwise fam are entirely happy to stick together. If anything parents want the kids to stay to help as they grow older and they aren’t alone. Sort of a switch over in responsibility later. But this is considering a healthy family dynamic. Not an abusive one. Abusive families still run away.
In North America ‘Living with parents’ seems to pick on who benefits and if anyone is prevented from doing things they need to do to get to the next step in their life to be capable of independence.
I’m living with a with a relative who I get along fine with and I’ve already done the ‘leave the nest’ thing.
I don’t have more life style growth to learn how to survive independently as I have the career I want and making the money I want. I can easily move out and get a place if that is what I need to do. I’ve done it before.
I’m back with fam because living alone is expensive for all of us. But we also really enjoy each others company. If anything it’s more that we live with each other for both of our benefit. Not just me living with them for my own benefit.
It’s worth noting that, by and large, American culture makes it a pretty stifling experience for most people to stay at home as an adult. There are a lot of nuances that create this dynamic.
There’s also the undeniable frequency at which these parent/children relationships turn toxic that I think other cultures ignore. I have a first generation Korean friend in his mid-twenties who left the country because, despite how unhealthy his home environment is with his parents is, the social pressure to stay is incredibly high.
It’s a part of American rugged individualism
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rugged_individualism
I really wish we had a culture that promoted healthier family dynamics and that staying at home longer was more common as a result. Maybe then I’d still have family and a safety net.
Feels like the living with parents shame is part of the new deal propaganda that led to highways and suburbs. There’s a poster from that time that says something like “owning a home makes you a real american”. If renting makes you “not a real american” than idk what living with your parents makes you.