Don’t ever, for any reason, do anything

Abridged version

What OP is neglecting to mention is they pronounce both of them “bwush :3”

Ah, reminds me of being unemployed and depressed.

Not having to wake up at 6am was nice, though

The other one represents James’ temptation to escape accountability for his actions by saying “I was just doing hot girl shit lmao idk” and then proceed to go out and be worse

Saved you a click: Plate the pasta, put the plate on a scissor lift.

I did all that work, and you want me to do more? Fuck off, I’m going to bed.

Hawaii and Nevada should date ❤️

Simple! Just keep $2,000 cash in your glove compartment at all times. You’ve now saved $500, congratulations!

I fucking love committing strime. I fucking love committing strime.

I don’t want to do anything else but commit strime all damn day.

I FUCKING LOVE COMMITTING STRIME

Smoking like a mad scientist in a cartoon that just got electrocuted by an experiment gone awry

I could swear I set an alarm, but I might have turned it off and fell back asleep…

Oh, shit. Was that today??

Wasn’t just the rug, either. He kept an old, wooden crate from his boyhood home in his office, as well, that he’d chew on for the tactile sensation of soft wood.

In times of great stress, Hitler was known to seriously munch some box.

1. House
2. Little window
3. Corvette
4. Everything (for him, and himself, and everybody around)

Love Buc-ee’s, but it’s always so goofy how far off they’ll advertise a location. Then, once you pass it by, you’ll see a couple more billboards telling you that it’s behind you and you can still turn around and go back.

I really have to wonder what their advertising budget is sometimes.

Well, let 'em come over and we can all clip coupons together

Right. When we were all laughing at the people who would have genuine reactions to things people would say to them on the internet because “the internet is serious business lmao,” that was totally fine and a different thing. It’s those damn zoomers that fucked it all up. Right.

When I was a teenager, the discussion was always “would you survive the first wave,” and my friends and I were never sure if we would or not. We didn’t realize the bar for that was whether or not you would run towards the zombies…

With a playful strawberry jam filling that gushes out of its eyes and mouth when you bite into it

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