Right-wing conspiracy theorist Alex Jones on Thursday moved to liquidate his personal assets, agreeing to demands from the families of Sandy Hook victims whom he owes more than $1.5 billion in damages over his lies about the 2012 school massacre.
“Listen Kid, I used to wage war with dark forced way more powerful than you, demonic hell beasts in walking flesh bags, literal baby eaters, 5th dimensional subatomic angels seeking to reap the Apocalypse, I…”
“Alex, I just need you to show up on time so we can get these McChickens prepped! Show up late again, and I’m going to have to fire you! And for fucks sake put a shirt on!”
“Listen Kid, I used to wage war with dark forced way more powerful than you, demonic hell beasts in walking flesh bags, literal baby eaters, 5th dimensional subatomic angels seeking to reap the Apocalypse, I…”
“Alex, I just need you to show up on time so we can get these McChickens prepped! Show up late again, and I’m going to have to fire you! And for fucks sake put a shirt on!”