I’m getting tired of being the household beast of burden. Last night I decided to try and make just ONE damned chore in the house equitable. I assigned one kid to empty the dishwasher, the other to fill it, and my husband to wash whatever large items wouldn’t fit in the dishwasher. We discussed it. He agreed it was fair. I HATE a dirty kitchen and can’t cook when it’s filthy and I’m tired of doing all the cleanup before slaving away at the stove and then repeating.
Spoiler: he did not wash the dishes. He played video games and then went to bed. I washed them this morning.
I was mildly annoyed (read this happens constantly so I’m used to it) and told him just now that since I washed those dishes, could he please put them away. He’s doing that now, but his response has me fucking fuming.
“Why wouldn’t you just wait until I washed them? Why did you HAVE to do the dishes just to make me feel bad about it?”
I was mildly annoyed before and now I’m just fucking furious. He has no idea why I would even consider that manipulative. I’m so mad right now I can’t even find the words to productively explain to him why that statement was so offside.
Help me, sisters. I can’t even find the words.
My husband is super guilty of all of this. I tried all of this advice over the years to no avail. Recently I stumbled across a tiktok talking about “right now.” It’s such a simple and obvious concept but it finally put things into perspective for my husband that made a difference. It goes like this: I spend all day taking care of everyone else’s right now. The kids, work, the house, etc. When someone needs something I have to drop whatever I’m doing to help them right then. What I’m doing, my needs, are never met right then. So when I ask for help, even if it can be done later, even if it’s irrational, it will help my mental health by fulfilling the “right now” need. Doing one simple chore in that moment when I ask will mean far more to me than 10 big chores tomorrow unasked.