i thought I was getting better, but I’m falling apart. I feel like a clown, I interact with people, they laugh and then turn their backs. At the end of the day I’m back here, alone, and I’m so sick.
I dealt with feeling like this for a long while. What helped me was trying to make everyone I interacted with a little happier for having seen me.
The actual advice: people want to talk about themselves. Prompt them to, then remember a detail to ask about next time.
It’s not that easy, but it is pretty simple. Your brain will try to make it seem hard. It’s literally just showing interest in others, and it’s simple and don’t let your brain make it complicated.
Now go draw the rest of the owl.
Well I like you and I’m sorry you’re going through these hardships.
I’m sorry about how you’re feeling and I hope the title isn’t serious. I’m in no position to help but I think that if this is really bothering you, you should maybe reach out to a therapist. I’ll just add something to pick your brain: maybe it’s not you, maybe the people you’re interacting with are not the right audience and you should try to find someone that better shares your interests.
I’m sorry you are feeling this way. In my experience there are ups and downs with depression. You are getting better, it takes time. Hold in there mate.
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Second this. This might be the most important exercise! You’ll feel weird and like you’re lying to yourself. Just say it.
It sounds like you may be feeling very self-conscious about interactions. It took me a long time to learn, but much of the time (I’ve come to realize), “they ain’t studying on me.” Like—other people aren’t scrutinizing me or judging me as much as I think they are.
Plenty of people are so wrapped up up in their own heads that they aren’t paying you any attention, perhaps not realizing how you are reading their responses to you.
Maybe it’s just me getting older, but “when I am an old woman, I shall wear purple.” If others think I’m dressed weird or acting oddly—what of it? I don’t need (and can’t have) everyone’s approval. Sure—there are limits; I don’t want to endanger myself or others, or provoke hostility. I don’t want to be mean to anyone.
If you make overtures of friendship and kindness and are turned away, that says a lot more about others than it does about you.
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Do you meditate?
Can you please shut the fuck up? Meditation, or mindfullness, is awesome tool and can help a lot, but it won’t heal fucking suicidal ideation.
