1.2 pg/mL free testosterone and 15 ng/dL total testosterone, but that was back in january

like it shouldn’t change but it still worries me constantly, i did feel like some changes from hrt started reversing the like brief couple of weeks where i did do the 25 mg but i’ve gone back to the 50 mg for a while now

holy shit i’m still on one, spent the entire day yesterday doing chores and shit, once i couldn’t do that anymore i just paced around, once i ran out of energy and couldn’t do that i just sat down and rocked back and forth. i just kept going to the point of exhaustion

got up at 4am and am still wired, feel wide awake despite getting like 4ish hours of sleep. i’m not taking any more meds, i don’t care what potential side effects of stopping there’ll be but it’s got to be better than this

i can barely sit at all, i’m just keeping busy with house chores mostly. i could not just sit and listen to music at the moment

i stupidly took another this morning, i’ve heard that there can be really bad symptoms from stopping medication like this suddenly so i just took another but i’m already regretting that decision

this is not my first day of it, this morning’s dose was day 4. my doctor still has not responded to my email, i have no idea if she’s even going to check it until Monday and i do not have her number or any other way to get in contact with her quickly

i was able to sleep a little but not much, i kept waking up in the middle of the night, but that’s not unusual for me in the slightest, i don’t get very restful sleep

but as soon as i woke up it started ramping up again and this morning i’m right back where i was last night

idk if i need emergency shit, i mean i feel awful but idk if it is life threatening or anything like that

thankfully i’ve got nothing to do for the foreseeable future, my life is falling apart and i just dropped out of college recently so i’ve got nothing

i don’t have her number but i emailed her i hope she responds

idk if i can even sleep but if i can’t and this keeps going on then i’ll try calling the insurance nurse, idk the number but i bet i could find it

wellbutrin/lexapro update: holy shit i feel absolutely awful right now

i’ve just been completely wired all fucking day, i spent like 2 hours scrubbing the drip pans for the stove and would have kept going if my friend didn’t stop me cause they wanted to eat dinner

i’ve just been bouncing from task to task and i feel like i can’t stop, typing this now is like the second time i’ve sat down in hours

i’m both very energetic and also insane anxious, unexpected noises keep making my jump halfway across the room and i’m flinching at even small movements also my eyes are dilated as fuck

Anxiety and depression are really common for autistic people but autism often brings experiences of executive dysfunction, burnout, and catatonia which can resemble depression very closely. My hunch is that there’s a good percentage of autistic people who experience these things but they are under the impression that they are symptoms of depression and so they find antidepressants don’t work for them.

In a similar way, symptoms of anxiety can closely resemble experiences like overstimulation and being exposed to noxious stimuli, masking, suppressing stims, and not meeting your need for stability and predicability in your environment.

i would not be surprised if that is the situation i am in, i probably have both burnout/depression and anxiety/overstimulation though

especially when it comes to anxiety. i’ve always described and felt anxiety differently than how other people describe it, to me it’s kind of like an inability to do a task, complete freeze at the idea of doing something unfamiliar or without clear instructions. i do also experience what most of people would describe anxiety to be more like, the panicky fast heart rate inability to stay still kind of deal. but i always though of those as two different reactions to the same emotion. kind of like fight, flight or freeze situation. the first feeling just being the freeze response to anxiety while the second being the flight response to anxiety. i never thought of those as two separate things, so i just lumped them into together, but i guess it does make sense to differentiate

if this is the case and i don’t actually have depression and anxiety and it is just autism symptoms, will medication still work?

meds making it so i can’t sleep

been up at 5am two days in a row, seeing the sunrise is nice though

okay i’m starting to think whatever happened last night was more than just the weed

it’s been like 15 hours since i took those edibles so it should be well out of my system by now but i still feel really funky, not bad, actually i feel amazing currently even though i felt like dogshit last night, but it is one of the weirdest sensations i have ever felt

like i feel almost like i’m floating right now, but not in a high kind of way, idk it it so hard to describe. also i’m still quite shaky

can serotonin syndrome happen that quickly after starting new meds? i had only taken one dose of either meds at that point so idk if that’s it either. but it seems to line up well with what happened, i had extreme anxiety, confusion, troubles falling asleep, i felt like i had a fever but i didn’t take my temp so idk if i know for sure, and i was shaking like crazy, like it was hard to stand up shaky

i’m not going to high again at least for a week because that’s how long it takes for the worst of the med symptoms to go away so i guess will see how i feel tonight, i really fucking hope i don’t have to experience what i did last night ever again though

thank you, i feel amazing right now for some reason, like this morning is the best i’ve felt in like 2 years or so

holy shit i just had the worst time being high in my entire life

i’m still relatively new to weed and i haven’t had it in almost two weeks. for a bit there i was eating like 2 edibles daily but i had built my tolerance up to that. well last night i ate two despite the time gap since last having weed

as a kid i felt a lot of existential dread and fear about life, especially when discovering something new about the world that is horrifying, like when i realized god’s not real, it scared the shit out of me for weeks. i felt that exact feeling last night, a complete overwhelming sense of dread or this world

i was alternating between laughing and crying and had no idea how to react or process what i was thinking, it was absolutely terrifying

and it just went on and on and on and on, like i would think it would have been hours and i’d check the clock and it’s only been 5 mins, that is by far the slowest i’ve ever experienced time

by the end of it i was uncontrollably shaking, when i tired to sleep it off it felt like trying to sleep with the flu or something, like i was having fever dream feelings

before this i couldn’t imagine what being uncomfortably high would feel like but holy shit it was bad, far far worse than being too drunk

anyway getting high as shit right after starting two new mental health medications was probably not my smartest idea in hindsight, but holy shit i’m just glad to be on the other side of this that was actually terrifying, the most i’ve been filled with fear in a really long time

avoiding caffeine is easy enough, it already gives me headaches

also i’m not taking cough syrup so i’m good there

alcohol will be the tough part. i drink a lot so quitting that will suck hard, idk if i can cold turkey but i’ll give it a go

i’m taking my meds for depression and anxiety. i highly suspect that i’m autistic but haven’t been diagnosed, idk about adhd though

things feel straight when they are gay and gay when they are straight and it all sucks shit and feels like garbage

you weren’t kidding, i was also warned about that from my doctor but i didn’t realize how quickly that’d take effect, been trying to take a nap and i just couldn’t

dang, i live in a desert and exclusively wear bulky clothing so i’ll really have to make sure to stay cool, thank you for the heads up

deleted by creator

i could have written this, i really feel you

this body really does feel like a prison

pride month always makes me feel so bad, i’ve got no reason to be proud of what i am

disregard my last post iwnbaw