Long story short, I’m at a point where I feel stable enough to finally start moving towards this. Got all my analisis, found a Dr and I finally got them all.
The thing is, now I’m scared. I don’t know exactly what it is or if it’s a combo. I’m scared of losing this “stability”, I’m scared of not passing, scared of the long, long, long journey and tribulations ahead, the current state of anti-trans movements, transphobes, insecurity, and whenever I think about it I’ll get an almost crippling amounts of anxiety.
I really want this to work, I’m trying hard to make it work, but the doubt about all of it makes me just don’t want to do it. Don’t want to risk all of the above, the “what if everything is for nothing?” Send me into an awful spiral. I got to this point forcing me to ignore what comes next, just the next step, don’t thinking about it, but now that it is here, well…
I want to know if this is “normal”, common, or at least understandable. That this is ok and not a sign I’m doing something wrong or at a bad time. I appreciate any insight you can give me.
EDIT: Thank you so much for your words. It means a lot.
You’re doing something new, something massively life changing, and the world is a very scary place overall for us right now. It’s okay to be nervous and scared
I can’t say how you will feel once you take this step, but I can say for myself and most others it has been the most rewarding change we have ever made even.
I for one would never regret this, it has been so worth it and I suspect you will end up feeling the same.
And we’re always here to support you, the trans community is amazing 🫂
yeah i think its normal feelings. i felt similar before i finally started hrt. the good news is you wont have to wait a long time to start feeling better. the changes are incremental but so are the dysphoria and euphoria to some extent. when i finally started it felt sooo good just being on the road to being the real me. like even if i did nothing else the hormones were changing me one day at a time and eventually it would add up to a lot. as ive gone along things have gotten better than i could have imagined because every incremental change has felt so right. you wont have to wait till some mythical end to feel better. things are dark right now but we’ll get through it.
All I can say is that yesterday I just booked a time with a doctor in order to start my HRT and your text could almost have been written by me.
Feeling super scared. Anxious. And I’ve heard in the various trans peer support groups that that’s what others almost invariably have felt at thia point.
Apparently that’s how this goes. It is a daunting task. But, oso so many others have made it. And therefore, by all logic, so will both of us.
I’m somewhat relieved that in not the only one feeling like this. At the same time, I’m sorry you’re feeling like this too :(
tip is: you don’t have to jump. you can walk slowly towards your goal. that is much easier.
what you’re afraid of is to make a big change all at once. that is like a big package that you might not be able to carry. but, if you can split it up into many smaller packages, suddenly it’s doable. sure, you’ll have to walk more often, so the distance is longer, but you’ll get there. this is exactly what hormones are doing: they are not changing you all at once. they are changing you step by step, over many months. so it’s like carrying a small parcel each day. hope that makes it easier to do it.
Just remember the effects of HRT aren’t instantaneous, and other than breast growth which takes years, everything will be reversed by not taking it anymore. Starting HRT isn’t something you can’t come back from if you decide it’s not for you. The most immediate effects are psychological, and that’s honestly more important than the physical IMO, and from there you’ll probably be able to make your decision. You could even do a short trial period and see what it’s like when you come off them. You got this ❤️
