Hi folks, I thought I’d create some content and share some experience and learning around any concerns I had about being childfree in my first 10 years after my tubal. I hope this can help those that are at this stage now.

I will say that 35 years after my tubal, I realized in retrospect, somewhere during that time, that I knew in my teens I didn’t want kids. I did go through a period, soon after my tubal at 24, of about 10 years where a lot of my friends tried to pressure me into either spending a ton of time with their kids or even adopt, where I wondered if I really wanted kids cuz I liked babies under 6 months of age. It wasn’t until I got close to someone and her newborn, where I spent plenty of time with her kid over the next 3 years and she was TOTALLY accepting of my decision and NEVER pushed an agenda. I finally realized I truly lost interest in the kid after about 6 months of age and knew I wasn’t interested, not because I was pushing back against acquaintances who were pushing their own agenda in opposition to mine, but because I JUST LOST INTEREST. It took a good, secure in their parenthood, friend to let me understand there was zero interest on my part.

As it turns out what I like about babies was the oxytocin hit from carrying them around, which I learned I could get from cats and small dogs, of which I have 2 now, and they stay small forever instead of just 6 months!

    • thegreatgarbo@lemmy.worldOP
      73·
      1 year ago

      Wow! Interesting. Also makes sense in the context of fostering the evolutionary adapted benefit of the mother forming an ‘in group’ bond with her baby.

  • ImInPhx@lemmy.world
    172·
    1 year ago

    Thanks for sharing your story! In the spirit of creating content, I have a similarly opposite story.

    I was raised Mormon, for those that don’t know, having a large family is a given. In my early 20’s I left all religion behind and began to create a life I wanted rather than one expected. I was a mess trying to establish my own morals, values, and goals.

    At the same time of all this, I started dating a girl who had left Mormonism many years earlier. She was also childfree. Living with her, she provided the best environment for me to discover the life I wanted. She was my rock when I had no one else, literally. She was patient, understanding, and provided a much needed perspective from having a similar history. We dated for several years as I slowly deprogrammed and came into my own.

    Coming back to the point of all this- a big struggle was trying to figure out whether I wanted kids, I was programmed to want kids, or didn’t want kids at all. This is a life changing decision after all. In the end, I realized I wanted kids because I wanted kids. The girl I was dating was supportive but with our incompatible lifestyles, we parted ways and remain good friends.

    As for today, I married someone else (who also escaped Mormonism!) and have 3 kids. Because of the support I had, I now have the confidence to trust in myself and a healthy foundation to further understand myself as life changes.

    • survirtual@lemmy.world
      2·
      2 months ago

      I have a similar story with Mormonism except mine diverges. At age 28 I got a vasectomy. Years later, I have never been married and still don’t have kids and am happily childfree, programming defeated, woohoo!

      Side note, and just to be clear this is not an attack: you have 3 kids but are in a childfree community. Why?

      • ImInPhx@lemmy.worldEnglish
        1·
        2 months ago

        Congratulations on getting out!! Life is so much more vibrant living on your own terms :)

        Man, my comment is 10 months old, I bet I stumbled in here from All. I prefer using All and blocking communities I’m not interested in instead of using Home where I only see what I’m subscribed to. Staying in Home doesn’t let me see interesting posts like this one!

  • REM0VED@kbin.social
    122·
    1 year ago

    I have family and friends with kids. I would never go through that anguish day by day. I love peace of mind and naps, and will probably save millions. It is selfish to create wage slaves for rich capitalist

  • Mohkia@lemmy.world
    9·
    1 year ago

    Thank you for sharing your story! I have known i did not want kids since I was 14. I am 44 now and I don’t regret it at all. My mom left me with my sister when she was a baby and I hated it. I didn’t hate my sister I just was not and am still not comfortable with babies.I am the opposite as I do not and never did get that oxytocin feeling from babies. I am okay with toddlers and am much better with older kids but babies are a no go for me.

    Either way, I can barely look after myself, I don’t need to bring another being into this world to suffer along side me. I respect and am happy for the people in my life that have started families but also confident and happy with my choice not too.

    I am glad that people are becoming more accepting of peoples choices in this matter as I was really getting tired of the oh you will change your mind when you are older speech. I’m older now, still haven’t changed my mind.

    Enjoy you pets! They need loving homes too!

  • ohlaph@lemmy.world
    4·
    1 year ago

    Thanks for sharing. It’s nice having family with kids because you can visit but at yhe end of the day, go home to a nice and quiet house!