Good thing the US has free healthcare, or else this could be seen as a tactic to drive profits up for CEO’s.

Microplastics weren’t enough, let’s give the sealife macroplastics.

No volume, vibrate, led, or push notifications. If you want my attention badly enough, call. And I will screen the call and text you back at my convenience. I will not be on a leash. Now excuse me while I doomscroll for 2 to 17 hours.

My mom will haunt me from reflective surfaces in darkened rooms, as I shuffle past to get more snacks. I’ll start wearing horse blinders soon.

For the cats, at least. I wouldn’t recommend doing it for yourself. I learned that the hard way.

My cats will be about to throw up, so I’ll slide a paper towel under them, and they will try to move to get back to the floor.

You’re absolutely right, as that cat will puke in the most inconvenient spot.

Some rocks have an invisible field around them. If you pass metal through this field, you can make your hand tingle.

True, but most of the oppressors are boomers.

Weak men created hard times. Thanks, boomers.

Since the dip, I figured I’d take out a loan against my 401k and use it to pay off some debt.

He loved riding his bike. I’ve never done it, though. I think I’ve always been bike curious.

I had a great time rowing with that tour as well.

Gen 4 was a lot of fun, probably my favorite lineup in any of the first few generations. Torterra is awesome.

Oops! All lesbians!

David Drainman?

Isn’t this the device that required you to take out the battery in order to change the game?

It’s the worst day to be on the internet.

Next they’ll poison the atmosphere so they can sell us breathable air.