So, I got – for free – a bra with reasonably realistic breast prosthetics. 85B, the correct chest size but maybe I’d prefer a little smaller cup size because some of my female relatives have A-cup meaning that there’s a chance I’ll end up with rather small tits and I don’t want to get used to something big and then potentially feel disappointed of what I’ll really get later on. (Though, one of my grandmoms has very large melons, so there’s a possibility that I’ll have to learn to live with big-time back pains instead of having to contend with small breasts. Time will tell, but it’s good to be mentally prepared for all possibilities!)
So I tried that thing on for the first time. Two friends had told me that it’s a very empowering feeling, so I was expecting a nice experience.
But for me it wasn’t. Maybe it’s because I had psyched myself into keeping in mind “these are not the real ones, don’t grow attached to them because your own ones might be extremely different!”
Don’t know.
But anyway, the textile between the prosthetic and my skin (as the bra has kind of pockets for the silicones) felt horrible, kind of the same way “prickly” as some clothes felt to the autistic me when I was a child. I had a very strong feeling of “these are not a natural part of me”. I also got into a serious bicycle accident when on the way to get them from my friend, where I probably came extremely close to death: My forehead was flying directly towards the corner of a curbstone when I pushed my arms into the ground to lift my head up at the last moment. And now there’s about a cubic centimetre of my elbow missing and there’s a lot of pain and a lot of shame for such an idiotic steering error.
Now I have other people around and, for now, I don’t want to try those things on except when I’m alone. Maybe they’ll feel better when I don’t fuck up my day and when I don’t have an immense pain my elbow bringing my mood down? Or, maybe they won’t.
Anyway, I’m writing this for two reasons:
Firstly, to vent out a bit for the disappointment. I ended up riding carelessly partially because I was giddy about the breasts I would get to wear (and partially because choosing clothes took me full 30 minutes and I left home 15 minutes too late) and then the breasts gave me no kicks at all. My logic is telling me that it has to do with me always preferring everything be as natural and real as possible. But I also got this “oh no, am I trans at all” feeling. I’ve already applied for a time to meet a doctor in order to begin my HRT, and have been anxiously waiting for a reply to that for one and a half weeks already. And now I got an experience I was not expecting at all, giving me feelings of “what if I will hate my breasts when they grow? What if they feel out of place just the same way my dick does?” It’s an uncomfortable feeling to have, for sure!
And then secondly, I want to hear experiences of people who have used similar prosthetics before growing their own titties. What has felt good about them? What has felt bad about them? And, how (and in what manners) similar or different was it compared to having your very own breasts later on?
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I’m going to include my experience with bras as well, because it is relevant to my current boob situation. I definitely felt like I was missing boobs, and I am a very large person, both tall and broad, so anything short of a C cup would look disproportionately tiny on me. I started with just sports bras that did very little, but did give the tiniest bit of shape. Then I got some silicone breast forms and when I put them in my bra, the weight and sight of breasts legit made me cry.
I did the sports bra/silicone forms thing for a while, but my line of work makes me get sweaty and not always upright, so the forms would get slick on my chest and would slide out of position or right out of my bra, which was definitely not fun to have to puck up my boob in front of a coworker or client. I ended up getting some medical adhesive to keep them in place and that worked, but I was wearing them every day, so I ended up with a fungal infection, so let this be a waring to anyone using silicone forms. GIVE YOUR SKIN AS MUCH TIME AS YOU CAN TO BREATHE. At one point I punctured one of my forms and bought another pair, but they were stiff and weird.
The next update was finding some wire free bras at costco which were incredibly comfy and held my breast forms in place a lot better, and those are still my go to work bras.
The next thing I tried was what I very much would recommend to anyone wanting to try breast forms which is crocheted breast forms using the pattern from knitted knockers . Holy shit were they a step up from the silicone ones practically speaking. They were lightweight, so they stayed put in whatever bra I put them in, I could customize the size/colour, and I eventually ficured out I had enough boob to shove them to the bottom of my bra for a push up effect, and actually got some cleavage!
The wire free bra/crocheted forms was my go to combo for a good while, and then I got to the point where I had enough boob to sometimes not wear the forms. A few weeks ago, one bra had the hooks on the clasp get fucked up, so I stole the padding out of it and tried doubling it up, and it gave me enough shape that I was confident in not needing my breast forms with that situation. That’s been my go to work bra situation since.
Last weekend, I decided it was time to try if a heavily padded push up bra would give me the look I was going for, and it sure as shit does! Turns out my boobs are proportioned like Mauna Kea or olympus mons; tall, but extremely wide so they don’t look like they project as much as they do. I went in thinking I was going to fit a B cup at most, but after all my shopping around was finished, I had a pair of 34D bras from victoria’s secret, and my brain was blown.
I wore breast forms for so long, it was honestly scary to let go of the crutch they provided for me, and now I still wear bras that give a little extra projection, but it’s been a huge confidence boost to go from stuffing my bra to wearing just a bra. My brain doesn’t care that the extra padding I used to put in my bra is now just part of my bra, it just says I’m not wearing breast forms, so everything I’m seeing is boob. 😁
I am really curious to see where I end up, because I’ve only been on HRT just shy of a year, and while I don’t fill a lightly lined or normal push up D cup bra, I still have potentially 2 years of growth to go.
TLDR; Silicone forms have good heft, but can’t be worn all the time, and can slip out of your bra. Crocheted forms can be customized and are cheap and lightweight. Your boobs might be big enough for a heavily padded bra sooner than you think.
Thanks, that was a good text to read!
This is very relatable.
Years ago, before I started HRT, I was very dysphoric and wore shapewear for my hips. I don’t want to yuck anyone’s yum (everyone’s transition experience is different and wonderful), but in retrospect, I’m just embarrassed I ever did that. And now that my hips are that size naturally, it doesn’t feel as much like a win as it could have, and I think I confused a lot of people. I worry that maybe some people who knew me during that era think I’m still padding.
When I started hormones, I didn’t want breasts either, but now I love having them. I have tried at times to wear padding since I’m in the committee, but it just felt wrong for me. So for me, it wasn’t that I didn’t want breasts, but that I wanted my breasts to be my own.
I also wore hip pads for a while, but they very quickly got to be very annoying because they wouldn’t stay where I put them. Now I basically only wear them if what I’m wearing would get a lot of benefit from having a curvier shape, and even then, they’re still annoying as hell 😆
I’ve been on estrogen for nearly two years, and I love my breasts, but only now that I have them. I didn’t want breasts before I started on HRT. I never felt like something was missing from my chest. Though I never tried prosthetics, it wasn’t something I was ever interested in. But now they’re great I wouldn’t be opposed to going up a size or two.
I wouldn’t take your experience as a sign you might not be trans, or that you would be unhappy having breasts. Minds are known to change on the subjects.
If you mean breast shapes it helped me a lot through my worst dysphoric days before HRT!
