I am still very early in this whole process, and there is still a lot of self doubt, so I am reading a lot of literature on “Am I trans” and dysphoria.
One concept that people often like to propose in these ressources is the button that makes you the opposite gender, and, crucially, also makes everyone else believe that you have been that way forever.
I don’t really like this, because my time as a boy/man is part of who I am. I would not be me without it, and despite all of the problems I had and have due to my gender, it is still part of who I am. I fought through all of this and worked to find out who I want to be by myself. I wouldn’t wanna be cis, and I also don’t want to cease being the me born out of this struggle.
It’s a common feeling for a lot of us, some others wish they could have been born cis. Both are valid and have their reasons, both are beautiful. You don’t have to be or think a certain way for you to be valid. If you wanna be a girl just go be a girl, you don’t need to justify anything to anyone. If you want to explore these questions, do it for your own understanding of yourself.