I swear some people go out of their way to judge others for the most ridiculous things. Maybe try asking yourself why you are not happy about people finding love without going through half a dozen shitty relationships.
For real. This post has big “I have regrets and/or fears that I missed out on my younger life, and the only way to not be afraid is to invalidate other people’s choices” energy. Every life and every combination of experiences produces a unique piece of art. OP, your life is valid and worthwhile - you don’t have to tear other people down for that to be the case.
Oh I have issues with commitment and a constant feeling of ‘Is this the best I can expect?’ but I don’t regret my younger life.
My ‘weird’ sentiment stems more from me looking in from the outside at relationships where 20 year olds decide they want to spend the rest of their lives with each other. I can’t imagine missing out on potentially meeting someone more compatible. Can you really meet the most compatible person for you when you’re 20?
When I was 20 I was a very different person, I’m assuming that’s similar for others.
Other commenters have talked about how they grow with partners but I wonder if it’s truly possible to do that while being so ‘together’ with another person. Some things you have to learn on your own.
Just because you matured late doesn’t mean everyone else does, a lot of ppl are exceptionally emotionally mature by the age of 16 or 17 as well, you should always take a decision based on your maturity level and someone elderlys opinion who also knows you well, like your parents, they probably have a good idea
I honestly don’t know who you’re talking about. I don’t find most adults to even be mature people, especially in relationships. The main thing keeping adult relationships alive is just that they spend most of their time apart from their partner at work.
This is anecdotal but everyone I’ve ever met that made a high school relationship work didn’t make it work through “maturity”. They were just committed. Often, they were extremely immature and naive and were bonded by the hardships of their 20s.
Go ahead and ask people who were together when they were younger and made it work. I’ve never heard any of them say they were mature and knew what they were doing.
Fair point, I think it is just that you should be mature enough to work with you partner together, or atleast one person should be at that time, and if they really love each other, then good
The way I think about it is that the core idea is that you will stick together with your partner through everything and grow together. Most high schoolers don’t go in with that idea, they just have strong enough emotional connections that they stumble into that.
The maturity part of being an adult is knowing that’s what you should do and knowing how to do it without hurting the other person in the process.
It’s like dancing. If someone really wants to dance with you, they’ll be patient as you find your rhythm and you both learn to dance. Feet get stepped on but it’s the same dance. Getting older doesn’t teach you to dance. Being young doesn’t mean you aren’t light on your feet. Maturity in relationships is knowing most of the wrong moves and never dropping your partner.
Wow, really? Sure is an expensive and necessarily painful thing to opt into or to normalize. I’d rather it be normalized to not get married in the first place.
When he says normalize, he’s not saying it is something that people should seek out. In case that was somehow taken that way.
The problem is there is immense social pressure, especially against women, to never have a divorce. It is seen as a failure, whereas sometimes it is simply the result of circumstances beyond our control or is just something one person, or maybe both, need in their lives.
I am happily married. Like many people we have had our ups and downs. Every couple should do everything they can to repair their relationship and make it work. But sometimes it’s just not enough. Sometimes you weren’t supposed to be together, sometimes one person has some issue that they just will never resolve, sometimes you find out things about your partner or things emerged down the line. We are not prescient, things change. So people should feel very comfortable divorcing without all of the social baggage that comes with it. Because divorce is inevitable, it is never going to go away. And it is a viable decision for one to make.
As for marriage, you don’t have to participate and to say you just want it to go away is kind of ridiculous because we both know that is not going to happen. So we deal with reality and accept that divorce is part of the marriage landscape.
It’s not that expensive, I did it for $400 amicably. We had a fun time while married and I don’t regret it. Why not just make it easier for people to do what they want and not punish young people for making decisions.
I swear some people go out of their way to judge others for the most ridiculous things. Maybe try asking yourself why you are not happy about people finding love without going through half a dozen shitty relationships.
For real. This post has big “I have regrets and/or fears that I missed out on my younger life, and the only way to not be afraid is to invalidate other people’s choices” energy. Every life and every combination of experiences produces a unique piece of art. OP, your life is valid and worthwhile - you don’t have to tear other people down for that to be the case.
Oh I have issues with commitment and a constant feeling of ‘Is this the best I can expect?’ but I don’t regret my younger life.
My ‘weird’ sentiment stems more from me looking in from the outside at relationships where 20 year olds decide they want to spend the rest of their lives with each other. I can’t imagine missing out on potentially meeting someone more compatible. Can you really meet the most compatible person for you when you’re 20?
When I was 20 I was a very different person, I’m assuming that’s similar for others.
Other commenters have talked about how they grow with partners but I wonder if it’s truly possible to do that while being so ‘together’ with another person. Some things you have to learn on your own.
Just because you matured late doesn’t mean everyone else does, a lot of ppl are exceptionally emotionally mature by the age of 16 or 17 as well, you should always take a decision based on your maturity level and someone elderlys opinion who also knows you well, like your parents, they probably have a good idea
I honestly don’t know who you’re talking about. I don’t find most adults to even be mature people, especially in relationships. The main thing keeping adult relationships alive is just that they spend most of their time apart from their partner at work.
This is anecdotal but everyone I’ve ever met that made a high school relationship work didn’t make it work through “maturity”. They were just committed. Often, they were extremely immature and naive and were bonded by the hardships of their 20s.
Go ahead and ask people who were together when they were younger and made it work. I’ve never heard any of them say they were mature and knew what they were doing.
Fair point, I think it is just that you should be mature enough to work with you partner together, or atleast one person should be at that time, and if they really love each other, then good
The way I think about it is that the core idea is that you will stick together with your partner through everything and grow together. Most high schoolers don’t go in with that idea, they just have strong enough emotional connections that they stumble into that.
The maturity part of being an adult is knowing that’s what you should do and knowing how to do it without hurting the other person in the process.
It’s like dancing. If someone really wants to dance with you, they’ll be patient as you find your rhythm and you both learn to dance. Feet get stepped on but it’s the same dance. Getting older doesn’t teach you to dance. Being young doesn’t mean you aren’t light on your feet. Maturity in relationships is knowing most of the wrong moves and never dropping your partner.
Perfect is the enemy of good. If you hold out for “perfect” you will be alone forever.
Bad assumption. Every human life… every experience is different for everyone. Your lived experiences is not sufficient to gauge ANY other life.
This is a choice… and not a requirement.
Removed by mod
Probably 75% of marriages like that don’t go well. OP is right.
There are enough readily available marriage stats that you don’t need to make one up.
I want to normalize the use of statasstics for ass-pulled statistics.
That doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing though. Divorce doesn’t have to be traumatic, and it should be more normalized.
Or just be a couple? Save yourselves and everyone else in the families the money and mental energy.
Wow, really? Sure is an expensive and necessarily painful thing to opt into or to normalize. I’d rather it be normalized to not get married in the first place.
When he says normalize, he’s not saying it is something that people should seek out. In case that was somehow taken that way.
The problem is there is immense social pressure, especially against women, to never have a divorce. It is seen as a failure, whereas sometimes it is simply the result of circumstances beyond our control or is just something one person, or maybe both, need in their lives.
I am happily married. Like many people we have had our ups and downs. Every couple should do everything they can to repair their relationship and make it work. But sometimes it’s just not enough. Sometimes you weren’t supposed to be together, sometimes one person has some issue that they just will never resolve, sometimes you find out things about your partner or things emerged down the line. We are not prescient, things change. So people should feel very comfortable divorcing without all of the social baggage that comes with it. Because divorce is inevitable, it is never going to go away. And it is a viable decision for one to make.
As for marriage, you don’t have to participate and to say you just want it to go away is kind of ridiculous because we both know that is not going to happen. So we deal with reality and accept that divorce is part of the marriage landscape.
It’s not that expensive, I did it for $400 amicably. We had a fun time while married and I don’t regret it. Why not just make it easier for people to do what they want and not punish young people for making decisions.
And yet it’s costed others (every day) thousands to millions of dollars
Oh brother