We met like four years ago and have gotten to know each other since then. We talk about our lives, work, struggles, relationships, video games, music, et cetera. Sometimes, though, I feel like this friendship shouldn’t exist because people may find it strange that I am friends with someone 14 years older than me. What do you think?
I didn’t even realize this was a thing. We can’t be friends with older people now?
I mean if it’s not sexual and you’re just buddies I’m not where the problem is.
Perfectly respectable even if it is sexual. Just about fits “half your [his] age +7” but that guideline matters much less once the younger party is over 25 anyway.
Why wouldn’t this be fine? You met at 23. It’s not like you were groomed from childhood. Strangers on the Internet cannot validate your relationship with this man. Only you know the details that can inform the decision you have made to befriend him.
Please consider how much credence you give to the opinions of others, especially considering that you feel as though your friendship shouldn’t exist at times for absolute nonsense reasons.
Wait a minute. Did I just convince you it’s all fine? Don’t listen to me. I know nothing. Stop listening to strangers about things they don’t understand and think for yourself. You got this.
I think that having friends of different ages can actually be quite healthy. Diversity can be good. Broadens your horizons.
Age is simply a number as you grow older. Friends can be much older or younger than you.
The only weird thing about it is:
I feel like this friendship shouldn’t exist because people may find it strange that I am friends with someone 14 years older than me
Are you really considering a friendship based on what others think? Not only that. I’d understand, if others said it was a bad influence. But you’re concerned other may find it strange??
Sounds like you have a good friend. Keep it that way no matter that others say. Seriously. The biggest mistake you can make, is trying to be normal. You will always fail
I’m a guy. Over the past couple years I’ve become quite close with two women online who are both younger than me. One is 15 years younger than me while the other is 6 years younger.
I actually met the younger one through a former male work friend who met her first through a Minecraft server he used to host. He bought her a game that was on sale and the 3 of us played together. After my work friend went to bed, she and I talked a bit afterwords.
It was quite clear to me that she liked getting to know people and I entertained her conversation. At some point in the conversation, she casually brought up her current mental health state and it was at that point I knew she was someone I wanted to continue talking with.
At that time, I was struggling hard with my own mental health and my attempts at finding a support group that suited me wasn’t working. In that short time, she proved to be brutally self aware, honest and empathetic. She treated me as a person and allowed me to express myself honestly without judgement. At the time, I was working in the trades surrounded by men and I was only treated with judgement as a failure as a man. Even my close relationships with other women at the time was the same, I was a failure of a man.
Having this one person in the world treat me like a person meant so much to me. She allowed me to talk without judgement, allowed me to approach my problems my own way without judgement or unsolicited advice, and allowed me to be me without criticism or judgement. These are all things I craved at the time so returned all these actions to her as well. I learned a lot about mental health through her and and how she spoke of her friends.
Over the next year, we sort of became our own mental health support group and made ourselves available to each other because we wanted to and as a result became close friends.
A year later she approached me with a situation that made me incredibly angry and upset me for a couple weeks. She revealed to me that my work friend had been trying to sext with her and was making her feel uncomfortable. A man who was 15 years older than her, who met her when she was approximately 13 years old when she joined that minecraft server who she used to think of him as a mentor. A man who is married and has two adorable little girls himself in an amazing house with a huge chunk of property. I confronted him and then stopped talking to him. He sickens me. While she may have been of legal age at the time he tried to sext with her, he absolutely destroyed any trust she had in him. I have good reason to believe he’s made attempts with other women behind his amazing wife’s back and I can no longer stand to look or talk to him.
Even with all that her and I had been through, it still felt super strange to me being close friends with someone 15 years younger than me. But she provided me with fresh takes on mental health and I was able to provide a perspective based on experience that can only be understood through that additional 15 years of being alive.
I did go and meet her in her home country. As a thank you to her, I bought us matching tattoos. We were able to talk face to face and it was a very comfortable and easy going experience. By the end of my trip, I told her that she is my new sister (my actual sister barely remembers I exist) and she was quite happy with that.
The feeling of strangeness from this particular relationship has faded significantly now but still sort of lingers in the back of my mind. I think that’s more of result of the north American mindset. There is a lack of intergenerational community in modern north American life that negatively affects how people treat and view relationships with older/younger people. Learning goes both ways and I absolutely value the perspectives and views coming from younger people.
In a more just world, intergenerational relationships would be normal and boring. In it’s current form (from a north American perspective) it’s open to abuse through a power imbalance and that seems to inadvertently bring up feelings of guilt or shame in those who stumble across such relations.
For me, letting time pass and allowing those feelings of guilt and shame to dissipate leaving a normal, boring and safe friendship with someone who is younger than me.
Unfortunately, I’m still cautious talking about her to other people who I feel are judgemental. Especially men. The overwhelming majority of men in my life would assume our relationship is sexual. It’s easier to simply not talk about her so I can avoid fending off those gross accusations. Fortunately, my other friend who is 6 years younger is super understanding and awesome. I can talk about my younger friend with her and not feel uncomfortable about it. In that sense, I feel quite lucky to know both these people.
I’m in my 50s and I have friends in their 20s. We’re not besties but we go out for drinks together and show up to each others parties. I play squash with people in their 30s, again drinks and light socializing. I have friends in their 70s and 80s too. Welcome to adulthood. What’s the problem?
Even if you fuck the guy; no.
Short and on point :)
Completely OK. I’m an old guy and friend with several people ten or 20 years younger.
As a young person with several old guy friends, I see no reason to be concerned based on the information available, but only you know for sure the nature of the connection.
This is a human man and not a Macaw or Elephant, right? Yes of course it is normal, or at least I hope it is normal. He’s not some big eyed alien with four heads. Older people are nearer to you that you may like. My own age is basically in the middle of you two and I would like to think who I am as a person would be similar in 5 years time. I have had relationships with people older and younger than me. I cannot say I am peers with those people, but I can say we had a positive relationship. Your direct peer group is not equal to your only possible friend group. There will always be some strange disconnects with intergenerational relationships, but that is also an opportunity to learn.
You are both normal human people.
Friendships come in all sorts of combinations. It’s totally fine.
I’m 38m and I’m friends with 2 women that are about 20 or 21 so I don’t see the problem.
Sorry, but that actually is kinda weird and I’d consider concerning. By all means your relationship may be “fine” on the surface but it’s in the realms of potential grooming dynamics.
I’m sure due to Lemmy’s vacuum chamber my opinion is likely going to be unpopular here.
I’m married and and the 2 young women are lesbians and are in a relationship together. There is no grooming of any kind going on. We just enjoy talking. Not every interaction between men and women has to be sexual and it’s gross you think that it does.
More context changes the story. I didn’t speak on absolutes and in your statement of given context, I’ll stand by mine.
With that, it’s fine.
And yes, I believe looking at the first picture you painted, the public should errr on the side of caution and questioning. By all means, not drive in ends but choose to question things at the least.
And no I didn’t sexualise the girls I put it on the male in that power dynamic. You came to a conclusion just as quick as I did, kinda making it look like you wanted to bait someone into that. Or more so, looking for others to try justify your actions.
I wasn’t doing either of those things. I added my comment because it is similar to the op and you 100% did make my comment sexual simply because of the genders involved. My comment did not require any extra context until you tried to make it seem like I was an evil sexual predator, just itching to trick a younger person into having sex with me which says more about you than it does me.
Lol grooming a 21yo?!?? Do you even hear yourself? Girl can drink but has so little agency she can be groomed?
Can’t blame Lemmy just cuz u have shit opinions.
Lmfao. Clown
Yikes, drinking = absolute maturity to you? That’s your level of being able to consent and be of age?
Check yourself.
Lmfao your reading comprehension is shit if that’s what you think I said. On what planet is a 21 not able to act like her own adult self without some asshole like you thinking she’s a fragile little creature. Grow up and get over your Disney white knight fantasy you utter child.
Imagine not being able to have an argument without insulting the other party. How childish of you. Maybe you should actually reflect on how much of a child you are.
Always the angry keyboard warriors that think everyone else is the thing they really are. Grow up and learn that people all don’t think like you you Disney White Knight keyboard warrior child.
Different cultures have widely different attitudes toward ages. Personally, as an American, I wouldn’t even raise an eyebrow. This seems perfectly normal to me.
IMHO, once you reach drinking age, it just doesn’t matter very much.
Heck, you’re even within the half-plus-seven rule for relationships!
Why would it be strange? After like 25 age doesnt matter at all.
My best friend is 15 years older than me, and I married them. Age really doesn’t matter if everyone is an adult about it.
