What should I do? On my male days, I get misgendered intentionally and called “my girl/daughter” by my transphobic dad who says “people think boys can be girls and I hate it!!”
He also keeps calling my male friend a “she” when he doesn’t even look like a girl, he looks pretty gender-neutral/masc and just may look feminine to him because he’s pre-T (he’s only 16).
I thought of one thing, and last time he said I couldn’t hang out with him because he was trans but didn’t have a face to match up with the name or me just saying “a friend” so he may let me hang out with him, thinking he’s “a girl” and just a tomboy so I can finally sleep over.
I’m still dealing with shitty parents myself. What ultimately helped was distance - spending less time around them and more time with people who wouldn’t treat me like garbage. Eventually, after getting used to dealing with stuff without my parents around, I became a bit more confident about my own worth and validity, and less affected by their disapproval and scorn.
I’ve had to move back in with them recently, and the improvement is really clear - while they’ve only gotten worse as people, they’ve mostly lost their ability to make me feel like shit all the time.
To be clear - none of what you’re going through is right or fair. Parents being intentionally cruel to their children is absolutely reprehensible behavior, and the fact that it’s so common is an indictment of our system of raising children. You have all my sympathy.
People here are going to tell you that you should aim to end your relationship with your father. I used to think that was going too far, and that people should only do it as an absolute last resort. But what I’ve learnt is that when someone you’re close to hurts you for long enough, they make it impossible to keep loving them - and then the relationship ends on its own, whether you want it to or not. Without making any conscious effort, I’ve become so closed off from my parents that even their touch now feels like a stranger’s. I can care about them as fellow adults, and I do want the best for them, but the parental relationship is just gone.
It sucks, and it hurts, but there was nothing I could do to stop this from happening. My parents were old enough to know that hurting a loved one would damage the relationship. They chose to do so anyway. Your situation isn’t the same as mine, and maybe your dad will come around eventually. But I’m telling you all this because I don’t want you to feel bad about whatever you need to do to take care of yourself.
All you can do is remember the rage, and when you finally get out sunder him from your life. Burn the bridge and be free.
that sux brooo i hate transphobessss ;-;
once you turn 18 though, you can take all the T you want.
if it were me, it may not be the best advice, but go along with him being a girl maybe in front of ur *i mean dad but still try to avoid using pronouns unless you have to. then, thinking you’re hanging out with a cis tomboy, he’ll allow u to hang out with him and do whatever u want!!!
u two can then become manly men at 18+!!!
