we’ve been no contact with my family on and off for a while - we were able to use covid and my daughter’s premature birth as a scapegoat (which honestly was a worry anyways), but we’ve been starting to try and attend family events more now that my parents have grandkids other than my own kids. Having more in-laws and grand kids has seemed to help them mellow out a bit.
To over simplify, my mom and I’ve never gotten along. I know I have a lot of blame for that from when I was a kid / teenager, and I think my mom has some unresolved challenges of her own from her dad abusing her as a kid. That being said, as a Father of a few kids myself, the idea of my kids eliminating their relationship with me kills me inside, and I gotta think my mom feels similarly - I hope so at least. I’ve tried reaching out a few times a few different ways, trying to talk about things I know she loves - old Abbott and Costello movies, good food, baseball, etc. I feel like I’m talking to a wall - and at family events we do go to, she wont talk to me. I try to, and she’ll respond with a smile, but she wont actually talk to me. Often at family shin digs (family pictures, birthday, holiday dinner) I wont get a word out of her. I can’t tell if she’s scared of me or if she just doesn’t care.
This latest attempt kind of stung - I stuck my neck out and transparently stated I wanted to spend some quality time together. I’m trying not to read into it too much, but it seemed like time with me was a chore - which when I look back at any interactions we have, I can see that could be her perception. I want to get this to work. I’m not sure what to try next, I’d really love to have a good relationship with my mom. I’ve genuinely apologized for my actions as a kid a number of times, and I’ve been consistenly trying things like this in person or over messages for a few years now. I’m kind of at a loss.
Why would she be scared of you?
Need more information.
But it seems like she wants nothing to do with you
As a teenager I didn’t conform to her will without question, I asked questions and pushed back on decisions if it didn’t make sense to me. I’m positive I was rude very often, but the only physical interaction was her hitting me - I didn’t do more than be a smart ass trying to understand things. Which honestly was a pain for her to deal with, I wish I hadn’t been so difficult for her.
Ultimately I think I was hard to parent because of my ADHD which want diagnosed till later. Having a kid of my own with ADHD I see how hard it is to parent a neurodivergent child if you’re unaware of their needs in that regard.
So as far as her fear, I dunno what she fears of me or if she does fear me. It could just be a knee jerk reaction of hers to limit interaction with me. Maybe she’s afraid of acknowledging our bad relationship or things she’s done?