lemmy deleted my completely finished post right before posting so let’s try this again. I find it so annoying that I have to sugarcoat everything. I feel like I’m coddling people. I understand being polite to strangers, but it’s so annoying when my family, who knows I’m autistic, gets upset at my bluntness. I’ve explained multiple times that I’m not trying to be rude and I’m just trying to communicate in a way that works for me, but it doesn’t work. I just don’t understand why I have to say “hey, would you mind not letting the dogs tangle? thank you:)” in some high pitched voice when I could just say, “can you not let the dogs tangle?” in a tone that conveys I’m serious. it’s so much easier when intentions are simply stated.
edit: I’m having trouble posting comments but thank you for all your responses! it’s helping me see things a bit easier, and I definitely have things I can work on now :)
another edit for clarity: my family and I have talked about my communication style. I’ve tried to find ways to meet them in the middle, as I want a compromise. they’ve been unsuccessful but I’m continuing to try. I want to be at a point where it’s not stressful and exhausting to talk to my family. this was more of just a vent post, as I was feeling really annoyed.
You can be blunt. You are not responsible for the feelings of others.
Your comment is wrong and obtuse.
It hurts, doesn’t it? We might not be responsible for other’s feelings, but we are fully responsible for our own communication. By all means be firm and assertive, but don’t be gratuitously rude, you’ll be needlessly hurting others. They might brush it off, but do it repeatedly and they’ll become hostile.
Of course, sometimes hurting others is the only way to go, but it’s a last resource.
I was trying to provide a counter claim to the idea that your are required to not be blunt, but doing it in a blunt way. I feel like it’s up to an individual how much they care about others. If being nice is not something you care about, free yourself to not be nice and accept the consequences.
Why would that hurt?
and they are not responsible for the feelings of OP. Why should they have to accept OPs way of being blunt when OP won’t do the same for them? Being autistic isn’t an excuse for being a jerk.
OP talks about feeling like they have to coddle people, and I guarantee they 100% feel the same when talking to OP.
Here’s the kicker, you have to communicate in a way that works for people other than yourself when you aren’t talking to only yourself. Everyone would like to be blunt all the time, but then we’d argue more and constantly be at each other’s throats.
OP should read about diplomacy, especially between countries without similar languages.
And others are free to think you’re a dick.
That said, "can you not let the dogs tangle?” isn’t rude in the slightest in my book. I don’t get the tonality in this either. I tend to be pretty dry with my humor, with my delivery being as dry and tone serious. It’s a hit or miss with strangers but those that know me get that they’re jokes. I don’t really understand why OP’s family doesn’t just chill, this the way op is. I guess they might be protective or annoyed by it as op knows there is this lovey dovey over the top friendly way to say stuff as well. Might be cultural. But I’d be annoyed by this too.
You can be blunt but dont be shocked if people think youre a cunt. Much like we expect neurotypicals to respect the differences in the way our brains work, so should we of them.