Does anyone else see themselves in this article?
lemmy users are a collection of high iq free thinking individuals who are extraordinarily competent.
This is garbage.
I’ll skip you a read, the article does not present data to support any of the statements in the title. Nor in the subtitle. It does however present multiple ads and popups.
This is your friendly neighborhood ego-appealing only-10%-higher-iq-can-solve-this-game article with “research” from psychologytoday, autocitation, and articles that do not even discuss what is being stated. This writing style underscores how the usage of AI to create engaging articles and foster a diverse community- what I mean is that thing is either written with AI intervention or by someone who reads them so much that they write like them.
Mental health is a real issue, that should be handled with real information, not this kind of fanfiction.
Have you ever met someone who can fix anything, figure out anything, handle any crisis with calm precision, and yet flinches when someone offers to help them? Have you ever wondered why the most capable person in the room is also the one who seems least comfortable receiving care?
I have. Because for a long time, I was that person.
I’m sure this would make a nice action movie introduction.
Separating competence from identity. You are not your ability to handle things alone. That ability is a nervous system adaptation, and a useful one. But it’s a tool, not a definition. You’re allowed to set it down.
Also comes with crunchy bits of quantum neural vibrations.
I’m not going to comment everything, but this is garbage.
I am NOT competent at all and still resentful :D
Also is the article any good or just speculation?So, incompetent and loudly resentful. My people.
TV raised me
Children who grew up
I don’t understand the graphic.
It’s about the survivor bias
We’re not all resentful, we just hate the people who refuse to advance themselves and adhere to some level of learned helplessness as their nominal state
When I date I meet women who are almost 40 who are still dependent on their elderly parents for basic adult shit, including paying basic bills like rent and food. They have minimal life skills of an adult. They just call up their dad and ask him to pay for someone to fix their car or mow their law, or he himself is still doing it for them.
It’s pathetic. These people have good jobs too, they are just leeches. If you suggest that may they should do things on their own… they attack you, sometimes violently.
I think you’re potentially looking at this wrong. They might be dependent… Or they might be in COMMUNITY with their families.
If they’re in their 40’s their parents are in their 60’s-70’s. Is it possible these adults have a relationship of give and take where they each lean on the other for different things? Maybe her dad takes care of car maintenance for the family, her mom manages medical needs and she manages other aspects of their shared lives?
Although it’s certainly possible, I find it hard to believe parents of a 40 year old are somehow coerced or guilted into an unfair arrangement.
Maybe we have different life experiences in this regard…
no dude. having your 65+ year old father do physical labor for you is dick move if you are 35. or asking him for money to pay your bills when you have a 150K job, but you want to spend your money on yourself.
don’t worry, they are more than glad to let me know they have never lifted a finger for themselves their entire lives and they expect me to fill in as their father figure. because they are ‘too special’ to be functional adults and they are ‘poor fragile women’ who need a big strong daddy to pay their mortgage for them.
the parents aren’t blameless, obviously. they have enabled their daughter’s spoilt princess attitude, but as an adult it’s a mark of maturity to grow up and stop the child-like interactions you had with your parents. you are suppposed to start taking care of them.
Forcing him to do physical labour is a dick move if you’re 35. Your dad offering because he wants you to be safe and enjoys doing it? How is allowing him to do that a dick move? Sounds like the anger is coming from an assumption here.
I’m sure you have more examples, there are a lot of people out there that aren’t very independent, I just don’t think this was a good example because of that assumption. Also your language makes you sound bitter, which doesn’t help your case.
No, it’s coming from experience of dealing with people like this for years now. Who are enabled by a society that rewards victimhood and self-pity rather than shaming it.
Man… maybe that’s why a lot of dates feel like a job interview these days.
Those are people who looking for an employee instead of a relationship and think they are the ‘boss’ of the relationship.
I have a friend who does this. As far as my interactions with him go, he asks for help before attempting to solve a problem himself. He’s done well in his career so I assume he’s gotten better since we lived together in college.
Knowing who to ask for help in what situation is a valuable skill, one that is essential for managers. So it makes sense that he would do well in his career.
Compentent? Maybe. Resentful, yeah I’m working on it okay.
Also, often while you were teaching us, we learned leasons that were not part of your teaching plan.
No
Not me being constantly told that I lack common sense when the reason why I’m being told those things is that I believe that people have value and should be treated with kindness by default, or that things can get better.
If your common sense does not include those things, I don’t want to have anything to do with it.
Emancipated at 16. Had to take my younger brother with me. I am so much better for it but it was a massive struggle.
So how was it meeting Tony Hawk?
Had to take my younger brother with me.
Omg you are such a good sibling… my older brother would totally just leave me to die 😭
Hey, I’m proud of you for doing what you needed to do, for making sure your brother had it better and for seeing it through to the other side.
This is me…sadly.
often becomes adults who are extraordinarily competent
yeah… about that…
(still financially dependent (and emotionally attached to my mother since I never felt confident to explore the world on my own and make friends))
As for the resentment…
You have no idea how much I just hate my birth country.
I have this fantasy of having a perfect relationship with my mother but its this stupid ass ultra-conservative culture that destroyed that could’ve been.
Every time I my mom yells at me… every time I have conflict with family… I just can’t stop thinking: I fucking hate China, fucking toxic culture
I kinda feel like all this shame of my depression is like the spirits of my ancestors taunting me, calling me a coward for not being able to just “be strong” or whatever the fuck that means… so I just hate that country as a proxy to hating my parents… whom I don’t really want to hate… so I blame the culture, the country instead… the toxic culture robbed me of my relationship with my family of origin…
And for that, I will forever hate China… I never wanna re-visit that place ever again…
Who the fuck even wanna deal with the firewall bullshit and censorship on top of it? Jeez… I rather face my risks in the US of ICE or whatever, at least if I get shot by ICE, I would actually get sympathy… in China, they’d call me a lazy loser and totally ignore the existence of depression… and at least I could binge watch youtube in the US… China has zero media and is boring af… idk how people even survive the boredom…
Fuck CCP, Fuck Confucious, Fuck “Filial Piety”
/end rant
I don’t want this to come off wrong or as condescending, but if you have access to a therapist there in China, I humbly suggest you seek out their advice. They might help you sidestep some of the cultural hurdles you feel are in the way of what you want.
My family emigrated and I’m currently in the US, where thankfully there is more acceptance for mental health issues.
And yes I’m in the process of getting help for depression… I did an intake last month… I had an evaluation today on a virtual appointment… but idk how long this shit is gonna take…
Next appointment is like… 2 weeks from now…
Idk why they keep repeatedly asking similar questions… ugh…
I can now see why people sometimes get desparate and start “talking” to an “AI” (aka: LLMs)
They’re in the US, but I appreciate your kindness.
Can you please not write/post articles about me? I’m feeling targeted.
I’m married to someone who had to be the adult and take care of her family (siblings and mother) starting age 11.
My wife is unstoppable. But she expects adults to be adults, because she had to figure out how to be one by herself. And that’s where the resentment comes in.
That’s how I feel. I don’t have empathy for people who are over 25 who act like children. And yet people tell me I ‘lack empathy’ for someone throwing a temper tantrum in public over some perceived slight or their hamburger having 1 less pickle they think it should.
But I just end the relationship. I can’t respect people who refuse to take responsibility for themselves. Once I realize they aren’t going to do that, I am no longer interacting with the person. And there is a significant number of people who go through life never taking responsibility for their actions and blaming other people for their mistakes. What I can’t understand is why other people like those people… but often they do because they are charming on the surface.
What kind of responsibilities? What you see as responsibilities might be unnecessary things for other person
the idea that actions have consequences.
look at ozempic. everyone loves it at first! miracle drug for weight loss! but the issue is… people go it, then go off it, and gain the weight back because they have changed nothing about their lifestyle. They have just tried to cheat the consequences of their choices rather than doing the hard work of changing their lifestyle.
so unless people plan to stay on ozempic the rest of their life… the will still be subjected to being overweight because that is what they have chosen. a responsible person chooses to chane their life style. an irresponsible person complains and whines about how hard their life is because they are fat and they can’t stop eating bad foods.
look at ozempic. everyone loves it at first! miracle drug for weight loss! but the issue is… people go it, then go off it, and gain the weight back because they have changed nothing about their lifestyle. They have just tried to cheat the consequences of their choices rather than doing the hard work of changing their lifestyle.
so unless people plan to stay on ozempic the rest of their life…
It is wild to me that a clearly chronic disease (metabolic syndrome) which suddenly has a treatment has a bunch of people advocating to stop the treatment. It like If someone nearsighted told me they could read a sign with their contacts in and I’m like cool you can see now, no more need for contacts.
No, i’m taking about people who use it to lose weight without having to diet or exercise. not diabetes patients who use it for it’s intended purpose instead of it’s side-effects.
people who use it this way are not supposed to use it long term, let alone the rest of their life. they simple see it as something to use for six months, drop the weight, and then go right back to where they were six months ago.
