• mwguy
    link
    fedilink
    arrow-up
    69
    ·
    4 months ago

    5 Your breasts are like fawns, twins of a gazelle, grazing among the first spring flowers. 6 The sweet, fragrant curves of your body, the soft, spiced contours of your flesh Invite me, and I come. I stay until dawn breathes its light and night slips away.

    Solomon 4:5-6

    It’s aboutta get spicy in Oklahoma

      • mwguy
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        20
        ·
        4 months ago

        I grew up pretty Christian. That particular section (or book) has some pretty spicy stuff in it. There’s also other questionable sexual stuff in other areas. Like you’re supposed to impregnate your brother’s widow if they die without an heir, polygamy etc … It’s a book that’s incredible forward thinking for it’s time, but it’s time was like 6,000 years ago.

      • Angry_Autist (he/him)@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        15
        ·
        edit-2
        4 months ago

        Oh man there is a ton of crazy sex in the Bible.

        King David getting wood looking at one of his general’s wives bathing on the rooftop and starts an affair that would eventually split the kingdom of Israel in half and start a war between brothers.

        Onan refusing to impregnante his dead brother’s widow and being struck dead for pulling out.

        And don’t even get me started on the incest…

    • BrianTheeBiscuiteer@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      15
      ·
      4 months ago

      I’m sure there are not many PG ways to interpret this passage but if there was it’s not going to come from a teacher with no background in theology. The best part of this silly mandate is that teachers apparently have free reign to make the Bible say whatever they want. Make Jesus sound like the compassionate socialist he actually is.

      • El Barto@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        15
        ·
        4 months ago

        I’d teach all the raping and incest and send homework in which parents need to participate finding the answers.

      • mwguy
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        13
        ·
        4 months ago

        A statistics class where your grade is determined by “drawing lots” as it shows God’s desired grade…

      • Angry_Autist (he/him)@lemmy.world
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        6
        ·
        4 months ago

        Do you think the repugnicunts that pushed this through want anyone learning about the_real_ Jesus?

        Nope, it’s Supply Side Jesus they’ll be teaching.

      • azertyfun@sh.itjust.works
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        5
        ·
        4 months ago

        To: Springfield High Educators
        From: Springfield High School Board

        It has come to our attention that some of our staff have been teaching Bible verses out of context. This has made some parents, particularly our esteemed LEOs, uncomfortable.

        I hereby remind you that your contract binds you to a strict adherence to the Chart of Christian Values of Springfield and the Glorious State of Oklahoma.

        For your next mandatory Bible Reading Session, please make sure to select passages that are in-line with those values.

        Kind Regards,

    • mightyfoolish@lemmy.world
      link
      fedilink
      arrow-up
      2
      arrow-down
      2
      ·
      edit-2
      4 months ago

      What we need are drag queens reciting these verses to children instead of that smut like Charlotte’s Web. That should make conservatives rejoice.

      • mwguy
        link
        fedilink
        arrow-up
        1
        ·
        4 months ago

        That might be a little bit too much"on the nose". But maybe the slaughtering of a live animal as a sacrifice would be more fun.