I’m a people pleaser. I have anxiety and depression thanks to some trauma. I’ve been in therapy for a little over a year.

Objectively, I’m doing ok at work. I have always met expectations. However, it takes a lot out of me. I always try to meet people’s expectations because disappointing people feels unbearable. Because of the ability to break things, I often shirk responsibility and make myself unreliable in subtle ways

My experience in work has a big impact on my wellbeing outside. Due to forcing my way through the anxiety, I feel very tired and often have to rest (lying down in the dark, not interacting with anyone) for several hours on evenings and weekends.

At the moment, I am lying in bed most of the day and having 2-3 panic attacks per day (by panic attack, I mean that my heart starts beating really strongly and quickly, and my breathing feels like it’s running away from me).

I think my difficulties are almost certainly related to the trauma. I have a lot of trepidation around, and fawn a lot with the colleagues that set me tasks, even though I can see objectively that I am not in any danger.

I have been trying to set more boundaries, be more upfront and stop this fawning. I am making some (slow) progress, but I still have a real lack of energy outside of work, and spend a lot of time anxious about the next working day. It’s impacting my life a great deal.

Does anyone have any similar experiences, or ideas of how to stop these situations from having such a big effect on the rest of my life?

  • JayEchoRay@lemmy.worldEnglish
    3·
    6 days ago

    I don’t know if some of it is similar, but I can sort understand some of your experiences.

    It is like the energy is focused on what is perceived as “important” and when you have time alone then there is a just a feeling of being drained and the body shuts down because of all that energy to maintain appearances.

    I don’t know if there is an insecurity with maintaining appearances and without thinking putting in more energy into people than they deserve, but I can understand the feeling of giving work ( when I had work) more than it deserved.

    That is a me thing and maybe it is relatable.

    I can’t really offer any advice because I have been forced to just keep going without much quality involved working on improving and I have a lot of maladaption developed from that.

    I do think the advice offered by others has merits though and hopefully you can find something that can lessen or at least help spread out the intensity of your concentration