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Joined 1 year ago
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Cake day: July 2nd, 2023

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  • The question of whether you should reach out and connect with him basically boils down to: do you know what your own boundaries are, what you WILL and WILL NOT tolerate from him?

    If your boundaries aren’t clear, you should not contact him. If you can maintain clear boundaries then you can.

    He’s not your responsibility. He’s an adult, and many adults with bad childhoods grow up to take responsibility and be good people. It sounds like he’s not doing that.

    You can contact him, but as you know it’s dangerous. The thing to do is, if you can, contact him in a way that the contact is controlled.

    If you don’t know how to do that, talk to your therapist about boundaries. Maybe figure out exactly what your own guilt trip triggers are and resolve them so he can’t manipulate you. Until you’ve secured yourself in this way, don’t contact him.

    There’s not anything that you can do for him that someone else can’t also do, as soon as he’s ready to change. You can’t make him ready for change.