I’m at a point where I no longer feel a drive to hunt for jobs. I’ve been stressing over it daily. I’ve been putting forth my best effort to get employed. I’ve been trying every fucking thing I could reasonably do, and I still don’t have a job. I still have been getting turned down for so many positions.

I need a way to live. Being in Florida is hard enough, and especially as a trans person, I desperately want to make enough money to find my way elsewhere, but I can’t. I can’t even get a job, and since we are within a system that requires you to work to live, all I’m concluding is that I don’t deserve to live.

I don’t know what the problem is with me. I’ve been applying for employers who are so rude and inconsiderate. They don’t speak or communicate with me in transparent ways, and every fucking workplace seems to be like this.

I’m applying for incredibly “simple” and entry-level jobs, many of which don’t even require a high-school diploma to work for. Grocery stores don’t think I’m good enough. Cafes don’t think I’m good enough. Restaurants, retail stores, and warehouses all don’t think I’m good enough.

I’m trying to see what I can do, but the hope has diminished constantly and constantly. I have a smaller scope of jobs I can apply to because my primary form of transportation is walking, and I’ve checked out just about every place that’s applicable to me in terms of me being qualified for it and what not.

Nothing. I got nothing, and this has been going on since February 10. I’m starting to not see a reason to try to find a job, and since this, like I said, means that I have no way of carrying on my existence, I hate the grim and bleak reality that this simply means that death is quite literally the only realistic option.

I don’t want that option, but I don’t deserve any other one apparently. Is it because I’m black? Is it because I’m trans? Is it because I have no family member to pull a nepotism scheme for me? I wish I could magically poof up a family member, but the ones who live in the same state as me have all rejected me from their life because I’m trans. Whatever it is, suffering is all that’s allowed, and that’s it.