I feel like I can’t give them the perfect conditions I’d feel a failure. Like most I grew up in bad conditions and absolutely abhor my parents.
On one hand the thought having the knowledge and skills to raise a capable human being is a nice one. On the other there is no guarantee they’d turn out the way I want them to be.
On a second point I am also afraid that I will have to let go of my own life and devote myself to raising them.
A part of me wants to live life. A part of me wants to shape my knowledge into flesh and blood.
I feel this way because I do believe the conditions I grew up in severely limited who I could have become. I’m wishing, if only I was given an optimal environment. I don’t want this for anyone else. If that makes sense.
I spent so much of my life trying to achieve what I have always been told I should have before I try to get a wife and have kids that I’m now at an age where if I had children I would have a significantly increased chances of birth defects. Capitalism has ruined my chances at ever safety passing on my genetics so at most I would adopt.
To add to this. I refuse to bring a child into what I believe is a doomed society. The best I can think to do is try and save an “unwanted” child from having to suffer as much in this shithole hellscape called the fucking USA.
All that is left inside me is hate for the people that have done this to my life. I just wanted to get a good paying job, have my own house, and marry someone I could love raise a family with. It was all a lie. Every fucking word. All I can do now is try to survive long enough that I might witness the end of this fucked society.
