I don’t think it’s unreasonable to have the concerns you have at the moment, but it sounds like you’ve already weighed the pros and cons and made your decision re: surgery and it seems like a reasonable decision to me. It’s just facing the uncomfortable reality of it that you have to brace yourself for now. I think the vulnerability will be your actual biggest discomfort.

I’ve had a few surgeries and the only thing I feel you might dislike physically is the needle they put in the back of your hand to feed the anaesthetic etc into. It’s really only a slight sting but I find it unpleasant - certainly not any kind of “hitting” sensation like your ear situation. I only tell you this so you know what to expect.

There’s really only a short period after surgery where you might (and maybe won’t at all!) say something nonsensical, but it’s usually dreamlike nonsense (not confessions of inner secrets!). Your parents/other half have probably heard you talk in your sleep already - maybe that’s an easier way to think about it.

Regarding the coddling: Perhaps some pre-prepared responses could help keep it to a minimum, reassure people (who sound like they care which is nice), and make them feel useful at the same time. Some suggestions/prompts:

• Thanks (person), I’m actually quite tired at the moment, can you make sure there’s some water and (drugs) nearby and give me a call at (insert much later time) if I’m not up by then please?

• I’m a bit tender at the moment but I think it’s healing well enough, it probably looks worse than it is, don’t worry!

• I’ve got everything I need here but thanks for checking in.

• You know what, I would actually love some (ice cream, soup, whatever believable post-surgery food). If you’re in the store could you grab me some please?

• Sorry I have a bit of a short fuse at the moment, it’s just the (pain/meds) making me grouchy. Thanks for caring, I think i just need a bit of rest for now.

These are all dismissive though, don’t be too proud to ask for help if you have any concerns while you’re healing! And good luck, I hope the surgery brings you immense relief!

Edit: formatting

Don’t be too disheartened, makeup really does sit differently on different people and there are specific techniques your wife probably hasn’t needed to be aware of. I (AFAB-woman) noticed when I put my makeup over a friend’s (AMAB-TBD) shaved face it looked surprisingly different and I had to make it darker in those areas to blend with the cheeks and forehead. That made a huge difference and that was without even looking up a tutorial. Also eye primer will do wonders for how that makeup sits. There’s a lot of frustrating trial and error that I’m sure dysphoria will not help, don’t lose hope immediately!

Yeah I get you, I think my discomfort is more of a general thing than this particular situation. I think it’s like making fun of someone’s physical features when someone nice may also have those features. Or like an effeminate male homophobe deserves to be mocked but you risk repeating things people who’ve been bullied for being effeminate have been hurt by. Maybe not a hill to die on but I try to avoid it myself.

I see your point alright, I can’t say I’ve much heart to argue my point TBH. The village gossip vibe isn’t for me but enjoy!

I detest these people and I understand calling out their hypocrisy. Is there anything to be said for not policing how a woman is supposed to grieve publicly though? There’s plenty wrong about the shameless exploitation of Kirk’s death, but something about the current narrative feels gross. Stooping to their level? I mean yeah, maybe you could infer their relationship was shallow and transactional, but like, is this really a gotcha moment that we care about?

And Smurfs

There’s a lot going on in fairness! What’s the conclusion this statement is trying to suggest? Feminists aren’t working hard enough/in full agreement on these specific things therefore feminism isn’t worth pursuing?

Punishment, treatment, family support, victim support, anything would be nice!

You mean the Republic. Northern Ireland is real Ireland. But also yeah, most prefer not to be in the UK for sure.

You reminded me I bought berries for porridge. Thanks for the healthy breakfast reminder!

I’m probably not in the same country as you but I’d say absolutely take it. You’re probably in a field where you can do the same thing again. Take the time to set yourself up as a company, get your tax affairs in order and charge everything (appropriate) to expenses and take the extra time to look for your next gig. Worst case you spent the extra time/money finding your next employment.

That’s both hilarious and terrible.

Edit: I just remembered having a similar conversation with someone in my own family. Facepalm. They were fed BS and then eventually penalised for spreading it. Not sure they’re off yet but disillusioned in the wrong direction for sure!

What’s the context? It would be good to know who’s saying this (random poster? clickbait headline? Influencer?)

Cries in QA

What’s the creamy stuff under the chicken?

Can someone help me with this one please? I presume the message is not to side with an aggressor à la the leopards who eat people’s faces party. But am I over-analysing the picture? Is liberty trying to constrain/detain security? Can the liberty avatar in this image choose a different avatar for security or is the message that freedom is inherently unsafe and wanting security is folly?

Daisies, dandelions and clover happen to my lawn anyway. I like that they’re not reinventing the wheel here!