So. Without trauma dumping, I’ll simply say my dad is a bad dad. What’s a father’s day gift that says “you’re dead to me, but I’m still doing things to keep drama at bay”?

  • Margot Robbie@lemm.ee
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    5 months ago

    Nothing. Literally nothing. Bad gifts are for annoying close friends, any amount of effort put into a gift for your father would imply that you care what he thinks.

    • half coffee@lemy.lolOP
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      5 months ago

      That’s the goal. There’s some drama right now that makes that really hard, but within a couple years that’s where we’re headed.

  • henfredemars
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    5 months ago

    Off-brand scented candle set.

    It says I don’t know you at all, but here’s your present.

      • henfredemars
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        5 months ago

        Get something like Bergamont; something so few people actually genuinely like, but smells fancy with a quick whiff. Boring and unexpressive after 30 seconds.

        Alternatively, try something like cupcakes or vanilla icing. The kind of candle that would give you a headache.

        It’s also practical because the gift is cheap without looking cheap.

        I’m sorry to say that I’m speaking from personal experience.

        • half coffee@lemy.lolOP
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          5 months ago

          Hm… I wonder if Walmart still has watermelon scented candles. “But dad, it smells just like summer!”

          • henfredemars
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            5 months ago

            Oh my gosh I had those! They did actually smell good with a quick sniff, but I hated them so much I threw out the rest.

  • TTH4P@lemm.ee
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    5 months ago

    Low value gift card from a local dinner place. So he has to go there to use it and then it’s only like 10 dollars and he has to fork over the rest.

    • Glide@lemmy.ca
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      5 months ago

      This.

      Nothing says “I have fulfilled my social obligation, but I don’t give a shit about you” more than a low value giftcard for somewhere generic.

      Alternatively, give him a halfway decent gift and feel better about yourself for not continuing the cycle of neglect, even when he won’t appreciate it. We can make the world better, even for those of us that don’t deserve it, and considering how to make it a better place as opposed to how to get back at the people who make it a worse one is just a better use of our time and energy.

      Besides, at the end of the day, truly awful people already live with the worst punishment so could imagine: having to wake up every morning and continue being themselves.

      • jsomae@lemmy.ml
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        5 months ago

        Make it 20. 10 is too obvious a slight to any onlooker. 20 still won’t cover most mains post-covid after tax and tip (depends on your region and the restaurant of course).

        • Flummoxed@lemmy.world
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          5 months ago

          Yeah, I think something like 15 would be the perfect “fuck you” amount for something beyond Starbucks and fast food. Enough to make it worth going, but only really enough for an appetizer.

          Or be really horrible and just take one of the 50 or 100 ones for a decent restaurant, and just don’t get it activated. He won’t find out until they try to run it, I think.

          This might be the most horrible idea I’ve ever had.

          • rbn@sopuli.xyz
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            5 months ago

            Then he might not understand that it was on purpose. Get one for 50, have dinner there yourself for around 45 and give him the card with the few residual bucks.

  • jo3jo3@lemmy.world
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    5 months ago

    This is exactly the opposite of doing things to keep the drama at bay. Just throw it in the fire, forget about it, move on. No gift. No contact.

  • Fugtig Fisk@feddit.dk
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    5 months ago

    you’re dead to me, but I’m still doing things to keep drama at bay

    To me it sounds like you’re looking for drama

  • Adalast@lemmy.world
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    5 months ago

    A mug that says “Worst Sperm Donor” with an unactivated or emptied gift card to his favorite store.

    • Scrubbles@poptalk.scrubbles.tech
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      5 months ago

      Can confirm, have a bad dad, father’s day passes by without a word every year. That’s a long term message. Last few years I didn’t even realize it was father’s day. If I got him anything it would mean I’m thinking about him

    • Notyou@sopuli.xyz
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      5 months ago

      That’s what I’ve been getting my dad. Haven’t heard any complaints from him in years.

  • andallthat@lemmy.world
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    5 months ago

    I don’t want to get too deep into your business but just to understand better what you’re trying to communicate… Please tell me if I get this right: there’s current (not past) drama in your family and you think that not acknowledging father’s day at all would feed into that drama (maybe your dad’s reaction would be “see, you’re all against me” and he’d play the victim or something like that) . On the other hand you also don’t want to pretend everything is right with your father. So you want something to communicate “I don’t want to be against you, but I certainly am not on your side either; I just want to be left alone and talk to you the strictly necessary amount of times”. Is that it?

    If that’s the case, yes, the standard-est, humorless “happy father’s day” card you can find, with nothing but your signature in it should convey that message pretty well. If you can’t find anything, just a white one with a handwritten “happy father’s day, [your name]” would do.

    • half coffee@lemy.lolOP
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      5 months ago

      Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. I’m trying to stay close to my mom, and she’s desperately trying to hold the family together, so if I don’t do anything, he would play the victim and use my mom’s hurt feelings against me. So I’m most likely going to just do something very generic, like you said.

      • andallthat@lemmy.world
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        5 months ago

        You’re in a situation you don’t deserve, but you are trying not to make it worse for your mom. I think you rock! I wish you all the best

    • half coffee@lemy.lolOP
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      5 months ago

      Honestly that’s kind of what I’m thinking. Then he has to store them, and he’d feel like he had to wear them at least once. Just a little upsetting for him.

  • JoeBigelow@lemmy.ca
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    5 months ago

    What’s his issue? Give him something tangential.

    Big drinker? Cheapest bottle opener or a nip of his favorite sauce.

    Angry asshole? Get him a therapy ball.

    The biggest thing my condescending asshole stepdad taught me was “Kill them with kindness”. If you’re kind in a backhanded way, it’ll piss them off and you can feign innocence.

    Personally I’d give him a box of dogshit