When I tentatively suggested dropping out of uni, my parents laughed at the idea. Whenever they would teach me something, they would get offended if I did not succeed within a few tries. They always insist that I should just try harder, and get mad whenever I try to take a break.

Those in my writing group are nice, but would they still be if my writing was trash? If I showed up and wasted their time with garbage, if I deluded myself into thinking I was better than I am, or simply did not align with them politically?

I only got together with my study group because we figured that it would be a good constellation for studying and get a good semester project going without burning ourselves out in the process.

My brothers seem to lose respect for me whenever we do something together and I don’t live up to their expectations as the oldest.

When I do something with friends, they are either impressed at the speed at which I learn, or we do something they find as natural as breathing where I struggle. And then they wonder if there is something wrong with me.

And so I wonder: If I let myself be incompetent, would anybody care? Interfacing with the world is a choice I make, because I care too much about my parents and siblings to leave them and only live in the moment for myself. But if I one day woke up were no longer competent, would anybody care about me?

Hope this fit. Figured I would try a mental health post, as I imagine I am not the only one wondering about this.