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funny@lemmus.org to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world · 2 years ago

Milking machine

NSFW

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Milking machine

NSFW

i.imgflip.com

funny@lemmus.org to Lemmy Shitpost@lemmy.world · 2 years ago
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  • Codex@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Too embarrassed to crank one at the hospital, but not too embarrassed to have a machine suck you off while you stand at the row of machines with all the other donors. Urinal etiquette does apply, btw! Don’t be That Guy who goes straight for the middle BJ Bot!

    • londos@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      If they configure them face to face, they could probably build one machine that jerks off two donors at the same time, on the upstroke and downstroke.

      • APassenger@lemmy.world
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        2 years ago

        We’d have to account for their height, wouldn’t we?

        • valkyre09@lemmy.world
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          2 years ago

          Height’s irrelevant. You need to measure the dick to floor ratio.

        • SnipingNinja@slrpnk.net
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          2 years ago

          Well, it’s just a compression algorithm, we can apply that

        • elfin8er@lemmy.world
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          2 years ago

          Just put the shorter one on a stool.

      • MaoZedongers@lemmy.today
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        2 years ago

        Mechanical docking machine

    • huquad@lemmy.ml
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      2 years ago

      What’s the matter? The machine will cover your junk. Plus you can high five your buds after you finish together.

    • eric@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      I’d hope they’d at least be in stalls so that I can only see the feet of the dudes getting sucked off on either side of me.

    • hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      2 years ago

      We’ll you can hold hands with buddy on next machine. Helps to make itess stressful

  • Red_October@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    That’s disgusting. Where would you even buy a horrible machine like that, and how much would that terrible thing cost with shipping?

    • SmoothIsFast@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      Search “banana cleaner” on Amazon

  • asbestos@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    I’m sorry Dave, I can’t let you not cum

  • cooopsspace
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    2 years ago

    Ransomware: pay 5BTC or I’ll bite your dick off

  • mistrgamin@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    • FeetinMashedPotatoes@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      When you nut but the milking machine keeps milking

  • SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.worldBanned
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    2 years ago

    Removed by mod

    • mariusafa@lemmy.sdf.org
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      2 years ago

      How kind of her

      • SatansMaggotyCumFart@lemmy.worldBanned
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        Removed by mod

  • Lober@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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    2 years ago

    Keeping these things sanitary must be a nightmare

  • HeyJoe@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Is there a version that talks back to you? “Give me your sperm baby”.

    • EnderMB@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      Hopefully it has customisable options - different voices, a setting to throw insults at you while it extracts the baby batter, and a FF victory jingle once you’ve nutted.

    • Mek@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      deleted by creator

  • 🇰 🌀 🇱 🇦 🇳 🇦 🇰 🇮 🏆@yiffit.net
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    2 years ago

    What if I need prostate stimulation?

    • AlfredEinstein@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      HAL 9000: “Best I can do is slap your testicles, Dave.”

    • hemko@lemmy.dbzer0.com
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      2 years ago

      Ask buddy to help

    • MaoZedongers@lemmy.today
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      2 years ago

      Then just cum into the jar during a prostate exam like everyone else, unless you’re too good for that 🙄

  • __ghost__@lemmy.ml
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    2 years ago

    A team of people had to design this

    • Codex@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      Once installed, a new team of people would have to maintain it. Mechanics with biotech engineering degrees. Cleaning technicians with advanced degrees in medicine, robotics, and hygiene. Eventually an aftermarket for used jizzbots would form, resulting in cum-puter resellers and replacement part manufacturers. Unlicensed spunkdroid hotrodders overclocking their barely legal Frankenstein fuck factories for orgasms previously inconceivable to the human mind. Soon we’ll all be slaves to the perpetual pussy motion machine, our minds melting into one… unnnnnngggggg… wow, that was a lot to type one-handed, where am I, what’s happening? (jk but this stupid gag really got away from me!)

      • BluJay320@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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        2 years ago

        New Lemmypasta?

  • SirBucksworth@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Where can i get one? For research purposes of course…

    • Notyou@sopuli.xyz
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      2 years ago

      Just Google autoblow. You might have to add a stool or something.

      • RGB3x3@lemmy.world
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        2 years ago

        Just went to their website and that shit looks like a parody of itself.

        But for $220…

  • londos@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Guys, does girth similarity affect the machine’s ability to jerk off different donors?

    • daed@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      Someone get the whiteboard…

  • db2@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Why is it so small though

    • Thermal_shocked@lemmy.world
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      Asians made it?

      • db2@lemmy.world
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        2 years ago

        Well that took a wrong turn quick.

      • THCDenton@lemmy.world
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        2 years ago

  • PopcornPrincess@lemmy.world
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    2 years ago

    Everything reminds me of her.

    • theangryseal@lemmy.world
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      2 years ago

      If I seem a little out of it, sorry.

  • DriftinGrifter@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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    2 years ago

    We need someone to replace their door handle with this

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