technically its confidence and hygiene.
Hygiene, manners, fitness, generally not being a creep.
As a woman I would like to add that the Fitness part is not true. Of course if you want to ask out a gym girl she will care about fitness, but also if you want to ask a “fashion” girl out she will care about fashion and so on. Know your target before putting effort in the wrong thing. I’m the type that cares zero about fitness.
Hygiene, manners and not being a creep is default tho. Please do that.
I am a lady and do care about fitness, not so much for looks but as a sign guys take reasonable care of their health. When younger, didn’t care much. But now I am older and guys who are inactive fall apart, and become a lot of work. I know that there’s no guarantee of health but much better odds of more healthy years if a guy takes care of his physical body.
Younger generations also need appropriate internet socialization for the social medias. Need to not live under a rock but also not go off the deep end of Insta or 4chan, respectively.
The finer details of making friends on a discord server befuddles me.
Isn’t a discord like a curated list of people who you at least share an interest with?
The sketch with squigly lines here doesn’t just represent hygiene. It shows how doomed he is
You see doom, I see a montage worthy makeover.
What song is playing in the montage?
Obviously the final countdown.
By default I was in fact thinking of “The Final Countdown”, but for this I’ll go for a slightly more wholesome approach. “Carry on Wayward Son”
I love seeing how this crusty bastard devolves over time. I don’t know that anyone can make him look any worse at this point.
His forehead constitutes 50% of his face but is relatively clean. We need more scabbed over zits.
his eyes are still pretty decent
There was an even worse version but it was pretty gory like actually fucking horrible
Wojack Rickety Cricket
Perhaps a shower and a haircut wouldn’t hurt.
I’m having my weekly shower later today! 👍
I’ve seen way too many guys who think they’re uglier than they are. Confidence and Comedy really are great ways to have a shot, even if you’re faking the confidence. Its a tough lesson, but you DO need to sell yourself a little
I always joke that I snagged my wife by being funny. Then she laughs. Then I’m like “See!?” It’s a great bit. She insists I’m handsome. I don’t see it. The parts of me she compliments aren’t even things I’m conscious of.
Yeah, exactly. Not only are a lot of men nowhere NEAR as ugly as they think they are, ugly is also subjective, and theres gonna be a partner who probably thinks you’re physically hot
Removed by mod
With the rate of obsessive angry men in the world, I’d be amazed at any woman brave enough to give a straight “No” instead of a nonspecific answer used to get themselves out of the situation.
People aren’t just dealing with ”No”, but “No, and the chances that you’re a rapist are high enough I’m now scared of you and won’t give you a straight answer”.
If someone thinks you’re a rapist then you’re probably doing something wrong.
I wouldn’t claim recipients of rejection are “victims”, since being rejected is a perfectly normal interaction; but this is so close to victim blaming it’s not even funny.
I’m reminded of playing through Class of 09, and 60% of the endings resulting in people claiming “If everyone is ganging up on you, Nicole, then maybe you’re the one at fault?” Real smooth judicial logic there.
The victims here would be the people who are so uncomfortable with someone’s actions that they believe they’re being accosted by a rapist.
Yeah that’s fair. “No” in this case is just if you try to see if someone wants to do more than just occasionally and/or randomly see each other. That happens when you’re trying to make new friends, etc.
There’s a lot of ways to say no. I just meant it generally. But I feel you.
The overwhelming majority of men aren’t rapists. But the overwhelming majority of rapists are men.
You’re smart and insightful, and even though maybe sometimes people don’t see it, I see it. And this was an important comment to make. Thank you for your bravery. Truly.
Do you want a friend, or a relationship? That seems very unclear from your phrasing.
The least you can do for people is be honest. Even if it leads to mild rejection heartbreak, it’s dishonest and hurtful to falsely claim you just want a friendship. Some women are just trying to make friends so they have people to fall back on socially, and find out the only three people they hang out with planned to get into their pants at some point. That’s not good for anyone.
No, I’m in a very long and stable relationship, and I have many very wonderful friends. I do enjoy meeting new people, though. You seem super nice, but I’m all set, but thank you so much for asking! You’re so sweet! 🥰
I really would’ve thought the context of being in a conversation about how people gain relationships would’ve made clear I was asking about ‘what you’re seeking’ when you give this theoretical relationship advice, rather than suddenly attempting a lifelong connection via internet comments, but hey, whatever floats your ego (even if that’s clicking a ‘down’ button).
Oh no worries! I’m not downvoting you at all! I really appreciate you! Thank you so much!
Confidence in yourself takes work. Confident people are confident because they loved themselves first and you take care of those you love
nah you start by faking it and being ironically confident until you trick yourself and it becomes second nature. replace self deprecating humor with god complex humor until you believeeeee
yikes
I mean, 6 of one. If you feel better and aren’t a total dick to everyone I think that’s a win
Why do some people “love themselves first” and some do not?
Because it’s effort and not everybody is up to doing that work for one reason or another. We all have self doubt and it takes a lot to push past that sometimes
Confident people are confident because they are handsome, therefore their advances work more often than not, leading to more confidence.
Confidence is not what makes someone attractive, it’s the other way around.
True confidence is the assurance that who you are is good enough, not that you’re perfect and need no improvement, but that if you’re doing your best to respect other people that you deserve the same.
If your “confidence” changes based on how others treat you, then it’s not truly self-esteem but rather pride and ego.
Sure real confidence does, but fake confidence is a good step on that path, and is better than none at all
Cartoon memes are starting to resemble actual art
You gotta show up for yourself before you’re gonna get the girl my dude. Fix those open sores on your face and shave.
and I thought open source was a good thing…
And for the love of god, F(L)OSS.
and shave
Shaving is for losers. BEARDS rule!
WHY ARE WE INCEL POSTING
Are we? I hate how everyone who struggles with relationships is instantly called an incel.
I wish there was a better way to distinguish between small-i incel (a life condition you’d like to change) and big-I Incel (a toxic social movement).
There’s r/foreveralone. I don’t know how the community evolved, but like 7 or so years ago it was basically what you described. People seeking comfort over feeling undateable and being scared of never finding anyone, but without the toxicity and hate that incels are known for.
Don’t ask me how I know this.
(a life condition you’d like to change)
Incel ideology is defined by the “involuntary” (the “In” in “Incel”). So by definition, saying that something can be changed, implies it is not involuntary. And not a part of the ideology.
And because choosing to follow the ideology is a choice, there can be no such thing as a “small ‘i’” incel.
Except it’s not exactly involuntary for them, is it? People who subscribe to that ideology are undateable because they become awful, toxic people, which can be changed.
Well, this meme is specifically promoting the notion that how attractive you look directly correlates to your ability to date people. When how you look is not the be all end all of dating.
This general concept of one’s “biologically ordained appearance” being incompatible with finding love and relationships is closely tied with incel ideology. The “black pill” is generally used to denote that you’re biologically and immutably so unattractive that you will never be able to “compete in the sexual marketplace.” Felt gross just typing that. It’s also attached to the conspiracy theory of “hypergamy,” that you’re so unattractive that even women of “comparable conventional attractiveness” won’t ever date you.
The message of the meme, that someone is so unattractive they can not date anyone at all, is not explicitly incel ideology, but that notion is closely tied to it. In all likelihood this meme was made by someone in the incel community or who regularly consumes incel content.
this meme is specifically promoting the notion that how attractive you look directly correlates to your ability to date people
There are behavioral studies showing this to be completely true. As someone who is honest about how I probably wouldn’t date an unattractive person, I freely admit this tracks; and, unlike incels, I absolutely don’t blame either gender for this fact. It’s just how our brains are wired.
Everyone’s idea of physical attraction will be different. There’s also people who don’t strongly have opinions about physical attraction as they do about personality attraction. And then you have intellectual attraction.
There are people out there single and happy regardless of their attractiveness and not even bothered with it. They aren’t even lonely. There are people where it’s not even their lifestyle. There are plenty of people who may not appear physically attractive to one person but are in happy relationships. So physical attraction is a red herring argument when it comes to describing what makes a person turn into an incel.
It’s about how an incel handles rejection and being alone. There’s much more to do with obsessiveness, loneliness, entitlement, anger transference and toxic thinking than it does with attraction in and of itself. The toxicity becomes more a self fulfilling prophecy.
Sure, people that can completely ignore physical appearance exist; it’s a bit of a straw man to say any claim is about 100.00% of people. The point is that appearance matters to a majority of people - and that it’s often the first attractor that even leads to any further discovery. Romantic comedies tend to put “opposites” into quirky unexpected circumstances that lead to that discovery, but that won’t happen for a lot of people.
But as to your second and third paragraphs, you are completely correct - and it may have been a missed expectation thinking I was arguing against that. People should be happy on their own. It might just be me thinking that the meme is originally pointed towards people expressing that relationships are something everyone should seek, because it has nothing to do with attractiveness - and that is what I consider untrue. But yes, people can still choose to be “ugly” (by mild comparison) and happy. Nothing totally excuses toxic behavior from people’s rejection.
ohh is there also a study defining exactly how ugly YOU are? or maybe you have some mental health issues and this is just more self deprecating talk?
that’s the issue here, mother fuckers keep saying “study study study fact fact fact ugly ugly ugly” but that speaks nothing to their own situation. you can abuse facts and research, and I see it literally every day: depressed people cherry pick negative evidence to support their worldview that they are worthless
There are two good arguments here.
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Biologically attractive people will be generally more successful at having casual sexual encounters. Whether or not this tracks to actually finding love or just finding sex is unsure. Furthermore, whether it has to do with “unattractive” people being less confident/more self-conscious is yet to be shown.
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If you take care of yourself and actually go out and interact with women (and people in general), forcing yourself into uncomfortable social situations, eventually you’ll get better at talking to people and talking to people is like 80% of dating.
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depressed people cherry pick negative evidence to support their worldview that they are worthless
These people need help. It’s not my problem or responsibility. It’s THEIR responsibility.
Like many, I have not seen any success, or really attention (to share my social skills) in dating apps. That step is wholly decided by physical attractiveness.
I’d be happy to throw away any attempt at using those sites, but unfortunately much of the dating world has moved to them; and the people in relationships I do know generally used them.
What we know of those sites suggests the only men receiving attention on them are in the top 10% in terms of appearance. I’ve also anecdotally heard from women who admit to using the environment more for attention seeking behavior than actual relationships. I certainly wouldn’t call myself “ugly” for being in the bottom 90 percentile. I am okay with my appearance - I just know I’m not a perfect Adonis. I’m even okay with that behavior from the opposite gender - you can’t help what you like. Even if one of my friends was a granite-chinned gigachad, I wouldn’t fault him for just refusing to work through such a toxic environment - even if he has trouble finding such relationships elsewhere.
This is a complex situation not faulted to any one gender. The net effect, though, is that it’s not a good idea for anyone to date unless you’re blinded towards the survivorship bias you see from those that make it through, or are unconventionally attractive.
Online dating is not really the best snapshot of stability when it comes to people and relationships, or people who should be in relationships.
You run a high chance that there are scammers. That will immediately taint your findings.
Well, this meme is specifically promoting the notion that how attractive you look directly correlates to your ability to date people. When how you look is not the be all end all of dating.
How is that incel ideology? Incels hate women and think they are entitled to sexual relationships. This has nothing to do with believing dating potential directly correlates to physical attractiveness (which it does, at least for men).
If you wanna go ahead and read the rest of my comment I explain it lol
The message of the meme, that someone is so unattractive they can not date anyone at all, is not explicitly incel ideology,
Hmmm, to me it read differenlty: that someone who is attractive doesn’t understand the problems that come with being unattractive, and also it was funny how naively the guy in the bottom row asks “are you sure?”.
I guess, like everything else in life, there’s more than one way to read/interpret something.
This is absolutely an incel meme. Incel ideology hinges on always placing the blame on something external (often women and genetics) for their problems, never their own actions. If someone were to blame themselves and take responsibility for their own situation, it would by definition not be Involuntary.
How so? Incels blame women for their failures. I blame myself.
I wasn’t calling you an Incel.
I posted it to promote one thing and one thing only: giggles from the shitposting meme community.
I’m F30 (if that matters at all), I have a boyfriend, we live together in a stable and happy relationship, we’re both social, have lots of friends and boardgames and beer, and occasionally take each other out on dates at nice restaurants. Neither of us is “unattractive” (whatever that means in this context, quite subjective I’d say), and we both laughed our ass off at this meme, it was funny, and gave my brain the giggles. Not everything like this is pushing incel ideology, and neither does anything else on my profile (feel free to check, I guess?).
PS: It’s nice to see people giving each other advice for dating here… One funny thing about the meme is that that person in the bottom row might simply “view” themselves that way, or exaggerate the contrast between him and the guy in the upper row. All in all, some people got the laughs, others got nice advice, there was no intention to promote any kind of ideology, so I’d say it’s been a good post.
One funny thing about the meme is that that person in the bottom row might simply “view” themselves that way, or exaggerate the contrast between him and the guy in the upper row.
YOU ARE SO CLOSE TO GETTING IT
no one on earth looks like the dude in the image but I see people everyday who genuinely believe that’s what they look like and their life is doomed
you can see how someone who is exposed to that mentality regularly would be alarmed to see it appearing on here right?
So… Next time you want me to post it with a trigger warning? I didn’t really feel like it needed one, being a meme and all.
And please stop taking to me like this, this patronizing tone is not called for.
I’m not trying to diminish your experience, but it’s called “dogwhistling” for a reason. You, being in a secure happy relationship, are unlikely to hear it. But a deeply insecure young man looking to externalize his shame absolutely will. He is the target, not you.
I know you didn’t mean harm, and FWIW, this is not my opinion, it’s a central tenant to Incel ideology. Here is the exact same “joke” on the Incels wiki.
Right, thanks for pointing out that it would be dogwhistling if I had done it intentionally. I’m not taking it down though, seems like there is sufficient discussion in the comment section about this, plus people seem to think it’s more funny than it’s offensive.
my issue isn’t even the blame, it’s the delusional self-deprecation
Well …it is in SHITposting…
why not just post swastikas then
It’s Lemmy Shitpost, is it not?
again, why not just post swastikas then? if it doesn’t mean anything and you don’t stand by its message, what’s the difference? it’s all just white noise on shitpost right?
What the fuck are you taking about my dude
I guess saying anything that sniffs remotely as politically incorrect (whatever that is these days) leads us straight to swastikas lol
I mean if you posted a funny meme of hitler, would it not have a swastika on it?
And yes, this is Lemmy Shitpost. If you want classier shit I think you might want to look elsewhere.
Here is an alternative Piped link(s):
https://www.piped.video/watch?v=OAYcAdUKMts
Piped is a privacy-respecting open-source alternative frontend to YouTube.
I’m open-source; check me out at GitHub.
Lol this is hilarious!!!
That whole movie is an absolute gem
It’s all he needs. You on the other hand… had better be a trillionaire. :-P
Average mfr with a anime pfp arguing politics on unrelated topics
I’m just imagining this scene in a cartoon and it is kind of funny, if it were drawn literally as is.
Why the duck
Confidence is knowing that she’s not The One.
