I’m a people pleaser. I have anxiety and depression thanks to some trauma. I’ve been in therapy for a little over a year.

Objectively, I’m doing ok at work. I have always met expectations. However, it takes a lot out of me. I always try to meet people’s expectations because disappointing people feels unbearable. Because of the ability to break things, I often shirk responsibility and make myself unreliable in subtle ways

My experience in work has a big impact on my wellbeing outside. Due to forcing my way through the anxiety, I feel very tired and often have to rest (lying down in the dark, not interacting with anyone) for several hours on evenings and weekends.

At the moment, I am lying in bed most of the day and having 2-3 panic attacks per day (by panic attack, I mean that my heart starts beating really strongly and quickly, and my breathing feels like it’s running away from me).

I think my difficulties are almost certainly related to the trauma. I have a lot of trepidation around, and fawn a lot with the colleagues that set me tasks, even though I can see objectively that I am not in any danger.

I have been trying to set more boundaries, be more upfront and stop this fawning. I am making some (slow) progress, but I still have a real lack of energy outside of work, and spend a lot of time anxious about the next working day. It’s impacting my life a great deal.

Does anyone have any similar experiences, or ideas of how to stop these situations from having such a big effect on the rest of my life?