Nah, you’ve fallen in to a classic trap for men. Even though the answer could be correct under different framing, it’s not always okay. The framing matters.
So if she said would you still love me if i was the size of a whale
In this example, the underlying insecurity is about you. She’s worried you’ll leave her if she’s not always at her best. Thus just saying yes provides helps solve the core issue. To be honest it’s not a perfect answer, but it’s fine.
gf saying “I’m fat”
In this one, the insecurity is not (just) about you. Most likely she’s worried about how other people perceive her, or how she perceives herself. Men often assume any concern someone puts into their appearance is for their partner or for finding one, but it’s not. Saying you’ll love her even if she is fat does not address the underlying insecurity. In fact, it implies she is fat and heightens what she is worried about.
I would advise a hug or something for immediate reassurance and then asking her some gentle questions to gauge what she’s really worried about if you’re not sure. Literally, “hey what brought this on?”. Maybe with a “you look great” leading into it first.
Although when she asks you would you still love her if she was a worm, the correct answer is yes.
Better to put it back reframed in more direct terms, showing you understand the underlying insecurity, but dodging having to be dishonest about the fact her being a worm obviously would change things. Then lighten the mood with a joke.
You are forgetting one key fact. She doesn’t want help or a solution. She just wants you to acknowledge and agree with her.
When my wife comes to me with something thats bothering her i always fall into the trap of trying to fix it. But all she wants is for me to say that sucks and agree with her that the subject/object of the issue is shit and maybe give her a hug. Or simply to just listen.
The truth of it is that theres no manual or one size fits all solution to being in a relationship. Men and women can be just as complex as each other and everyone is different.
Nah, you’ve fallen in to a classic trap for men. Even though the answer could be correct under different framing, it’s not always okay. The framing matters.
In this example, the underlying insecurity is about you. She’s worried you’ll leave her if she’s not always at her best. Thus just saying yes provides helps solve the core issue. To be honest it’s not a perfect answer, but it’s fine.
In this one, the insecurity is not (just) about you. Most likely she’s worried about how other people perceive her, or how she perceives herself. Men often assume any concern someone puts into their appearance is for their partner or for finding one, but it’s not. Saying you’ll love her even if she is fat does not address the underlying insecurity. In fact, it implies she is fat and heightens what she is worried about.
I would advise a hug or something for immediate reassurance and then asking her some gentle questions to gauge what she’s really worried about if you’re not sure. Literally, “hey what brought this on?”. Maybe with a “you look great” leading into it first.
Better to put it back reframed in more direct terms, showing you understand the underlying insecurity, but dodging having to be dishonest about the fact her being a worm obviously would change things. Then lighten the mood with a joke.
You are forgetting one key fact. She doesn’t want help or a solution. She just wants you to acknowledge and agree with her.
When my wife comes to me with something thats bothering her i always fall into the trap of trying to fix it. But all she wants is for me to say that sucks and agree with her that the subject/object of the issue is shit and maybe give her a hug. Or simply to just listen.
The truth of it is that theres no manual or one size fits all solution to being in a relationship. Men and women can be just as complex as each other and everyone is different.