After I come home from work, I want to be a solid lump of nothing. Instead to trick myself when I have tasks I need to do, I keep my work clothes on (including shoes) and it helps trick my brain that the tasks are just a continuation of my work day.
Amphetamines
When I can’t find something in the house after searching for a few minutes, I make a conscious decision to give up and take another approach - go buy the missing tool again, use a different material, whatever. The point is to decide it doesn’t matter where the thing is. Most of the time I immediately look right at whatever I was looking for - as in within a few seconds. Family members are used to hearing me say out loud, “I’m just gonna go to Tru-Value and get another - Oh, here it is!” It works that fast and is very reliable.
My theory about this is that part of my brain knows where the item is all along, but enjoys the treasure hunt and won’t let the information come to the conscious level. But once I sincerely decide to give up the search - it has to be a genuine decision, there’s no faking it - that part of my brain knows the game is over and reveals where the thing is. But who knows, I’m no psychologist.
There was this CGP Grey episode “You are two” from some time ago which is a great watch, and I truly love the idea of your brain just messing with you.
When I think of something that happened during the day that was cringeworthy I tell myself, “You are so stupid!!”
When I catch myself doing that I now stop and say to myself, “No you’re not.”
Oddly, this derails the shame spiral and allows me to stay positive.
If you notice something needs to be done and the task takes less than five minutes, just do it.
Yes, but it’s easy to get side tracked following this.
Hah, yeah. Still better than the alternative - doing nothing
smile, show up and act like you belong. even if you don’t people will assume you do. if you want to join in, all you need to do is find the right person to ask.
i joined my first professional band that way. looked up [specific genre] bands in my area, found a few, looked up which one was the best, called up the director, showed up to practice, auditioned in and was their new [let’s pretend i play upright bass. i actually do, but last time i played one a tuning peg flew across the damn room. i also suck at it. so i was not playing upright bass with them] specialist. favorite band i ever played with.
it’s one of those “walk in and give a firm handshake and you’ll get a job” bullshit advice things. I had good timing, they were looking for someone who specialized in what i do (they had a specialist who moved away a year prior and they were noticing the difference) but they were the only ones i’ve played with that did all the frills and trills.
You know, you can tell people you play the triangle without sounding like you’re bragging
Wood. Block.
That’s really cool actually
I learned the same general thing through doing theatre. I reframe the interview so it’s not an interview at all - I already work there and it’s my first day back from some kind of sabbatical. I’m really looking forward to seeing the old group again. We get along great and our manager is awesome. Can’t wait! So when I walk in I’m in that character and feel genuinely glad to be there and happy to see everybody. Cultural fit kicks in right away. I feel like I belong there and so do they. Works great.
performing arts folk are special
Do only as much as I feel like. Don’t feel like making dinner, but i’m ok just setting out the ingredients. OK, now I’m fine with just chopping vegetables. Now I’m fine just making the sauce. It only works if you genuinely allow yourself to stop at any point. If I have to stop after the sauce, everything goes into the fridge and I finish making the meal tomorrow.
I kinda do this. I am not much for cooking but like this is how I get through a lot of daily things. I generally will have I have to do at least one thing or one thing in each of several categories but I keep it very achievable. If I spend most of the day in bed so be it but I will spend some of it doing some things that need doing.
I’ve always had a very active sense of humor, and am usually able to find something funny about virtually anything.
I’m not suggesting going around giggling inappropriately at whatever happens to be in front of you like the Joaquin Phoenix Joker, but I know being able to find something that amuses me about even the darkest, most difficult stuff in life has been of immense help to me personally.
Plane crashed in front of OP,
Op:
I’m pretty sure I told my first poor-taste September 11, 2001 joke no later than September 12, 2001. (It was in the company of someone with a similar graveyard-humor streak to mine, with whom I was huddling down and freaking out and who appreciated the joke in the spirit in which it was offered.)
1 day later: too soon?
Absolute mad lad, but also, hilarious. Good work!
I react to stress with laughter. volunteered for a study where you read stuff or did puzzles and they had you wear headphones and sent annoying screeching sounds randomly through. could not stop laughing.
If you’re autistic, look between the eyes while talking.
This is actually a fairly well known acting technique. Avoiding direct eye contact helps suppress your own natural reaction to saying uncomfortable things the real you wouldn’t say.
Yeah. In this context, it’s a masking technique.
Better to look at one of their ears. Left or right, it doesn’t matter.
Really freaks them out.
Why would that freak someone out?
Because humans are pretty good at recognizing where you’re looking. If you’re staring intently at someone’s ear while you’re talking to them, it will look to them like you’re seeing something behind them. The fact that you’re not looking away will cause them to be concerned about what it is.
Huh, neat. I’ll try that next time to mess with my brother lol
Yeah. I learned about it from my father in law.
I’m not autistic, but I do this in some situations. Otherwise, directly in the eyes.
Why not switch between the eyes?
?
“never leave a room empty-handed” if you are leaving a room look around for something that doesn’t below to that room take it with you and just move it somewhere close where it’s supposed to be, eventually it’s going to find it’s place.
bonus: makes the people who live there think they have a poltergeist.
I actually started doing that 4 years ago. Not as consistently as i should, but it really helped me get out of my depression hole. I kept uttering the phrase: if you see something, do something. I found it pretty amusing, and it worked (and still does) bit for bit.
Works with teaching kids to clean litterboxes, too! If you smell something, do something.
Especially if the reason you smell something is that you did something.
Better, there’s an entire book of them. “Dialectical Behavioral Therapy” (DBT) calls them “skills”, but they could just as easily be called psychological cheat codes or lifehacks.
Maybe it’s just me but none of the download links seem to actually work. They just redirect to a new page with:
We now support Amazon gift cards, credit and debit cards, crypto, Alipay, and WeChat.
Same for Open In Viewer, No Redirect, etc.
Scroll down to the “slow downloads” section, pick a mirror, wait through the timer (if there is one) and it will give a direct link. (PDF in this case).
I would recommend doing a “save as” on that link or use a download manager. They also are not kidding about how slow it is - it took about 30minutes for the 10mb file, but it did complete.
Be me hacking
Verb Coopted by self improvement life tips bros
Ai bros coopt verb from normal vocabulary
Behavioral phychologists coopt the term from ai bros
Everything is ok
Two minute rule. If you can do it in two minutes, just do it.
To me that just evolved into a hyperfixation over the weekend and I worked 20+ hours, now I am sleep deprived and half delirious, but the job is done and I am proud ;)
It didn’t work
Be kind to your future self.
Helps me when I feel like procrastinating or overworking.
In other words, don’t be like Seinfeld’s night guy and morning guy. “Every guy has two guys living inside him - night guy and morning guy. Night guy constantly screws morning guy over - stays out til 3am, spends all his money on booze… then morning guy has to go to work with a hangover and can’t afford an oil change. And morning guy can’t do a thing about it, except lose his job so night guy doesn’t have any money to go out.”
Nah, future me is an asshole, let him deal with the consequences.
Come to think of it, past me was an asshole too.
And to your past self. I frequently go like, “wait, did I actually do that?” and then congrstulate my pas self becaus I really did.
Does it help you in acceptance or in not doing it?
A bit of both.
If I’m taking on something when I already have a full schedule, I think this and decide if I should pursue the activity or not.
Otherwise, if I’m feeling lazy, I think of what my future self would have to put up with if I didn’t do that particular task.
I hope that made some sense.
When talking to people, just ask open questions about them, listen and keep asking question. People will think, you have great conversation skills, eventhough you do not.
Be careful with that one. If you do it wrong it can feel like an interrogation. That line can be hard to find for some people.
Yes, it feels like an interrogation when I do that, because they never ask anything back.
Good advice. I think the trick is to keep the questions open-ended and somehow related. A series of simple factual questions feels like an interrogation.
WHAT WERE YOU DOING ON THE NIGHT OF SEPTEMBER 7TH, 2023?!?!?
What, come on, I was just trying to make conversation!
Alright! Alright! It was me! I killed him! [uncontrollable sobbing]
There’s a great book about this: How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It’s a bit dated in some aspects, but the underlying advice is solid.
Not saying you are, but most of the people who have recommended that book to me are absolute sociopaths.
The book should be titled How to Manipulate People Into Doing Your Bidding.
I really don’t think that’s the book’s fault.
I can see that, especially because it’s pushed hard in a lot of business schools.
I think the way it’s written gives its reader ALL the social tools and relies on the reader to not be a monster. It was written in the 1930s, which tracks.
But do not ask questions only. Make remarks about your own experiences, or things you heard (within reason). It’s small talk, not an interrogation.
What kind of questions can I ask without going too far. I ask around things concerning school and thats where I stop, I usually fear touching something sensitive to them
I’ve stopped asking people about jobs (unless they bring it up) because I hate how we treat people’s place in the capitalist system as their primary worth. My go to question is whether the person is from the area we are currently in. If we’re doing an activity, i ask how they became involved. I also like to ask about pets and hobbies.
i’ve tried asking about hobbies and people just tell me they have children and get angry at me. ain’t my fault you made a trade.
I don’t have as much time as before, but you can still have hobbies as a parent if you make it a priority. Especially after the first 2-ish years have gone. Getting the kid involved (to the extent possible) helped unlock more time.
If you ask and it’s too sensitive that is much more preferable than not asking, and not covering topics that actually interest you. It just will not lead to any connection ever. Be brave
Whatever they touch on, as long as you also add here and there your own experiences with the topic, so it does not feel like and interview.
If you’re overthinking or worried about something you can’t control, other than something like planning for contingency, all that overthinking is pointless. Worse than pointless, since it adds stress and anxiety. There’s usually zero real benefit.
It takes practice, but being able to say to yourself "well, I’ll deal with that when it happens. No point in worrying about that now, " helps keep you out of the doom loop.
“Don’t borrow trouble” is one of my mottos.
